Leaderboard

The first step toward change begins with me. I took mine two weeks ago when I met with my doctor to discuss bariatric surgery options. She was encouraging and asked me to call the surgeon. I did and got an appointment for the next day. I met with the surgeon, got more encouragement, a lot of information and told I should hear something within 3-4 weeks. The first week of waiting went well. The second... not so well. The inside of my head is pretty crowded right now.This has been a tough but typical week. Whenever I reach up to climb out of the hole I have dug for myself (looks a lot like a grave, come to think of it) something always manages to grab hold and pull me back. It's as if there are other people inhabiting me. They have been with me for much of my life and they are not shy. I find them as attention hogs; arrogant, controlling, negative. (Funny how similar they are to my mother, not that I want to blame her). Sabotage, Anxiety and Doubt...that's their names. They tend to wait until I'm alone to do their work. They are cunning and determined. I believe in standing in my truth and being accountable for my actions. I know I am strong enough to follow the requirements for success. Why am I vulnerable to these three? Constant good intentions that are forgotten in an instant and replaced with thoughts as if I am choosing my last meal in the next minute. I find this battle accelerates within me the more I think of what's ahead. I am concerned about complications and disappointment both with myself and with others. I'm tired and I've lived without hope for awhile. I pray both Sabotage and Doubt will shut up and leave me alone. I know I can do this. I embrace the idea of having support and guidance to walk the path with me. Dammit. Anxiety must have decided to come visit me as well, eh?

With the help of my daughter, Rachael, put together the treadmill that I had ordered from JCPenney. It's a lot bigger than I figured - and heavier! It won't even fit through my doorways. So it is parked in the livingroom-Dan has not seen it yet-can't wait!! We also went shopping for a few more "post-op" things. 3 water jugs-with measurements on the side, one 64 oz, and 2 32 oz. Also a nice robe and nightgown for the hospital, as well as underwear, socks, and soft athletic bras. Earlier I went grocery shopping and went to Kroger (I usually go to walmart) and found some neat high protein things for post surgery. Now I am working on getting ahead on my homework!

I AM SO FREAKIN SICK OF THIS DAMN LIQUID DIET*lol*, Monday can't get here fast enough just so I can start the puree stage of my diet. How many of you guys know what I am talking about?

So happy to read of your insights and progress! It's also a reward to be able to see your horizons get wider as your mobility increases. Enjoy your trip...

I'm down 2.6 lbs again, this morning. I'm tired from trying to do some things yesterday and from the increase in pain from moving around. The belly binder works nicely to stop the jiggling, but it itches and kind of rubs the one incision line, and is making it bleed a little, so I took it off instead of loosening it, to allow the slice lines to get air. Pain is higher without the binder on, though. Monday is my post-op appointment, and I have no one to drive me, so I'm going to have to do it myself. They office wont' change the appointment, either....so, I'll take it easy this weekend, and just try to get that healing protein in...and dream a little of meatballs at the Bloomsburg fair. I have not been this "light" since the beginning semesters of my internships a few years ago. I cannot wait to get down a lot more. Seeing some pounds fall off me is ecouraging...helps me be strong and motivated, and feel a little more positivity, and helps me to look to the future more. My son is still ill, and he is wearing a face mask. He must shower as soon as he gets in the door, and sanitize his hands every 15-60 minutes. I missed my little buddy, since he has to stay in his room to protect me...so I had him come down here with me and keep real clean and away from me so he can watch some tv. My intercostal muscles still hurt. I had felt like I had the body aches from flu after the surgery, and that stiffness and soreness is still here. I'm still black and blue from being dug with needles in the hospital, but at least those sites don't hurt, anymore. I want to stop taking pain meds....maybe Sunday will be a good day for that....since I have to be on the road at 7am on Monday to drive an hour and a half to the hospital.

Well this is day 2 of my quest to not only not gain weight before surgery (or my doc will not schedule) but to also follow a low cal, low carb eating plan. I have done really well so far today, just had a great scoop of chicken salad which I ate with slices of cucumber. I used the cucumber just as if it were crackers....yum! Today seems easier than yesterday was. I also went to my pcp today and I completed all required pre-op testing except for the ultrasound. Soonest appt is the end of the month but at least I will end Sept knowing everything is done and just waiting to be submitted for authorization.

People enter into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. She sounds like a season. The Spring of you life is upon you, let the Chill of Winter go. Good luck to You.....