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Hi, to anyone who's listening. I'm 45 year old New Yorker, newly separated, a Mom of 2, and about to embark on a terrifying adventure...lap band surgery. I have been chubby all my life. Never the biggest girl in the room, but certainly the girl next in line after her. Fortunately I have always had enough personality to pull it off without suffering a lot of the discrimination I have seem others suffer. Despite my weight I've become a successful doctor and author and have appeared on many many TV shows talking about what I love most, my field of Psychiatry. There is not a time I see myself on TV that I don't wonder, "wasn't there some skinny little Kelly Rippa shaped Shrink available?" Obviously they like what I have to say enough to overlook the limitations on camera angles a girl my size demands. I am flattered. And when Mehmet calls you don't say no. I didn't always mind being big. I come from a family of overweight people who love themselves and carry out fruitful productive happy lives. My parents are both very overweight but smooch each other like newlyweds. I never believed being fat meant you didn't deserve to be loved, or that any doors would close because of your weight, unless of course you wanted to be a ballet dancer or a model, and I did not. Then a few years ago I hurt my back lifting my then 3 year old daughter who had had a classic 3 year old middle of the crosswalk throw down in which you either sweep her up or let her be run over by a bus. I chose the former. Really I had no choice. That moment was the beginning of the end. My daughter lived but my painfree life ended. A herniated disc. No amount of PT could make it get better. Eventually I needed surgery. Surgery didn't help. Now I need another surgery. There is not a day when my actions are not severely limited by pain. But don't worry, I'm not here to be a drag and write about depressing stuff. I want solutions. And I'm pretty sure that no matter what they can or can't do to my back, it would certainly help if I lost 50 lbs. Then there's the sad status of my relationship. When I look back on my 10 year relationship I realize that in many ways I allowed a bad situation to brew. When my spouse was working all the time and always late, missing family events and blowing off birthdays this voice inside me was furious. But somehow I rationalized that if I was the trophy wife I was supposed to be I would have had more power to make demands. Instead everything I said seemed to fall on deaf ears. With no cuddle or kindness to look forward to at the end of a hard day I could at least count on the sensual delights of a delicious dinner. In many ways the weight was my friend: When the affection stopped altogether the only thing that kept me faithful was my weight. Over the years I have tolerated a lot of treatment that I believe I would not have stood for had I not had a weight problem. Even things like my spouses smoking, which I hated, I felt I couldn't put my foot down about, because here I was with this uncontrollable behavior as well. There were a lot of things I didn't demand for fear my spouse would demand I lose weight, and I knew I couldn't. I'm tired of feeling like I can't have a voice. I'm tired of not being able to participate fully in my daughters life. I'm tired of feeling like the time in life to travel and hike and camp and kayak is past. I'm tired of wearing clothes that do not reflect who I am because someone thinks fat people like to wear rayon smocks with no style. I'm tired of having to lie down to rest my aching back when my head is full of dreams and plans and my heart is itching to participate. I'm tired of getting ready for a date wondering wondering what abominable personality trait, mole, tail, wart cult whathaveyou etc I will have to endure in exchange for their willingness to deal with my weight. So a few months ago I walked alone into a NYU lap band info session and I learned something. I thought the band was just basically a way of training you to eat less because you barf if you don't. There I learned that the band actually acts to trigger fullness nerves so that you feel satisfied eating less. That sounded awesome. Because as a physician I know a lot about Nutrition and Healthy eating. I am expert at making healthful meal plans for my fussy 7 year old who is underweight...but who I'm determined to not have develop bad eating habits. I've been going to Weight Watchers since the Ice Age but I can't eat that little!!! I know what a normal portion looks like, but damned if I feel satisfied after eating that little. Lap Banded folks say that the band really changes their relationship to food, that they are able to eat just a half a cup a few times a day and feel satisfied. This is incomprehensible to me. But man, it sounds awesome. So this fall I'm getting banded. My BMI is too low to get my insurance to pay for it. My choice is gain 17 lbs, qualify, then spend 6 months of supervised weight loss...or spend the whole $20K I've been able to save since my divorce and starting over...and Ive decided to just do this one big expensive indulgent crazy ass thing for myself. I'm going for it. I'm not going to Mexico. I'm going to NYU, the best place I know of in the neighborhood where I live because from now on I want no compromises on my happiness. I'm tired of making the budget work by taking away from what I need. I need my life back. I do this, and by next summer imagine who I can be?! My ex seems excited by the prospect of the skinny me, but doesnt know that I have plans for a personality makeover for that skinny girl. Second Chance Sally is going to be much more demanding, much less charming, much less acquiescent than the girl I used to be. Fat me was a people pleaser, a giver, the one who didn't complain. The old me really cared what people thought, really wanted people to like her. Second Chance Sally is going to speak her mind, stand her ground, demand her due and do it all wearing Desigual. Second Chance Sally is getting skinny before her kid has the chance to notice she's fat and be ashamed of her. SCS, as I like to call the new me, is so not psyched about sliming and PBing and yet more surgeries, but I'm cleaning out my storage space and for once I am not saving all those sizes I no longer fit into. Even though this might be the first chance I've had to get back into those sizes. NOPE. If in fact I do get down to those new sizes I am going SHOPPING for some new things. A new start. Will you join me for the ride?

