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When Alex suggested members take a three day challenge by tracking every little thing they eat or drink, I thought, "Sure. Why not?" I figured that I'd just be writing down what I was tracking in my head, so no big deal, and I could not only say I read the <i>whole</i> newsletter, but I actually took action. So I attached a sharpened pencil to my daytimer and commenced to keep track of everything I put in my mouth. As I looked over my lists last night, I admit I was very close to tears. I would say that the past three days have been pretty typical for me - nothing really out of the ordinary that I could say messed up or changed my regular habits. So no excuse there. I cringe to write this. Over three days, I drank a <i>total</i> of 102 ounces of liquid, consumed +/- 950 calories, and had ZERO protein. I hope y'all were sitting down for this. I swooned myself. How could I, by any stretch of the imagination, call this healthy eating? Ick. Alex's challenge (and the outcome) brought to mind an experience I had working with a nutritionist for the benefit of a mutual client. One day while we were discussing ways in which to re-connect this starving girl to reality, the nutritionist said, "I've found that anyone who has problems with food has an almost infinite capacity for self-deception." Ouch. I'm certainly confronted with my capacity for self-deception. How did I ever morph the reality of that list into something different in my head? I was pretty confident I was keeping track... accurately. Of course, I filed away the decision to "...have more protein tomorrow" in the back my mind. Under a pile of other **** and covered with a mental wet-wool-blanket. Seeing in writing that I'd done that for three days in a row kind of puts my stated commitment to "get healthy" in jeopardy. And, as I am wont to tell my clients, "When the words and the actions don't match, you always go with the actions. They tell the truth." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. So, this morning, HWHN and I had a long discussion about what it really means to change our lifestyle. As it happens, he's just had his first complete physical in five years (I see all the women roll their eyes and the men shrug) and it turns out he's great except he's pushing the envelope for cholesterol. Ah. This requires a lifestyle change for him too. No more chocolate (he's the chocoholic) and no more cheeseburgers stuffed with deep-fried onion rings. (Fortunately, HWHN is not overweight, but apparently his arteries are protesting.) The 'lifestyle change' discussion precipitated a general discussion about our life, and we've decided to make some other changes as well. We've done this before, he and I - we know we can do it again. Changing our lives the first time meant I beat off the MS and got out of a wheelchair, and "flipping over the Monopoly board" again brought us out of the cold of the Great White Up to SandyTown and changed the course of HWHN's genetically-inherited arthritis. We can do this again. So an "epic fail" has caused us to take stock of what we're actually doing. Not just what we <i>think</i> we're doing. No. Really doing. And we're not doing so hot on the whole self-care thing. But, that's about to change. It's already begun. HWHN wants to avoid having to take Lipitor with all its attendant side-effects, and I'd like to get out of starvation mode, continue losing weight and keep at least a little bit of hair. Here's to Alex - thanks for the newsletter, the challenge, and the opportunity to really confront the self-deception that "...doth so easily beset us all."

It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago. However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now. Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again. I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will. I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now. Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.

Last month, I went to a professional conference in Dallas and met a lot of the same colleagues I meet every year. Many of them could not believe my dramatic weight loss. People kept telling me how good I looked. In fact, they were overflowing with comments over how good I looked. Over the last two weeks, I went out to lunch with two different friends of mine; people who I’ve known through work that have not seen me in a while. They were also gushing over how good I looked and how much weight I had lost. The bottom line that I took away from all of these comments was that I’ve lost a lot of weight. The reaction of all of these people scares me. The thing that it leaves me wondering is, “My God, how fat must I have been for these people to have such a reaction to my weight loss?” I never really thought that I was that fat. In fact, I know the numbers say differently, but I feel about as fat as I did when I had an extra eighty pounds on me. In fact, I even feel like I look as if I have another eighty pounds on me. So really, how fat was I? This is partly a very embarrassing question because I really must have let myself go. All of these comments from other people make me quite nervous. While I appreciate it, they feed into my insecurities. On some level, my weight loss is a private matter, and I would like to keep it as such. However, that’s not possible when everybody around you can physically see the changes in your body. People are bound to comment. I asked one friend with whom I can speak frankly with, “Everybody has told me how wonderful I look and how much weight I’ve lost. Everyone has been gushing over me, which leads me to wonder exactly how fat I was.” He just looked at me and said, “Jack, you were really fat. You were so fat that I was really worried about you. When I stood next to you, I could hear you having trouble breathing and I was scared for you. You’ve had trouble walking and getting around. You look a lot better and a lot healthier now.” I was partly in shock. I did not realize that was the image I had been portraying for so long. Now, I am just embarrassed about my weight. I’m embarrassed that I let myself go to such a level. I’m embarrassed to even discuss it. It’s almost as if I feel like I owe the world an apology for being so fat. I feel like saying to everyone, I’m sorry that I let myself go and became as fat as I did. Please forgive me. Please, for God’s sakes, love me now for the new me. Did I feel loved when I weighed 325 pounds? I knew that there were people out there who loved me, but no, I didn’t feel loved. Do I feel loved now? No, I don’t, but I do feel that I am capable of being loved, whereas I didn’t before. I think partly it was because I didn’t love myself, and now, very slowly, I am learning to love myself.

