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The Most Evil of all Man’s Inventions - When we were getting larger, the scale was an evil evil device. It was originally designed by man to assist in the development of early commerce, but over time it took on a new and insidious venture. It became the device that quantified what we already knew - we were getting bigger. It was not a secret. We knew it. We knew we were not eating right and could tell we were getting bigger. But as long as those elastic waists and comfort fit pants hung in there, we could kid ourselves into believing that it was not that much weight gained. It was all so vague and easy to ignore. But the evil scale ruined all that. That "couple of pounds" we had gained since last summer was actually 14.7 pounds!!! And what total chucklehead decided we needed a decimal point on a bathroom scale? What an idiot. I am not a pharmacist carefully measuring out a deadly drug. I am just a fat guy on a bathroom scale. The size of the number is bad enough, the decimal is just sort of an insult. "I weigh 277." Scale: "No, actually you weigh 277.6!" GRRRRRRRR, Stupid scale! I will tell you where you can put that .6 pounds…. BUT NOW…. I have come to reconsider my position -- and being down 50+ pounds has everything to do with it. That decimal point is an amazing and important invention. When I lose .6 pounds, you can bet I want to know all about it!! Don’t be depriving me of my 9.600 ounces of hard earned weight loss! I did not just go to the bathroom, dry my hair, clean out my ears, burp, get naked and take off my glasses to get some vague estimate!!! I have concluded that the scale is, in fact, not inherently evil. I have come to this based on recent events. Since I have had my surgery I have noticed something amazing that I had never noticed before. It may have been there all along, but I just did not know it. Maybe you knew….but until just recently, I did not know that ….. (wait for it) ….. The scale can actually go DOWN!!!! 　 Here are three great scale jokes!!! 　 A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help." "Sure it will." he said. "Now I can see the numbers." ______ 　 Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "What’s it for?" one asked. "I don’t know," the other replied. "I think you stand on it, and it makes you mad…at least it does that for my Dad." 　 　 ______ Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry with him. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. It was not big enough to be the sports car she demanded, so she put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday. ARE WE LAUGHING YET!!!!!!!

So fellow sleevers and to-be sleevers. Since I started the weight loss surgery journey back in Jan of 2011, I had so many people asking me about dieting and exercise along the way and I would try to supply them with some kind of information to help. I'd like to think I had some influence on at least one or two people, my aunt has lost something like 70 lbs by following the diet that I was given pre-op to lose the required amount of weight for surgery. My parents seek advice, as well as a few friends also. For some reason I had thought that people wouldn't ask any of this of me. I think I still feel like "everyone" feels I took the easy way out, which whatever they think is fine with me. If someone thinks I took the easy way out then they don't know me enough to be a true friend or family member to understand what I have gone through not only this past year, but my entire life for me to make such a huge decision. But anyways, I'm always smiling underneath when someone asks me for advice because I love to share my ideas, recipes, and tricks for diet and exercise. I've been talking to my husband, about possibly trying to link my nursing license with some kind of nutrition certificate or degree. I've looked briefly online with no luck yet, but I would love to help people looking to lose weight get through it, with or without surgery. I think that by simply being there one on one with a person and talking to them every day or so or going through their pantry or whatever they need to be motivated would be my dream job. I know for one, I hated going to my dieticians appointments because here are these skinny minnies who probably have never had a weight problem thier whole like trying to tell me how to eat and lose weight. If I could help someone by sharing my own experiences and such and my own tricks... oh man.. I think I found my calling.. LOL. Another part of it is that I LOVE to cook. Part of me wishes I had chosen a career in culinary because I absolutely love to cook new things and try new things. Since my surgery I've been very very careful though. I've almost been afraid to cook. But I'm starting to change my view on recipes and trying new but healthier recipes that are higher in protein and veggies and less in fat and calories. My parents have suggested that I start some kind of service to help people lose weight by offering "fast food" or home delivered healthy based meals. So for the working person who wants to lose weight and goes to buy all the healthy stuff and loads the fridge with veggies and such, but most of the time throws them out rotten because at the end of the day take out is so much better, they could instead call and order a healthy but fulfilling meal. I've been contemplating a lot and I think I may be on to something here, but I just need to pull it together I think...

