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Yeah! The Nurse Practitioner called me Friday on the drive home from work. She was working through the files on her desk just like I was told. Now that things are in her hands, it seems as though the ride from here might be a bit smoother. I am not scheduled: August 21 - Endoscopy September 24 - Chest X-Ray; EKG; Blood Work September 26 - Review tests with Nurse Practitioner, go over 2 week diet requirement and schedule the surgery date!! After talking things over with my hubby, and trying to navigate the events we have coming up, I believe I'm going to work to begin the 2 week liquid diet on 10/15. I have a wedding party to do make up for (Mary Kay Consultant) the first weekend of October. We are taking my 88 y/o mother-in-law on vacation the next weekend (10/12). That would put my surgery (if I'm lucky and there's availability) the week of 10/29....which puts it very near my birthday. I'm TOTALLY ok with that, as this can then be my birthday present to myself!!! At 44, I'll be starting a new me! Next year, it will be 2 birhtdays in one! This will also mean (hopefully....if post-surgery recouperating goes well) that I could potentially have turkey and mashed potatoes with everyone at Thanksgiving! And Christmas will be even better because that will be about 8-9 weeks out and things should be showing significant progress. (I know, maybe a bit Pollyanna-ish, but if you're not positive, things won't happen, right?) WHOO HOO!!! I'm SO excited this is finally moving forward.

Well I have finally calmed down from finding out I was approved. That was surely the longest 7 days of my life. I felt like a little kid again waiting for Christmas! So as I sit here tonight I'm feeling pretty good and have just been going through all the forums for insight on how my life is going to change. I am super happy but also trying to stay realistic in my own personal journey and knowing the weight is not just going to fall off overnight. Darn!! HaHa! I ordered 2 books today from Amazon and am excited for those to come. I am planning on going out and purchasing the Magic Bullet unless someone can suggest a better food processor?! I just like the "convenience look" of it but I've heard some say it leaks. I plan on starting my own personal blog page to have for day 1 banded and beyond. For me, I think it's important to referee back to where I was when I feel like I'm having a bad day. Exactly 1 year ago I was 60lbs lighter than I am now due to HCG shots and although it was a quick fix I wish I would have journaled how good I felt. Of course I gained it all back and then some. Ahhhhhh, the things we do for vanity. I am looking forward to finally embarking on a journey that will stay with me for a lifetime! Life is good!

So close yet so far. I have been on a two week stall. It’s crazy. I am really trying hard not to freak out. I have been under a lot more stress lately. About a month ago, my older brother had heart failure. It was really scary. They were not sure if he was going to make it…but he did…now he is living with me…for now. My brother is morbidly obese, drank heavily, and was not taking his high blood pressure meds. Since moving in, he has gotten the blood pressure under control, quit drinking because now he can’t or it will kill him, and he has loss 30 lbs. in 30 days! As a heart patient myself, it was easy for me to tell him what he needed to change in his diet and near death experiences can be pretty motivating. But it made me a little sad that I could not stick to my own advice 5 years ago which lead me to having WLS to begin with. Then again, as I watched his pain and fear, I realized that I made the right decision for myself 6 months ago. I will be honest with you…there was the little bit of doubt in the back of my mind up until that day…could I have done it on my own…maybe I could had…No…watching him there in the hospital bed with all the machines and the wires and the doctors…No…I could not have done this on my own. If I did not take this step, that could have been me all over again. My weight and my eating habits were slowly killing me. I did not do this to look thin. I did this because I wanted to live…and live well…and live happy and so now I am living well and happy for the first time in my life. But back to my stall, this has been the longest stall so far. I really should not complain because I am 4’ 11’ and 123 lbs with according to the BMI chart I am NORMAL!!!! I passed my personal goal of 130 about 3 weeks ago but I am 3 lbs shy of my doctor’s goal. I really wanted to be there by this Friday for my 6 month follow up. I did finally join a gym last week but I have only gone once…I feel out of place there…so many mirrors. Still not used to seeing myself. Also…tee hee…when I went to the gym several men were checking me out…tee hee. Not used to that either. I am definitely going today. I am hoping to lose at least 1 lb before I Friday.

