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Dear food, You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me. You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go. I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends. With no regrets, Lila (I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

I am 100% born and bread southern girl. I even grew up on a farm. Being from a small community and a small baptist church food is everything. I mean seriously, being southern and southern baptist = we eat for every reason. The southern way is when someone dies you take food, when someone has a baby you take food, we someone has a birthday you have a party with lots of food. The old saying about baptist and fried chicken are not far from the truth. Our church go together all the time for means, homecoming, revivial, bible school, weddings, funerals, heck we had Wed night dinners at church. At home each summer my mom, grandmother and I would work in the garden. At 31 years old I can freeze or can any veggie and make my own home made pickle. There is no fruit I can't make a cobbler with. In the summer each weekend we would make some kind of sweet treat for whom ever may drop by for a visit on Sunday afternoon. Yes, people still lived like this in the last 30 years. I am totally not complaining I had an awesome childhood. I knew how to cook by the time I was 13 and was cooking a full meal for the family at least once a week at that age. I still make my own pickle each summer, I hate store bought and I freeze fresh corn and can string beans and tomatos. I know I am odd, but I am me. All this life revolving about food got me to nearly 250 lbs. Since I was 5 years old my weight has fluctuated up and down. In 9th grade I was already in a size 20. My senior year of high school I lost weight and got down to a size 16, but that was after an accident when lead to months of pain and physical theraphy. I manage to keep the weight off through college, but once I was out I gained that plus some. When I married I wanted to be the little ms suzy homemaker, so I would cook enough for an army because that was what I was use to, but it was just me and my husband. To keep the food and sweets from being thrown away we would eat it, so both mine and my hubs weight went up. Now at 31 years old, I have decided to change. I have had to change my way of thinking. First off I have become the odd one who instead of bringing food to a greiving family I bring paper plates, and napkins or stamps. Since the family send thank you notes the stamps keep them from having to buy them. I have learned when hosting a party one sweet something the rest healthy ( think fruit plate and veggie plate). Instead of drinking the house wine of the south (SWEET tea) I drink water. Instead of frying everything, I grill, bake, broil and steam. This has not and continues not being an easy transition, but it is happening and it is rewarding. Since I began this journey back in April, my husband's eating habits have changes and exercise habits have changed. He is eating better and working out more. My parents even though they are not here with us I talk to them a lot and they are trying my new healthy recipes and I have gotten my dibetic dad to change from gaterade to propel. So my trying to change me for the better are changing the ones I love. So it is worth it. I told my husband once that nothing worth having ever came easy and this is no different. So instead of dreading each change I look forward to the challenge and will meet it head on with the help of my family. I am still a southern belle, but I won't continue all the southern traditions.