I haven't been feeling very well for about two weeks. The pain has been on my left side, under my rib cage, almost center. The pain was also in my back around my kidney area. The pain would come in waves and cause me to curl up wishing for it to be over. Now, for the record, I am not a wimp. I don't cry over pain. But last night, I cried like a big fat sissy. The pain got to the point that I ended up in the ER. Now, I should have known this wasn't going to be a good night when EVERYONE at the hospital I told about my sleeve responded with the question "was the by-pass or the lap-band." Even the doctor had no idea what I was talking about. Then, to make matters worse, the doctor never once touched my stomach. He shot me up with pain meds...which I didn't mind at all considering how much pain I was in...and then sent me for a CT scan and an ultrasound. Needless to say, in 30mins they tell me I'm constipated. WHAT? I just paid that amount of money to find out I'm full of crap? When i asked about the pain the doctor responded, "well, that's where the poop is." WHAT??? Are you kidding me? Now, for the record, I drink all day long. Not the good, get you feeling all warm inside, make a fool out of yourself drinking...just normal crystal lite. How can I be backed up? Is fiber really THAT important? I will be honest, with the little I eat, I don't' know how I could ever get any fiber in me. My husband and I even thought about if I ate anything that would cause this. Actually, I ate really well. A lot of crab and shrimp, egg, and even a protein shakes. To be honest, I thought I was eating better than I have been in five months. Needless to say, they discharge me with a bottle of fizzy stuff that is supposed to loosen it all up. WHAT PART OF I HAVE A SLEEVE DO YOU NOT GET???? (what I wanted to yell at the medically trained idiot. Instead, I put the bottle in my purse, came home, got my fiber mixture out and my stool softener and took them. So far, nothing exciting has happened. Hopefully by tomorrow it will all work it's way out. Then, if I am still in pain, I will know it's way more than crap. But for now, it's official...I'm truly full of sh#$!!!

I'm one year today and just a few lbs from a normal BMI. I love my sleeve. It was a rough start with my complications but I would do it again in a heart beat. The picture is the start of my 6 month medically supervised weightloss, about 6 weeks before surgery then last Sunday. SW 242 Height 4'11'' 6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6) Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4 1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2) 2 months - 180 (- 14.2) 3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8) 4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8) 5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8) 6 months - 162.4 (-4.8) 7 months - 155.4 (-7) 8 months - 149.6 (-5.8) 9 months - 143.4 (-6.2) 10 months - 139 (-4.4) 11 months - 132.6 (-6.4) 12 months 126.8 (-5.8)

This week has been so full of ups and downs! But as the days progress and my stamina increases, the ups are far outweighing the downs. I'm still struggling some with a liquid diet (and still have one whole week more to go), but today I finally found a sense of peace in not having to worry about what I'll have for lunch or dinner or snack, or whatever. It's simply not the many options - I have soup, a protein shake, or juice mixed with protein powder, and that's about it. I am actually enjoying the simplicity. I would LOVE to eat and chew something, but I wouldn't even if it was sitting in front of me... mostly because I'm scared of what would happen if it gets stuck or whatever, and I am DONE throwing up for awhile. So taking it easy is much... well, easier. I've gotten to talk with some people on here, and am really loving meeting new people and where they are in their process of banding. It's so encouraging to talk to someone who is a month out from me, or a year out, or those who haven't gotten banded yet and have the excitement for the unknown! Looking forward to trying some new soup recipes, maybe a taco cheese soup or tomato-y lasagna/spaghetti soup Still no regrets!