We've been in a fairly stress filled situation the past few months, and recently it has gotten more so. Stress isn't related to my surgery or weight loss........is related to other family issues. Nothing tragic, just stressful. So Wednesday evening, I told my hubby he had to get me outta this house........and being the wonderful charming chap he is......he did. I was just tied in knots and needed to blow off some steam. I don't have any girlfriends that I can share this with, so unfortunately for the hubby, he gets to play that part. In any event, I digress. So, we're riding down the road in his truck, he turns and asks "What do you want to eat?" I replied, "Does it really matter? I'll eat 4 bites and that'll be the end." And, we laughed..........and went for his favorite food......MEXICAN! So, we're sitting in this Mexican cantina, listening to the pitiful "live" music for Wednesday night and it happened......... I found myself wishing I could just stuff myself with food (chips, queso, salsa) and beverage (code word for Dos Rita - Dox Equis beer inverted in top shelf Margarita!) so............(now this was an eye opener for me)........I could FEEL BETTER!!! OMG!!!!! It's been 1 1/2 months since surgery and not once has that thought crossed my mind. Typically, I'm giggling at being the world's cheapest date, but somehow with all this stress, I WANTED to EAT and DRINK. I can't (stuff me with food and drink) and I gotta say it is so good to be saved from myself. But it does leave me wondering....is this part of how I got fat in the first place. I know it is, part of it. I can look back at food journals and see I dove off the wagon in times of great stress, usually self directed hatred at my own short comings.........and then the cycle started up. What to do with this new self discovery? How do I fill the space gluttony used to take in my life? More so, do I fill that space? Maybe the space where gluttony used to live.............is kinda like when I clean out my closet. I clean out what I don't want any more so I have room for all the new, cool, groovy, awesome stuff I want now. Or maybe I just leave it as a reminder that it leads somewhere I just don't want to go..........like those ugly, ugly jackets with the linebacker shoulder pads from the 80s!

Ok so I've posted on the past and the fun stuff, now time for a current update. I'm 20 months post-op. I've been stalled at my weight for probably 4 to 5 months. Sucks I know, but I have no one to blame but me. Bottom line I got lazy and some bad habits came creeping back in. I haven't gained which makes me so happy, but I haven't lost either . So what are these bad habits you ask.... Not eating enough protein, eating unhealthy foods, drinking while eating, not drinking enough water, not exercising regularly, and not sleeping enough. So to be fair to myself I have a crazy schedule. I work full time and go to school full time. I don't have children, but I am the one that cleans and cooks and keeps our house in order. My husband isn't lazy I just have OCD when it comes to cleaning and he can't cook to save his life. Still that is no excuse to eat crappy, skip the protein, and not exercise. I should be able to work all that in. I just let myself be lazy. So now I am correcting all of that. We I've been increasing my water intake and setting alarms for when I can drink after I eat and working out. That's been for the past couple of weeks. I caught myself the other day sipping while eating and someone shared the applesauce video with me. I haven't done that since lol. I have this great fear that I will stretch out my stomach, so I constantly test myself with water. I can hold 6 oz of water. My dr says that is perfect and exactly where I should be. So I haven't stretched it. Whew! I haven't gone up in inches either or clothing size. I've maintained it even through my laziness. The biggest change has been my hair. Yes, my hair started falling out after surgery and yes, it has all grown back. Only now....it's textured (technical term from my stylist). Meaning somewhere between straight and curly. Just enough that if I brush it with a brush it frizzes. It's annoying to have to figure out how to take care of my hair now that it's different. Lots of trial and error. Also, I hit that magic 18 month time for when I can start adding to our family. My surgeon gave me a go and my other Dr is happy with my weight and my blood work. So the good old fashioned way of having kids didn't work. That was step one. Now we are on step two, Clomid round one. Hopefully soon I'll have updates of future sleepless nights, but for now I have no such thing. I'm just happy that I can try. Lesson's I have learned: It's a journey that is long and slow. Take it one step at a time. Don't get discouraged and don't give up. I didn't become fat overnight and I won't become a size 2 overnight. :wub:

As I'm getting ready to head out to a concert tonight I was going through my checklist of items to take with me and thought it might be helpful to share the tricks I've learned for surviving a concert. Let's be honest, no matter how far from surgery you are, concert food is not good for you. I have no desire for beer, sticky frozen drinks, nachos, or anything else they can come up with. I'm talking the typical venue, not the nice House of Blues style with an attached restaurant. I'm heading to an outdoor concert and will be there for a good 4 hours. That means I'll need to eat at some point. You can't bring in outside food or drink, which is fine because they say nothing about powder. I generally take two baggies of protein powder (always have a backup). I carry a purse so it is easy for me to carry them. I will buy water and make my shakes while I'm there. I also take those water flavor packet things so that I can have something a little more refreshing if I get tempted to go get a soda. If you are lucky enough to go to a venue that will let you bring a cooler, you are golden and can put all kinds of goodies in there. Some venues will also let you bring in food if you have a card from your doctor (I've never seen said card, but I am told they exist and can be used to get smaller meals at restaurants). It isn't much of a tip, but not something people will typically think about. I learned when I went to my first concert post-op and was miserable. I was still on mushy food at that time.