Nice to see so many new face's on LBT. I have the day off today so I was trying to catch up on the web site. It is nice to see some old friends and some new faces. I am Diane and I was banded on October of 2010. I have now lost 112 lbs and am 8 lbs from my ideal body weight, a healthy BMI and healthy percent body fat. My journey like all WLS patients has had it's ups and downs. I have had my share of plateaus and difficulties and I can not tell you how much this web site and the people on her who are now friends have helped me. I have been a silent stalker and finally an active participant. In the beginning I didn't feel I had much to share so I read, listened and tried to learn all I could about my body and lap band. lap band got me started on this journey but after the initial 50 lbs the work really starts, honestly having lap band is just a little insurance.(sorry if you did not realize this but it is true) It is like having an extra conscious, that says,"Now you know you have eaten enough and if you take one more bite I am going to make your throw up if you take one more bite" "See I told you" I still have days when my eyes are wanting way more than my tummy will hold, and my 3rd conscious (hubby) says, Di ya gotta lot of food on your plate, you know you can't eat all that. I hate it but he is right. I can not say enough about my family, friends, co-workers and cyber friends. With out all of their support I would never have made it. They have held me accountable and challenged me when I felt things were stalled. Hard work, dedication, goal setting and sticking to the program works. The old saying is so true, "You are what you eat!" I love eating healthy now, I feel so much better, I have so much more energy and I am off all of my asthma medications and blood pressure medications. I never thought that would happen! I love exercising and I love working out with a trainer. Yes it is hard work, yes it takes commitment and yes it is also expensive but I made the financial cuts in my daily life because my health is worth this, I deserve to be healthy. I am thin now, WOW, can't believe I said that but I do have to admit, I am thin. I wear size 4" and 6's, I have no boobs left, (but a really sexy bra from Victoria's Secret with some sexy panties) I do have a little loose skin on my upper thighs and tummy could be tighter. But hey my arms look awesome and with "Justin's" drilling in the gym I will tighten up the other areas in due time. Will I be perfect, "Hell to the No" but you know what for a 56 year old lady who used to weight 252 lbs and wear a size 24 I look pretty damn good. Soooo. lapbander's new and old my words of wisdom to you are: Love yourself, believe in yourself, never lose site of your goal. This is not a "DIET", this is a life time commitment to living a healthier life style. This is about beating the odds, this is about being accountable to yourself. We can lie to ever one else and say, yes I am following the rules when In our hearts we know we can give more. How bad do you really want this? How much are you willing to give? After all it is your life! I am giving this 100% plus, I am so worth all the hard work, dedication and commitment. Remember you are worth it also, give your self a break, forgive your self for what went wrong yesterday and move forward. If you dwell in the past you will never have a future. Hugs and Best Wishes to all my cyber friends, thank you for all your support and encouragement!

