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Dear food, You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me. You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go. I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends. With no regrets, Lila (I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

I use to have people say, oh I didn't realize it was lunch time. I would be like yeah right, how the heck do you forget lunch. Today I was sitting in my office working and someone walked into my office and ask, aren't you eating lunch. I was like huh, it's to early then I looked at the clock 12:30 - WOW I had no idea it was lunch time. I also use to get annoyed when friends would eat a small salad or an apple and be like man I am so full. I had an apple and natural peanut butter for lunch and geez I am full. I actually really enjoyed my healthy lunch. I can't believe I am already one of those people. While eating one apple slice I didn't chew enough and felt it get caught a bit, no PB'ing or sickness just a little tightness. Wow I have a band and it's working. Yesterday instead of cooking like I would normally do on a rainy day I got on our elliptical and worked out and it felt good. I am enjoying working out- WTH? I am doing it, I am really doing it!!! I lost 2 lbs in the last week --- YEAH Me!! I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be and the person who I was always jealous of. I know I will have a day again that I am doubting my band, but today I am thrilled with it. I feel like my band is helping me achieve a life long dream. Thanks to all of you out there who inspire me to keep it up - Missy, carolina girl, jean - thanks for the help and for the post that kick me into action. Bansters ROCK!

Hello! Well, I don't blog as much as I should or would like to. Life is just super busy and super wonderful! I am finally under 200 lbs (this morning the scale said 197!!!). I know this sounds like a lot to many, but I am thrilled. I haven't weighed under 200 for my entire adult life. Starting out at my heaviest at 270...it is a HUMONGOUS change! I really feel great. I have tons of energy. I used to say I wasn't a night person, but...I just might be now. Before VSG, I could go to bed at 8pm and wanted to. Nowadays, I look at the clock and can't believe it is already 11pm and I'm still up and going! I do try to get to bed by 11-11:30pm though. I do like my sleep and need it for health and to rest, due to the great workouts I've been doing. I work out 6-7 days a week. I do something different most every day. Here is a sample of what I have planned for this week's workouts: Monday (today): 1 hr Spinning class and 1 hr Yoga class, after spinning Tuesday: 1 hr Medicine Ball workout; 1 hr power walk Wednesday: 1 hr Outdoor Bootcamp Thursday: either 1 hr Spinning class or 1 hr Bootcamp indoor Friday: 1 hr Spinning class (early morning); 90 min Yoga (lunch) Saturday: Bicycle Ride - 25miles Sunday: Hiking - 8-10 miles I've been following a really healthy plant based diet, 90% of the time, along with doing some yummy green juicing. The other 10% of my diet has included some dairy (greek yogurt and some cheese) and some seafood and a bit of chicken (I just can't turn down a few bites of my husband's amazing jerk chicken). The weight is coming off, whoop whoop, but it has slowed. Now 8 months post-op, I definitely can eat more now than I have been post-op. So, I do have to watch most everything I put in my mouth. I just eat real healthy - no or very minimal processed food, dairy, animal products. In retrospect, it is amazing how much food I used to eat. More amazing is how little food I eat now, need to survive and to loose weight. I have a follow-up appt in September with my doc. At that point I will post before and after photos. Live is GOOD! One Love.