So as of yesterday I am officially in training for my first 5K run. I am super excited and nervous at the same time. I really needed something to get me jump started. My energy hasn't been where I wanted it or needed it to be since surgery. So my friend invited me to run in the Graffiti Run with her. This is a super fun run/walk. It's a no pressure run that isn't about winning but more about celebrating the fact that you can actually finish the 5K. So yesterday I started my first day of training and was pretty pleasantly surprised that I did my first 2 miles in 20 minutes. Now I know to most runners that's nothing but for me someone who has never been a runner it was super huge. A 5K is actually a little over 3 miles so I have my work cut out for me. I am very excited about continuing my training and seeing how fast I can get my 5K time down to. I have til December so wish me luck guys!!!

Growing up, I always knew I was intelligent. I never "got" high school and I never understood why some women are so obsessed with other women and their choices. I also never "got" the whole obsession with actors. I know I will never meet one and if I do, he is not going to sweep me off my feet and marry me. Come on, how many actors are married to regular people? And if there are some, how many found the average woman walking down the street? However, I always knew I'd marry someone just like me. Someone who loves to get out and do things. Someone who loves nature. Someone who loves New York City as much as he loves a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. I was wrong. I married my best friend, and I have no regrets However, he's the type of man I never thought I would be with. The kind of guy I used to stand up for high school even though I never quite got their obsession with D&D and computers. I always did understand the feeling of not fitting in or thinking a little or lot outside of the box. I watched "Sliders" and "Quantum Leap" but "Dr. Who" and "Star Trek" were never interesting to me. When I met my husband, I used to laugh at him when he would put on these shows, or when he would sit in front of computer for hours on end killing imaginary creatures in imaginary worlds. But, lately, I've realized that my husband didn't change me, he allowed me to find and appreciate my inner geek. And to be honest, I kind of like her. She's smart. She get's sarcasm (in case you haven't noticed from my blogs). She's direct. She's a leader. She's a pretty darn cool chick if you ask me. But, there are still things I don't like. Old "Dr. Who" is boring to me (please don't yell at me for that), "Star Trek" isn't as bad, but I can always find something else to watch, and I still don't understand the whole, sit in front of the computer, killing others thing. Why would I do that when I can sit on here reading status updates from people I haven't seen in twenty years and probably have nothing in common with or "PIN" things that I will never do? I mean come on, at least my stuff COULD happen...one day...maybe....ok, NEVER. LOL. So, for now, I am allowing my inner dork to show her head sometimes. I think we all have a little bit of this person inside of us. The person we tried to hide from others (especially in H.S). The person who sings and dances in the kitchen for no reason and makes up songs while chopping veggies...(in the "here comes the bride tune) "Here comes the knife....all in my hand...he's going to get you and help send you to tummy land" Yes, I do all of those things. I am a DORK. I am a GEEK. I am NERD.....but, I'm also all those other things I've been my whole life....now, I'm just more complete. NOTE: I read this to my husband and his response was, "You left out the SCA" Now, for those who doubt I married a geek, you can go check out www.sca.org. The website will explain it much better than I can. No it's not like the move, "Role Models" or a Renfair However, my husband does leave me for weeks at a time to roll play and 'kill" other people. I am not involved....this is just one thing I never could "get" but hey, let my husband enjoy his inner geek....his is much more out in the open than mine.

I wanted to share some good news with y'all. When I go see my NUT on the 21st of this month, I am going to meet with my surgeon also. It looks like all my paper work is in order and I get to sign the consent forms for my surgery the same day. So after I sign the forms they send them to my insurance company and about a week or so after that, I should have a surgery date. I am so excited talk about being one step closer. You guys please pray and send me positive thoughts that all goes as plans.

So about 2 months before my surgery my loving Husband bought me a pair of pants. The size on the inside of them was indeed my size but you know how some stores sizes run much smaller than others. These came from one of those stores. So when I tried them on I couldn't even get them up past my knees. Talk about embarrassing and just making me feel like my life was over. Welp yesterday I decided I would try on those same pants (since my Husband has taken and hidden the scale I don't really have a clue what my weight is unless I go to the doctor). I figured the pants would for sure let me know just how much weight I have lost so far. Weeeeeell to my surprise they did fit and I even had to wear a belt with them because they were big in the waist.Talk about a WONDERFUL feeling. I mean when I left my house yesterday no one or nothing could've taken the smile off of my face. What made me feel even better is knowing that this is just the beginning and I have so much more weight to lose. I couldn't be happier about making the decision to have my surgery. What a life changing day yesterday was for me!!!!