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Here I am one month and 7 days since my surgery. I can say that there are days that I weigh myself and get aggravated because I havent lost or lost more and then realize that I am just a month into my surgery and to give myself a break. I went and got my hair cut into a new short cut and love it and like how I feel about myself with it. I decided that I needed to give myself something for doing so well the first month. I have a friend that is having the lapband surgery the end of this month and she has given me some great "positive" feed back and ideas. I wish she and I lived closer to each other so that we could work on exercise together. She is in Texas and I am in Colorado. She gave her band a name (its Sophie) and said that they are gonna be life long friends and she was going to appreciate it as a friend. I hadnt thought of it like that but she has a point. My band is my life long friend that is going to help me fight my weight battle and I should appreciate my friend and not take it for granted. So as silly as this sounds, I have named my band as well and her name is Gracie. So I go to the doctor on Monday (the 10th) and I believe I will get my first fill. I feel like I need it because I have found that I get hungry more often now. I am working on drinking my water like I am suppose to and I have download the fitness pal ap and love it!!! HUGE help in keeping up with what I am eating and calories/protein. Great help. I worry about messing up but I dont make it my main focus. I do know that eating slower is harder than I thought it would be but I just have to take my time. Hope everyone has a great week and I will get back after my docs appointment.

So survived my preop, and EKG, CXR and labs! I am nervous and excited, I get to start my liquid diet on the 14th, yikes!! As I type my palms are sweaty! and I have butterflies. I have to say I love my hubs, who is trying to be a sweet supportive man. He is exercising more and trying to make healthier meals. I do love him, and he plans to spend the 2 1/2 days (if all goes well) in the hospital with me. I am ready for this! I can do this! I will suceed !! I have been for the last month having liquids for lunch, and now I added liquids at breakfast, so I am working up to the 14th and beyond. I found a bulk food store that sells, unflavored whey protien, powdered eggs, and different powdered soups. and PB2 which I added to a shake and it's pretty tasty (it low fat powdered peanut butter) 85% less fat 45 calories! And now I need to go amp up the exercise. My inner Diva just keeps chanting GO! You are a WINNER! and dancing the Cha Cha!

Yup! You heard right! Weight loss surgery. Gastric Bypass to be exact! Am I excited? More than ever. Am I ashamed? Not in the least. If there's anything you should know about me, you should know I can't keep a secret. I can't keep things to myself, especially exciting things. Everyone in my life knows not to tell me anything, because I always end up spilling the beans sooner or later. It always starts out this way. I'll tell one person one thing and then think to myself, well, I already told one person, so why not tell another? One person becomes two, two becomes three, and so on and so forth. This is how it happened over the weekend while traveling by bus to NYC for my first day of graduate classes with my long time classmates. These are girls I've been in the same intense undergrad program with for two years. We're also potential social workers, so they're used to hearing about life transitions and making big decisions, etc. so I kind of felt comfortable with them knowing my "secret". Plus, I figure they're going to be wondering why I'm absent from classes for a week, and wtf is going on with me when I start shedding the weight. So, I told them! I told them all! It kind of just slipped out. I finally got to the NYC campus for my first day of grad classes, and noticed the desks were unbearably tiny (despite paying $30k a year, guys) and decided why panic? This will all be over soon! I'm proud of my decision to get the surgery. I have nothing to hide. I *have* tried every diet, been successful, unsuccessful, gained, lost, gained, etc. I know myself well enough to know this is something I want and need. Plus, I think by telling people rather than keeping it a secret, it helps to reduce the stigma attached to weight loss surgery and being obese in general. Typical bullshit responses I've gotten so far: Oh, well, my father's friend's mother's aunt got the surgery, lost a TON of weight, but regained everything back after like...3 years! Oh, gastric bypass? So you'll never eat again and be on a strict diet for the rest of your life? Oh, I see. They do WHAT to your stomach?? I hear you're going to spend the rest of your life throwing up...you don't want that One of my co-workers gained all the weight back and more. She eats McDonalds every day on her lunch break...and gained all the weight back...you don't want that, do you? You'll never be able to eat pizza again and all that good stuff. Maybe you should try another diet? I hear the FDA is approving a new weight loss pill this fall! You know..maybe if you just try exercising you may be able to lose some of the weight You're going to be needing iron infusions for the REST of your life So I have a few answers for this people... I'm NOT your father's friend's mother's aunt's sister's boyfriend's uncle...I'm ME Yes, I know what I'm doing No, you can't change my mind Yes, I've researched And YES, I'm ready to begin a new life!