My sister and I are bestfriends. We get asked all the time if we're twins, and we always tell the person asking that we are. They also reply with "wow, you're identical"! It's always been fun because we'd share eachother's clothes, make jokes about our weight, fight over leftovers, cry over clothes shopping and embarresment of more weight gain, binge together, and confide in each other about how much it hurts to always be "the big girl" and never the pretty girl. Misery loves company, right? We did everything together, and understood each other in terms of the low self-esteem that comes with being a young adult...a fat young adult, at that. But this all changed 3 weeks ago and 38 pounds later. My sister just had vertical sleeve surgery. I watched her struggle with her approval. I even bothered her about it when I was jealous when I had no insurance and mentioned often to her it was the "easy way out". I was excited for her, but her journey seemed exhausting with all the hoops insurance threw at her, that I honestly never thought we'd see the day come. She (was) before the surgery 38 pounds heavier than me. I found a sort of consolation in that, as hard as that is for me to admit. Why? I'm not sure. I think I felt and do feel so lousy about myself that I tried to believe that it was okay, and that I'd always be smaller than her, and that I wouldn't be the biggest one on the family. Selfish and mean of me considering how much she means to me. And now the weight is flying off of her, and now we're the same exact weight, and I suddenly feel...alone. I'm ecstatic for her. Thrilled that she is happy. So excited to see her daily progress, and so excited to see her confidence already begin to blossom. She's showered in compliments and oohs and ahhs. I'm scared. I admit to myself that I'm alone in this right now. The comfort of having a "binging partner" the comfort of knowing we'd always be big and miserable TOGETHER and never alone, and now it's changed. Now she gets full off of two bites, and I stare at her in disbelief, in both happiness, and bitterness. Jealousy is such a horrible trait to carry around...especially when it comes to jealousy over loved ones. It's such a evil, sinnister, disgusting little tyrant that continues to drain. I hate that. I just know that I've now become the biggest one. She, as well as food, was our security blanket...and I'm sure I was hers as well. Food provides consolation and comfort and solace. Our relationship consisted of a shared common interest in junk food and a shared understanding of what it felt like to be fat and miserable. My sister is the happiest she's ever been. So where does that leave me? Well, I decided in late May early June once I got insurance, that I would join in on her journey and take "the easy way out". This journey has been anything but easy. I want to rekindle a relationship with her not based on food, but based on making health a priority and positive changes for us both. I want us both to feel good. I want to transition to a new life with her. Most of all, I'd like to bond over real interests...not just what type of fast food joint we hope to eat at next. I want the rest of this year to focus on transitioning and good, healthy, positive changes. For everyone.

After researching I used a recipe for protein pancakes that I like and wanted to share with everyone. This recipe also included blue berries, which I love so much. You can also used other fruits that are in season in this recipe. High protein Blueberry Pancakes 2 Eggs or use egg whites 1/4 container of your favorite protein shake ( I like adkins advantage and Premier shakes) 1/2 c Oatmeal 1/8 tsp cinnamon 1/4 tsp baking soda Dash of Splenda or Stevia 60 gr blueberries ( or fruit of your choice) dash of vanilla (optional) Pam cooking spray or use small amount of Canola Oil combine of all ingredients in your blender and prepare your sauce pan by heating on high for 5 minutes or so and reduce heat to medium/low. Slowly pour mixture forming your pancakes cook eat and enjoy! I enjoyed my pancakes so much and I am glad to have another option for breakfast. If you do not like Oat meal you can use 1/2 c Whole Wheat flour and add Splenda or Stevia to sweeten. Using my favorite protein shake sweetens my pancakes enough for me and I use whole eggs as my pouch is unable to tolerate eggs alone.

So i been watching that show extrema makeover weightloss addison and I have a few thoughts. Dear weight loss Fairy. I would like a trainer to follow me around at all times. I would like you to take my couch in retrun please leave me a treadmill, an arc trainer and a stair climber and a zumba floor so i can partice my dance moves. I promice they will get great uses in my house and i will enjoy them more then my couch I would like my exsess skin on my back lower stumic and under arms removed and i also like you to make the TATAs perky again as now they are saggy and lost there pep. Thank you please great my wishes Laura