This is the secret recipe fom Chilli's! Description: "fajita-marinated chicken,cornrelsih, mixed cheese, cilantro, diced tomato and crispy tortilla strip. Garnished with a Chipotle-ranchdrizzleand cheese quesadilla wedges, served with citrus-balsamic dressing." start with 4 skinless Chicken Breast Fillets (Serving size 4 ) Fajita Marinade 2 1/2 cups of water 2 tablespoons of soy sauce 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar 2 teaspoons of salt 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon onion powder 1/2 teaspoon gound cayenne pepper 1/2 teaspoonground balck pepper 1/2 teaspoon Hicory flavored Liquid Smoke Corn Relish 1 cup frozen yellow corn kernals (thawed) 1/2 cup canned balck beans, drained & rinced 2 tablespoons minced green bell pepper 2 teaspoons of Cilantro 1 teaspoon lime juice 1/2 teaspoon granualated suger 1/4 teaspoon of salt 1/8 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper pinch of ground black pepper Chipotle-Ranch Drizzle 1/2 cup hidden Valley Ranch salad Dressing 1/8 reaspoon ground chipotle chile Citrus-Balsamic Vinaigrette 1 cup canola oil 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar 3 tablespoons granulated sugar 2 tablespoons grey poupon dijon mustard 2 tablespoons lemon juice 1teaspoon minced garlic 1teaspoon lime juice 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper Crispy Tortilla Strips 6 corn Tortillas 2 cups Canola Oil Cheese Quesadillas 8 7-inch flour tortillas 1 cup shredded chedder cheese 1 cup shredded Montery Jack cheese butter 8 cups chopped Ice burg lettuce (about 1 head) 8 cups chopped romain lettuce (1 head) 1/2 cup shredded chedder cheese 1/2 cup shredded Montery Jack cheese 1 cup diced tomatoes (aprox. 2 tomatoes) 4 teaspoons of minced cilantro 1. The Chicken will need to marinate for 2 hours. pound out the fat end of fillets with kitchen mallet/meat tenderizer, wisk marinade ingridents together in medium bowl and pour over chicken in zip-lock bag, Park them bad boys in fride for 2- 2 1/2 hrs. 2. while chicken is doing it's thing, time to start the Corn Relish,dressings and Tortila strips, To make Relish simply combine all ingredients into Medium bowl, cover and Chill. 3. Make the Chipotle-Ranch drizzle by combining ground chipotlepepper to hidden Valley ranch, LOW FAT is BEST! 4. Make the Citrus-Balsamic Vinaigrette by combiningall ingedients in blender/food processor on medium speed for 30 seconds or until thick, cover and chill. 5. Make the Crispy Tortilla Strips by slicing 6 corn tortillas into thin strips. heat oil into medium saucepanover medium heat until one strip dropped in oil bubblesand fries to crunchy golden brown (1 minute.) When oil is hot fry tortilla strips in batches until crispy, drain on paper towels. 6. when the chicken has marinated for few hrs, preheat BBQ gril on High, arrange chicken on plate and coat with little oil so they won't stick to grill, once grill is hot enough cook for 5 to 6 minuets per side , until done. 7. as chicken cooks make quesadillas by heating medium saut'e pan over med/low heat, Combine 1 cup of shredded chedder and 1 cup of montery jack , then spread 1/2 cup of cheese blend on top of flour tortilla, cover with 2nd tortilla melt butter in saut'e pan, and brown quesdilla for 1 minuteon each side or until light brown. repeat for other 3 tortillasand slice each into quarters with pizza wheel or knife. 8. build each salad by combining 2 cups of Iceburg & Romaine into large serving plate. sprinkle salad with 1/2 cup of crispy strips spoon 1/3 cup of corn relish on next, slice each grilld chicken breat into thin strips and arrange over corn relish, followed by 1/4 cup of diced tomatoe, 1 teaspoon of Cilantro, drillze Chipotle drizzle over salad and serve citrus-balsamic in small bowl on side. arrange 4 slices of Quesadilla around edge and serve. **** Makes 4 Large Salads **** Tidbit save time money and get blend of shredeed chedder/ montery jack or whatever blend you prefer.

I have jut been feeling blah lately and am eating everything under the sun. I should be having surgery no later than October and know that I need to get on the right track and start eating healthier. It' like my body knows that something is going to change soon so I am eating more than ever. Has anyone been through this and if so how did you stop it?

Is anyone experiencing large amounts of hair loss. I had my surgery on 2/1 and for 4 months I was fine but now my hair is coming out in clumps. I was told this may happen but it wasn't too common with people who had the sleeve done. It is more common when the bypass is done. If anyone has the same problem what are they doing for it and will it grow back. Please help, I am freaking out.

Day three post op, doing pretty well! Am up to 2 ounces in a go now. I apparently had a hiatal hernia, so I assume it's still a little swollen there, and I have to straighten my abdomen if I'm sitting in order for things to go down, and burps to get up. This is a weird feeling, having to MAKE myself drink something! I'm just not hungry (although a slice of toast does sound tasty. No, I will NOT cheat!). Slept well last night, took the dog on a short walk this morning. Much nicer than walking laps around the kitchen. Will be happy to eat again, but I am patient. One advantage of being 50 I suppose. Going to nominate my wife for sainthood; she's been TOTALLY supportive and helpful! Living the metamorphosis and loving it!

OMG! Tomorrow's the day. So excited, so nervous. I'm giddy. Wish me luck guys!

I've been a bit obsessed with this site. I've read so many blogs and other posting....I've even started writing my own blog. I think I need to step back because no one can rush time. Time will come in its own time. I have a challenging job, got vacation coming and then same week I return, I have surgery. I just want to bypass it all and go to surgery. I say that but I know or at least believe, I'm waiting the surgery but I think of the pain some people have had after surgery. I've been reading too much, processing and not processing it all. Another part of me thinks what if it doesn't work. Yes, I've been super positive about this but all it takes is a seed of negative thinking and it can truly grow into more. I think I am going to have to take a few days away from this site just to get my bearing. This site is a good thing for me but I am a bit too focused on it. I need to do other stuff. Maybe a brief break. I get up getting on the site, check my email for responses....get home and I am here. I am way past my bed time and I am here. I've never utilized anything to this magnitude. It is good but too much too fast for me. I have to go to bed and I will be back........probably in the morning, lol.