So here it is, the day before my sleeve surgery. I've been up since 5:00, went to the store, cleaned the litter box and taken out the trash. My mind is racing, trying to think of anything I've forgotten to do. For the moment, all I think I have left is to do laundry and pack my bag. 6:00 can't come soon enough! A bit of background about me - I'm a 51 year old single mom. Even though my children are all adult (at least technically, I feel mom is my most important identity. However, I got a bad case of empty next syndrome last year and decided I need to find something to occupy my time. Otherwise, I would sit in front of the tv more than I already did and gain even more weight. So I started back to college. When I graduated high school, college seemed important only if you were going into a specialized profession (doctor, psychiatrist, lawyer, etc.) So I went to work instead. I got married young (22), had three children and then decided at the age of 30 that I couldn't live the rest of my life in a bad relationship. So I left with my 1, 6 and 7 year old. Those were some tough years but so much better for all of us. I know have a married 28 yo son, my 26 yo son is in the Air Force and my 22 yo daughter is in college. Taking classes again (I went to school part time in my 30's) has been so much fun. I've always enjoyed learning new things and although I started out interested in digital forensics, I think I'm switching to multimedia web design. It ties more closely to my current job and besides, it's more fun! Anyway, in bettering myself via education, I also started getting serious about my health. My daughter was diagnosed with MS two years ago and although she's doing pretty well, MS is a disease that can change on a dime. I know that I need to be as healthy as possible and stick around a long time in case she needs me. So after finally obtaining health insurance after going without for 10 years (thank you, President Obama and the ACA!), I had a physical at the beginning of the year. My doctor asked if I had considered weight loss surgery, and when I said yes, he really perked up. I originally thought about getting the band because it was reversible and seemed the least invasive (lol). My doc was the first one that mentioned the vertical sleeve. He had it done last year and said it was the best thing he's ever done in his life. In fact, his wife had it done as well. My family has been going to this guy for close to 20 years, so this made a real impact on me. I went to an information session, still thinking about the band. Then I heard about the success and complications rates. In contrast, the sleeve sounded like the most eloquent and effective option. So I started my six month diet plan, ran through the battery of tests and got my approval in July. In the meantime, I had my gallbladder removed (the main reason for getting insurance in the first place) and surgery to repair my deviated septum. I also did a sleep study, was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (my only co-morbidity) and issued a CPAP. So at this point, all my out of pocket expenses have been met (or billed at least) and my sleeve tomorrow should be "on the house." Throughout the last eight months, I haven't been as strict on my diets as I should. My highest weight a couple of years ago was 305. At the beginning of the year, my weight was 294. This morning, I weigh in at 266. I have lost a total of 12.5 inches since I started tracking it in April. I have two weight goals. The conservative one I set with my surgeon is 190. This is the lowest weight I remember being as an adult and I felt really good and thought I looked pretty good (I was 5'8-1/2" at the time, I've shrunk an inch since then!) Checking the BMI calculators, 165 would be the highest weight I could have to be considered in the normal range. I do have a large bone structure (I know, everyone says that) so I don't know if it's attainable or not. I think I will be happy with anything between that range, frankly. Anyway, this hasn't been too funny of a post, but it's my first one. I have to give some background and endear me to your hearts before I release the snark. And don't worry, it's there. I've just got it chained up for the moment. If you're just starting out in your journey to sleeve surgery, hang in there. Read a bunch of stuff, get educated and ask questions. Make sure you are mentally prepared to make this life changing decision. If you focus your will and effort on it, you will be successful!

Tomorrow (August 20, 2012) I am having my lap ban surgery. A little nervous. Not so much about the surgery, but my life changes. I have a really close friend that had it done and has done really well. She still has her social life and goes out with friends for parties and suppers. The week before is awful. But I know it will be worth it.. The more support the better it goes. I have met a couple of other fantastic woman having the same surgery. We talk often and it sure does help.

Over the past few months I've had no regrets at all about this surgery. I've spoken to a couple people who have had the gastric bypass in the past few months. I'm always shocked at how many people have complications from that procedure. I also chose a program that was an hour and a half away instead of the one only 45 minutes away because the informational session at Dartmouth was WAYYY too lenient. They made the surgery sound so hunky dory and all they wanted to talk about was the money part and positive parts. My program I chose, basically from the start made the entire process sound like hell. I am so glad I chose my program, it was more work, but I have more support, less complications, and an overall better outcome I think. I met someone tonight who had gastric bypass and she is 10 mos postop, has lost almost 200 lbs in that time, but she cannot eat solid foods still and has to eat baby food to this day. She said she has constant diarrhea and vomiting. She regrets every day ever having the surgery. It took me 14 months from the informational meeting to the day of my surgery (mostly because my insurance required a 15% weight loss) but it would of been at least a 6 month wait anyways because that's what the program required. It required all people to quit smoking at least 6 months prior to surgery, which I think is an excellent requirement, I quit 3 years ago. So many people rather take the easy and fast program, because let's face it after (for most people) a lifetime of being overweight who wants to wait that much longer. But I am sooo glad I took the time in this decision. I am so glad I didn't go to the Dartmouth program and I'm so glad I chose the sleeve. There's this woman who had the bypass surgery the same time I had my surgery and we always have our followup postop appt's on the same day. Every time I see her, she has a new complaint and complication. Then again I think she made a lot of her own problems, because on our 4 week post op she was telling me she was having a hard time eating and could only take in those peel cheese sticks for food, which was a big no no.. Then at our 6 week postop meeting, she came out of the dieticians office and the dietician was telling her to stop eating pasta. I still to this day will not eat pasta, no nutritional value. This woman always tells me she can't hold anything down and is in severe pain all the time etc. SO yea I always count my lucky stars that I made the right decisions and chose the program that I did and the procedure that I chose.