Hunger. I have NONE. My entire life I've been hungry. I just could never say no to seconds or thirds and lord help me if it was one of my favorite foods or desserts. I always failed at diets because I would work out then come home starving and always over it (even it was super healthy food). Today, I'm 7 days post op, and I HAVE NO hunger. I'm dealing with a bit of stomach acid, but the moment I take my antacid medication the grumbling disappears. Hate to say this is a miracle, but for me- this is absolutely life changing to wake up and not be starving. Hallelujah.

So I found out yesterday when I signed my consent that my co-payment for the hospital stay is $250.00. How sweet is it that the owner of my company said he is going to pay it for me because he is so proud of what I am doing to improve myself and my health. God is truly good, all the time.

Only five days left of my lovely liquid diet. I have to say it is not as bad as I thought it would be, I haven't killed anyone. I do miss chewing my food but it is worth it, I am worth it. I do experience headaches but it is nothing asprin can't handle. I have been very tired but I use crystal light energy and that keeps me up while I am working. I am looking forward to working out today, I have a gym membership at the wellness center at the hospital where I will have my surgery. I love water aerobics. I have always liked exercising it is just that at my weight I can only do about a minute so water aerobics is the only option where I can move for a couple hours consistently. I am so excited that I get 3 weeks off from work, I have to say I will definitely be finding a new job, that is half of the joy of having surgery is just to be away from work. I was born for retirement but my checkbook thinks other wise. So looking forward to all that is coming, good luck and blessings to all

My sister stopped by yesterday, and walks in the door and says OMG!! I can tell in your face already..... She makes me go in the bathroom in front of the mirror and we stood there and she told me to lower my face so you can see how many double chins we had. I noticed!!!!!! it was not there compared to the way I used to have BIG double chin. So then She started looking me over and said let me see your stomach so I showed her........ she said YEP I can tell your tummy is not out as far. Well I am down from my highest weight of 263 to 242... 21lbs down!!!!!!!!!! and then we measured my waist down 2 inches!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! She started saying OMG ( yes one of our favorite words to each other)" now I have to really start working on myself!" She has gained weight over the years but still not as heavy as I got, she is about 180 something. So she is doing the protein drinks for 2 meals and then salads, chicken, shirmp, and different low cal. meals. So because of my surgery my sister might get healthy also. Another side note, my boyfriend has been eating healthier he is down 15lbs by eating healthier which will help me in the long run. Been working at this since May! My mom is coming over today to do our toe nails, I bought some fun colors!! Should be a good day! Friday is my Dr. follow up appointment, I shall see how far my new scales are off from the Dr.'s scales!!! I do not look forward to the drive about 2 hours up, 2 hour appointment, and 2 hours back. So for a long day tomorrow!!

I have not been on in awhile and thought I would provide an update on my journey. I had an endoscopy on Monday. According to the doctor I am a good candidate for weight loss surgery. I fell asleep and 20mins later I was in another room. I was surprised how fast the whole process was completed. I woke up coughing a lot but besides that I can't complain. Before the procedure the nurse asked about my period and my cycle is so messed up I have not had a period in 3 months, (I called the gyno office and was told not to worry about anything) so they gave me a pregnancy test. I was so happy to find out it was negative!!..First of all I am the biggest I have ever been right now and two I am separated from my husband and I am not completely sure how much longer we are going to be married. When this whole process started I thought 3 months was a long time to wait, but I notice now the time is going by so fast. I still have things to get done on my end. I am looking forward to having everything done by the 3 month mark- October 2nd. I am so happy with my decision to go through Baylor Medical Center, everything has gone well so far. I look forward to my next step which is a nutrition appointment on Tuesday..just taking it a step at a time.

Hello, my name is Linsey and I have been overweight since I could form a memory. I am now 33 and fortunate to have the opportunity to have the vertical sleeve covered through insurance. I have tried and failed many diets and my last attempt at a 12 step program was helpful but not as much as I needed. I am really looking forward to the little rewards that are going to come, like having a lap for my nieces and nephews to sit upon, walking a mile and not needing an ambulance afterwards or halfway through, riding a bike, roller skating, shopping in a regular clothing store which would be a first, riding a roller coaster, dating, and my gut not rubbing against my steering wheel as I drive. I just want to fully enjoy my life and not the food, I have enjoyed enough food now and am ready for this tool to give me the help I need. I love reading all the blogs, it is amazing to know I am not alone in this journey. I'll write more later.