So I thought I'd begin my blog by talking about what my life was like leading up to the surgery. My story is probably quite similar to many of yours. I have been overweight since I hit puberty at age 11. In that same year I was molested by someone I trusted and there was never any resolution. All of that coupled with the fact that my family (especially the southern - Mississippi family) did not have any restrictions on how much or what we ate, I was doomed from the start. I ate my way through middle school and high school. I was always the fat kid; the girl picked last and picked on. During this time, I moved around a lot. My mom and stepdad (who raised me) were getting divorced, my mom was on Meth, and life at home was hard so I tried living with family in Montana, Oregon, and Mississippi. And through it all I ate. High school was particularly troubling. I never had a boyfriend; I was ostracized by the other students at school. I was very unpopular due to my weight. I went to my prom...alone. All I wanted was to be accepted, but no one could see past the fat. My one saving grace was that I was smart and graduated with honors. I was now living in Las Vegas with my Step Dad Brian (who raised me and who I consider to be my Dad). He encouraged me to eat better, but after years of overeating, it was easier said than done. College made it worse. I started at community college and worked a full time job at the same time. Needless to say, my eating habits took a dive in college due to my busy and stressful schedule. I had moved out, took on a second job, and transferred to the university. In my desperation and loneliness, I started seeing a married man (one of the single biggest regrets I have in my life). After college, I got a job working for the local cable company, but always felt like an outcast because of my weight which had spiked at 255. Then my doctor turned me on to South Beach. At first it worked great! I lost nearly 65 pounds. I started feeling better...but as with every diet I tried, I started to plateau, got frustrated and the rate of loss, and fell back into poor eating habits. To make matters worse, during the plateau I was out of work for 4 months due to the recession and gained all the weight I had lost back and then some. I finally found a new job in HR at one of the casinos and tried to get back on track with healthy eating. I gave up eating from any restaurant with a drive through and gave up drinking soda. It worked at first and I got back down to 255, but it was short lived. My office was right across from the employee dining room and all the free lattes I could drink and brownies I could eat. In the course of a year I ballooned up to 268 pounds. My company started to offer onsite weight watchers programs so I joined up with my best friend of 14 years and we started to lose weight. She lost 60 pounds, I lost 10. Frustrating right? So I went back to good old South Beach which I had success on before. I didn't lose more than 20 pounds. I was getting very down and for a time completely gave up on myself. I started eating fast food and drinking soda again. I figured that I was one of those people who couldn't lose weight and why bother fighting it. I had flirted with the idea of weight loss surgery for about 8 years up to this point but always had a reason why not to do it. Then I had 2 major wake up calls, the first is I developed sleep apnea as a result of my weight. If you have ever had this you know how terrifying it can be to be jolted awake in the ***ht, heart pounding, gasping for breath. My doctor said the only way to get rid of it was to lose weight. The second wake up call came when I had an appointment with my OB GYN. My period had gone from a 4 day light flow to a 30+ day light, then heavy, then light flow. As it turned out I had developed menorrhagia. To top it off, my ovaries had stopped regularly producing an egg. To put it bluntly, my weight was making me unable to have children. I never realized how much I wanted kids until I was told I couldn't have them...unless I lost weight. My weight had skyrocketed to 285 pounds and I knew that if I didn't make a PERMANENT change that my life would be short and unhappy. Enough was enough. I started getting serious about the surgery option and doing a lot of research. Then after a year, I had sleeve surgery on July 10, 2012. It was time for a change. I chose the sleeve over the band because I knew myself well enough to know that I would probably chicken out at some point and have the band removed and balloon right back up to where I had been before. With the sleeve, I took that option away. I needed something permanent! I now have 2 birthdays, the day I was brought into this world, and the day my new life began…July 10th, 2012.