This week I lost three pounds and my therapist asked me how I felt about it. Anytime I lose a significant amount of weight I tend to get very anxious because I don’t know how to act. My body may have lost the weight but emotionally and mentally, I haven’t adjusted my way of thinking to this new, thinner person. I know a lot of people say, “Well, just because you lose weight doesn’t mean you’re a different person. You’re still the same person.” I actually beg to differ on that. I’ve transformed from a person who weighed 330 pounds to a 240 pound person. Before the weight loss I went to work, came home, sat on the couch, watched TV, ate dinner, played on the internet, and went to bed. That was the sum of my life. I could barely breathe sitting down, or even get dressed in the mornings. Now I’m participating in things I’d never be able to do if I was 330 lbs. I’ve been very active with my photography which requires a lot of energy to walk around for hours at a time. I’ve started weightlifting, kayaking, bicycling, and in general being very energetic. I have not only changed physically and have a lot more energy, but going from a sedentary life to an active one in just a matter of a few months requires a huge mental shift in the brain. Therefore, I am not the same person I was before. In my hermit like existence I was not social at all. I didn’t like talking to people and I kept to myself. Because of all this activity, I’m being forced out into situations beyond my comfort zone where I have to interact with people. Because of this weight loss I feel like I have broken out of a prison and like a freed prisoner, I want to experience everything life has to offer and everything I have missed out on all my life. This is why I am making an effort to become more active and even reach out to people for some social interaction. The problem is that psychologically, my brain has not caught up with all of this and that’s what’s really causing the anxiety. I am very socially awkward. I don’t know how to talk to people because I’ve never had to do it. I don’t know how to act or react when people talk to me. I feel as if I have no social skills whatsoever. I’m extremely shy and unable to hold a conversation or talk to someone in a social setting. I’m so shy and terrified that I wouldn’t go up to someone and start a conversation with them. When I meet people I am paralyzed to open my mouth for fear of saying something stupid, dumb, or uninteresting. I’m constantly wondering what negative thoughts the other person must be thinking of me. There are times I can be intelligent, interesting, and funny, but most of the time I think of myself as very dull. I guess all I can do is practice social skills by getting out there, into social situations. Meeting different people, meeting new people, and seeing how things go. Hence, it is torture to try to break out of my shell and venture out into the brave new world of humans.

This is the most wonderful and emotional feeling in the world...Yesterday i put on a pair of 18 jeans and I almost cried, it was good tears... im finally under 200 lbs and it excites me everytime someone notices, friends and other family members, it was really getting to me because i got all these positive comments from everyone else except my husband, untill yesterday i saw my husbands face light up when i walked into a room, with my size 18 jeans and a lg not a 2x shirt and he told me that i looked so beautiful and different i wanted to cry to se that he noticed and finally made a comment.. I dont think im asking to much but i luv hearing that my spouse makes a positve comment towards me...( am I??) i had a slip up and was sick last night, learned my lesson, but i feel fine today and it a new day to stay on the right track not giving up... each month or every other month i want to get a smaller size of jeans when they get loose and have a new goal (what do u think?)

I am still very swollen so I was hesitant to get on the scale, but I couldn't resist the temptation and I have lost 10lbs since Tuesday. I couldn't stop smiling. That is just so amazing to me. I can't wait until I'm able to start working out and building muscle and working on toning as I go. This is just such a blessing!

It’s been a month and I’m finally feeling better. I’m feeling more secure, sleeping better and taking the complements in stride. This week a lot of my co-workers have finally noticed that there is something different. A lot of them think it’s different makeup or hair LOL. I want to say no it’s the 25 lbs. + I lost, but I’m not ready to tell them what I had done. I’m just about ready to officially drop a size because my pants are falling off of me; unfortunately the next size down is still too tight in my tummy. I’m losing in my legs and bottom first. I go in for another fill on Tuesday… I hope I hit my green zone soon.

Feeling a little sore and will catch up with you guys later.