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Hi, to anyone who's listening. I'm 45 year old New Yorker, newly separated, a Mom of 2, and about to embark on a terrifying adventure...lap band surgery. I have been chubby all my life. Never the biggest girl in the room, but certainly the girl next in line after her. Fortunately I have always had enough personality to pull it off without suffering a lot of the discrimination I have seem others suffer. Despite my weight I've become a successful doctor and author and have appeared on many many TV shows talking about what I love most, my field of Psychiatry. There is not a time I see myself on TV that I don't wonder, "wasn't there some skinny little Kelly Rippa shaped Shrink available?" Obviously they like what I have to say enough to overlook the limitations on camera angles a girl my size demands. I am flattered. And when Mehmet calls you don't say no. I didn't always mind being big. I come from a family of overweight people who love themselves and carry out fruitful productive happy lives. My parents are both very overweight but smooch each other like newlyweds. I never believed being fat meant you didn't deserve to be loved, or that any doors would close because of your weight, unless of course you wanted to be a ballet dancer or a model, and I did not. Then a few years ago I hurt my back lifting my then 3 year old daughter who had had a classic 3 year old middle of the crosswalk throw down in which you either sweep her up or let her be run over by a bus. I chose the former. Really I had no choice. That moment was the beginning of the end. My daughter lived but my painfree life ended. A herniated disc. No amount of PT could make it get better. Eventually I needed surgery. Surgery didn't help. Now I need another surgery. There is not a day when my actions are not severely limited by pain. But don't worry, I'm not here to be a drag and write about depressing stuff. I want solutions. And I'm pretty sure that no matter what they can or can't do to my back, it would certainly help if I lost 50 lbs. Then there's the sad status of my relationship. When I look back on my 10 year relationship I realize that in many ways I allowed a bad situation to brew. When my spouse was working all the time and always late, missing family events and blowing off birthdays this voice inside me was furious. But somehow I rationalized that if I was the trophy wife I was supposed to be I would have had more power to make demands. Instead everything I said seemed to fall on deaf ears. With no cuddle or kindness to look forward to at the end of a hard day I could at least count on the sensual delights of a delicious dinner. In many ways the weight was my friend: When the affection stopped altogether the only thing that kept me faithful was my weight. Over the years I have tolerated a lot of treatment that I believe I would not have stood for had I not had a weight problem. Even things like my spouses smoking, which I hated, I felt I couldn't put my foot down about, because here I was with this uncontrollable behavior as well. There were a lot of things I didn't demand for fear my spouse would demand I lose weight, and I knew I couldn't. I'm tired of feeling like I can't have a voice. I'm tired of not being able to participate fully in my daughters life. I'm tired of feeling like the time in life to travel and hike and camp and kayak is past. I'm tired of wearing clothes that do not reflect who I am because someone thinks fat people like to wear rayon smocks with no style. I'm tired of having to lie down to rest my aching back when my head is full of dreams and plans and my heart is itching to participate. I'm tired of getting ready for a date wondering wondering what abominable personality trait, mole, tail, wart cult whathaveyou etc I will have to endure in exchange for their willingness to deal with my weight. So a few months ago I walked alone into a NYU lap band info session and I learned something. I thought the band was just basically a way of training you to eat less because you barf if you don't. There I learned that the band actually acts to trigger fullness nerves so that you feel satisfied eating less. That sounded awesome. Because as a physician I know a lot about Nutrition and Healthy eating. I am expert at making healthful meal plans for my fussy 7 year old who is underweight...but who I'm determined to not have develop bad eating habits. I've been going to Weight Watchers since the Ice Age but I can't eat that little!!! I know what a normal portion looks like, but damned if I feel satisfied after eating that little. Lap Banded folks say that the band really changes their relationship to food, that they are able to eat just a half a cup a few times a day and feel satisfied. This is incomprehensible to me. But man, it sounds awesome. So this fall I'm getting banded. My BMI is too low to get my insurance to pay for it. My choice is gain 17 lbs, qualify, then spend 6 months of supervised weight loss...or spend the whole $20K I've been able to save since my divorce and starting over...and Ive decided to just do this one big expensive indulgent crazy ass thing for myself. I'm going for it. I'm not going to Mexico. I'm going to NYU, the best place I know of in the neighborhood where I live because from now on I want no compromises on my happiness. I'm tired of making the budget work by taking away from what I need. I need my life back. I do this, and by next summer imagine who I can be?! My ex seems excited by the prospect of the skinny me, but doesnt know that I have plans for a personality makeover for that skinny girl. Second Chance Sally is going to be much more demanding, much less charming, much less acquiescent than the girl I used to be. Fat me was a people pleaser, a giver, the one who didn't complain. The old me really cared what people thought, really wanted people to like her. Second Chance Sally is going to speak her mind, stand her ground, demand her due and do it all wearing Desigual. Second Chance Sally is getting skinny before her kid has the chance to notice she's fat and be ashamed of her. SCS, as I like to call the new me, is so not psyched about sliming and PBing and yet more surgeries, but I'm cleaning out my storage space and for once I am not saving all those sizes I no longer fit into. Even though this might be the first chance I've had to get back into those sizes. NOPE. If in fact I do get down to those new sizes I am going SHOPPING for some new things. A new start. Will you join me for the ride?

So I found out yesterday when I signed my consent that my co-payment for the hospital stay is $250.00. How sweet is it that the owner of my company said he is going to pay it for me because he is so proud of what I am doing to improve myself and my health. God is truly good, all the time.

Only five days left of my lovely liquid diet. I have to say it is not as bad as I thought it would be, I haven't killed anyone. I do miss chewing my food but it is worth it, I am worth it. I do experience headaches but it is nothing asprin can't handle. I have been very tired but I use crystal light energy and that keeps me up while I am working. I am looking forward to working out today, I have a gym membership at the wellness center at the hospital where I will have my surgery. I love water aerobics. I have always liked exercising it is just that at my weight I can only do about a minute so water aerobics is the only option where I can move for a couple hours consistently. I am so excited that I get 3 weeks off from work, I have to say I will definitely be finding a new job, that is half of the joy of having surgery is just to be away from work. I was born for retirement but my checkbook thinks other wise. So looking forward to all that is coming, good luck and blessings to all

food is/was and proably will allways be my drug of choice forget the vidoden and give me a steak and some mashed potatoes i have said many times it's like being a drug addact but saying you need some drugs to live i wish we just take a pill (like on the jetsons--am i dating myself?) and not have to shop/prepar/cook/clean up while all the time wanting to like the plates clean the band has helped a lot ...i know if i lick the plate or drink the gravy i will be sick good luck....it gets better ....not easy but better

I couldn't have said it better myself. I believe food addiction is real, and the only way to control it is to avoid it. One taste or nibble sends me over the edge. I give a rats @$&? and struggle with every temptation. Here's to us controlling our demons.

If it's any help, i've had several people with Fibro tell me that it gets better after weight loss. I can't wait to find out for myself. Please keep me updated. ~ and CONGRATS on the date! you sound super prepared.

You sound like me! I was sleeved August 8, spent 2 days in the hospital and released on day 3. Hard to get out of bed, hate the smell of food cooking only because I miss chewing! LOL Yep, got my hair colored and cut too. I'm supposed to go back to work this Friday