Its been awhile since I added an entry to this blog but since mid-July I have... 1) Had my gallbladder removed on 8/3. 2) Scheduled my surgery for 9/4. (Woo Hoo!!) 3) Started my pre-op diet (it is currently Day 3!) My pre-op diet consists of 4 Bariatric Advantage shakes a day and since Friday, I have lost 6 lbs! So that is motivating. My surgeon told me I have to lose at least 15 lbs by surgery, which I feel like will not be a problem if I have already lost 6?! I know its just water, but still. Pretty stoked. I am using the Chocolate Bariatric Advantage powder for my shakes. Though I did try the Nectar "fuzzy navel" flavor today as I had a sample and it was VERY tasty! Tasted like juice. So I think I will be ordering some more of that from the Bariatric Advantage website.My mom got me a NINJA blender which I have been using for some of my shakes to make it more like a frapp. Doesn't really come close to Starbucks, but its tolerable! In preparation for post op, I have purchased some Isopure unflavored powder (about $50 for a 3lb tub, on sale) and some pre-made Isopure drinks, fruit punch flavored. The pre-made drinks came in a pack of 12 bottles, for $64!!! However, they were on sale and then the cashier gave us an additional discount so it came out to about $25! What a steal This was all at GNC. The cashier seemed a little confused/curious as to what I could possibly be using all this protein for... finally I told her I was having Lap Band surgery and she nodded and said a lot of people come to GNC for bariatric supplies. Nosy! So I basically have to get through 2 work weeks, 2 more weekends, and Labor Day on liquid diet before my surgery. Seems like a long time but I have a calendar that I am crossing off the days on. Hopefully with work and everything it should fly by?? Yeah, right. I just keep telling myself this is only temporary...

Week 17 Last week’s weight – 204 This week’s weight – 202.8 Total weight lost this week – 1.2 lbs Total weight loss since surgery – 43.2 lbs Average weekly weight loss since surgery – 2.4 lbs I am very happy to see a loss this week. I lost the .2 I had gained last week and another pound. I am past the WOW stage of weight loss (where I see a massive amount of weight – which I say is anything over 1.5 pounds – melting off of me). I’m now in the “recommended” level of weight loss – approximately .5 to 1 pound a week. I’m still exercising (walking 3 miles most mornings) and I started adding in some light weight training afterward. I use the exercises in the book 8 Minutes in the Morning by Jorge Cruise. His basic premise is if you add in some very moderate weight you will see a bump in your weight loss as muscle burns more than fat. I’ve only done it six mornings so I can’t really give it a solid review (I’ve had the book on my shelf for YEARS). I didn’t like the order of the activities so I cut out the exercises and rearranged them so they made sense to me (essentially I don’t want to have to get up off the floor to do a standing exercise so I do two floor exercises instead). There were some complaints about that on Amazon after I bought the book so I thought I would solve the problem myself (although I hate cutting up a book L). I had a training class that involved eating out every meal for three days. I thought I did pretty well with my low carb choices and I kept at least half of every meal for breakfast the next day. Lunch was a cold cut sandwich bar and I just steered clear of the bread. I did have wine several nights (the hotel had a free happy hour – hard to turn that down!) but I made sure to exercise while I was away. I weighed myself when I got back to see the damage and I had lost the .2 pounds I had gained last week. I don’t tend to weigh myself everyday but I do weigh myself once a week. I have a girl friend that doesn’t weigh regularly and she recently stepped on the scale and was in shock she was at 220 (from 180). I think the weekly weigh in keeps me accountable (as well as posting on this blog). I bought a new bathing suit at Kmart this week (all their suits were on sale I bought a regular size 18 bottom and I couldn't find a matching size top so I got an 18W top - I need to have my mother-in-law bring up the straps in the back so it gives me more chest support but still from a size 22 that is not bad!). I had to donate my size 22 one from Lands End because it was too baggy. My other suit is all black and I wanted something more colorful. A friend took this picture of me at the beach. Normally I wouldn't have let her but I figured I might need a comparison shot as we go into next summer and I am hopefully at my goal weight. My challenges this coming week – Going out with a friend to Olive Garden (already looked up low carb options and will limit myself to one glass of wine). In a training class two days and it most likely will involve lunch out both days Taking a friend for a medical treatment out of state and will be eating out 4 days (hoping the hotel has a workout room). I’ll let you know how I do next week!