I had my surgery on July 10th. I had three full weeks of thin and thick liquids and am moving into the pureed stage (FINALLY). For me the physical aspect of the surgery has been going very well. I am healing great, my surgical glue and scabs have all fallen off and I am starting vitamin E oil to minimize the scarring. I do have some problems in the morning. I am tired, a bit turned off of eating or drinking anything, and feel yucky overall. I have been told that it is my body adjusting to my new smaller stomach and that it will pass. I did feel better this morning than I have in the past week and a half. My biggest struggle is the emotional rollercoaster that followed the surgery. The day after I was released I was sent to the emergency room with as it turns out...severe panic attacks. I only found this out after 18 hours in ER and another trip via ambulance the next day. Three weeks out and I still have mild panic attacks, but they get better each day. Xanax helps a lot. I went from taking 3 a day when first diagnosed to just one a day (yeah me!). The other side of this for me was the sadness and depression. I was depressed before my surgery due to the emotional trauma of being obese, but after the surgery I started to have depression spirals...bad ones. I would cry several times a day, I couldn't think positive to save my life. I went to both my doctor and a psychologist and they said that emotional turbulence is normal the first couple of weeks to a couple of months. Part of it is due to the fact that I just hit my life physically and emotionally with a big Mack truck, my relationship to food which had been a security blanket to me had changed, and as fat is consumed by the body the stores of estrogen in the fat is released causing more moodiness. The biggest hurtle I have faced is dealing with "buyer’s remorse". Knowing that my life will NEVER be the same again can be very scary, but I know in the end it will be wonderful. I just have to get past what I am calling "hell weeks" After upping my antidepressants a little bit; I am getting better at focusing on all the benefits that are heading my way as a result of the surgery. It will be a long road, but I know that the emotional turmoil is perfectly normal, and above all...temporary. I just take it one day at a time.

Well it has been 6 months since my gastric sleeve surgery. Up to now the weight was flying off and I was having no trouble meeting my 10 pound goal per month. This wonderful weight loss stopped dead after entering my 6th month. It is so frustrating to get so close to my goal weight and then bam it stops. Of course this is different for every individual. Every person responds differently to weight loss surgery. With Gastric Bypass surgery the average weight loss is 60-77% Excess Body Weight Loss (EBWL) in the first two years. That means that if a person is carrying 100 extra pounds, they will lose 60-77 in about 2 years. The Sleeve is 60-65%. These numbers are averages for large populations of US patients. I called to Dr Michael Feiz and spoke to him about this. He said this was a normal reaction that my body has now lost more than 60% of my excess body weight. The weight loss per month will now go down from 10-15pds per month to 2 to 5 pounds per month. Having talked with the dietitian on staff with Dr. Feiz we came up with new meal plans to achieve each goal per month. Morning meals now consist of complete protein such as protein shakes or an egg white omelet. Lunch – 2oz of protein with fruit such as a ½ of apple or pear. Mid afternoon snacks, a small piece of cheese or a protein shake. Dinner – consisting of 2oz of protein and 3-4 oz vegetable. Not drinking with any meals all this does is fill the stomach with empty calories hence I was hungry shortly after. Drinking 60 to 70 oz of water a day is a must. What I do after each meal, I drink 6 to 8 ounces of zero calorie free flavored water or Snapples diet. Every hour I drink until I have satisfied my total intake of fluids. Its so easy to start slipping into the old habits of eating when you don’t see the weight flying off. I found myself snacking on empty carbs, not drinking the fluids and just having this nonchalant attitude with myself. I also stopped doing my daily routine of exercise. Staying on track is not an easy feat to do. It can be a complete disaster when you start giving up. The scale will tip in your favor if and ONLY you stick with your doctor’s advice. Having the gastric sleeve is not a “cure all” for your weight loss. It takes dedication and determination to follow completely through even when you are at stumbling blocks. My best advice for this – stay in touch with your doctor. Tell him/her what’s going on and what to do to fix this. Ask questions and most of all don’t give in to temptation even when the scale does not show to your favor. Stay true to yourself…you have come so far with your weight loss. Don’t sabotage yourself and fall into old habits. Given the right tools to beat these temporary obstacles thorough education process and ongoing support will give you every advantage you’ll need to over achieve. If you are serious about losing the weight and are willing to dedicate yourself to what needs to be done you will achieve your ultimate goals. Remember you are in control of you and its up to and only you to make this happen.