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I officially under 280. i stepped on the scale this morning and i was 278. Wow 72 pounds lost. if you count pre op weight 92 pounds. I have been doing a hundred pushups a day and i feel like that is very beneficial. love you guys

Headin to the hospital....nervous as hell! good luck to all you sleevers who are scheduled today! i will keep you all posted when i am out : )

I've read many blogs, entries on the site and really my story is yours. I wondered what was I going to write when it seem like repetitious in nature. Hmmmm, I thought, I alway stay silent because I think my voice is unworthy of being heard. I said to myself, I will write whatever I want. I never utilize support systems. I've always figured it out myself and held my own. It is part of the reason I have failed at weight loss. I literally have carried the weight of "my world" on my shoulders, thighs, stomach, jaw and everywhere. I told myself it is time to do something different. Writing this blog is my public voice through written words. I am always behind the scenes. I take pictures.....................of other people, as I stand behind the camera. I am in meetings, listening, silencing my voice. Anyway, a friend told me I should do a video diary of my weight loss. I was like, he must be crazy. Then I thought, I have to do the opposite. I started videotaping me yesterday. I was like "UGH" I look horrible. I was like, is this what people see when they see me? It is a reality check. I sucked it up and kept videotaping. It became a necessity as I will channel my discontentment into losing this weight when I get Sleeved. Let me tell you a little about me. First of all, 10 years ago I lost 100 pounds on my own. I worked out, juiced, made smoothies and ate pretty healthy. Four years later I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. I had major surgery,radiation treatment and then chemotherapy. Sometime after I finished my treatment I became depressed. My body was so different. I had problems I never had before....I still do. I gained weight. Eventually I had LapBand surgery. It helped me lose some weight but then it stopped working. I thought the problem was me. I changed health providers only to have same issue. I gained more weight. Well, in June 2012, fed up I went to surgeon's office to give LapBand another try. What I found out is that my band had a leak....it was defective. All the time I thought it was me and it was the darn band. So, I like many, went through the process of trying to get approved to have it removed. Last week I got approval to have band removed and to be sleeved. It is a month away and it cannot come soon enough. I have an 8 day cruise in between now and the surgery and I swear I don't want to go on cruise. I want to reschedule my surgery to earlier and use my vacation to recover. I am trying to be patient but I feel like I will finally get a turn to have weight loss. It has been hard to lose weight with depression, body aches and challenges I cannot bring myself to put on paper at this point as a result of bowel resection surgery. I feel I let myself go and this surgery offers me an opportunity to get my life back. I've always wanted to be fit, active and eating right but when your mind becomes your own enemy, the simpliest thing becomes most challenging. Everyday people don't get it. I used to try to help them understand but I've concluded most want to believe what they want to believe so I leave them right there in their ignorance. Another thing that pushes me to "do something" is I have moved up in my professional career. I write that still not believing I got a job like I do. I have a position that thrushes me into the spotlight of my employer. Everyone will know who I am and have to deal with me at some point at my employer. I do public speaking and it is forcing me out of my comfort zone. It is also allowing people to see me as I saw myself in that video....UGH. I am better than this. I've said many times that fat is not necessarily ugly. It is ugly when you don't wear it well, when you are not confident in your own skin, when you don't "rock" your fat.......................I am none of that. This blog begins my journey of getting to a new me. I know I will never be who I was, I don't want to be who I am but I want to be someone who is comfortable in her soon to be new skin. I've been through a lot (most I have self minimized) but I know good things are to come because I can confidently say I deserve it. My first ever blog..............................the journey begins.....my voice shall be heard.

So tomorrow I start my preop diet. I am scared this will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I am determined and I want and need this so bad. My surgery is in 2 weeks I am nervous but am ready to start a new life for my family and I. Here goes...............

Okay so my surgery is 8/7/12 and it cannot come to soon. the longer I am this big the worse I feel. I wake up and my ankles hurt my body is sore I'm so sick of feeling this way I am bigger than I've ever been which is why I decided to have the surgery. I kinda wish I could have decided sooner so I could be having it now. I know it's not that long but every day has become a chore for me. Keep in mind I have 4 kids ages 8,6,3,and 2 so it's not lie I can just sit around all day if I could I would be much bigger I'm sure. I know this sounds like a gripe session and I guess it is but I don't want to let my husband know how much my excess weight is affecting me and I just needed to vent I feel like somethings gonna happen to stop me from my surgery and I'm terrified. I guess I just want it so bad and sometimes I stress myself out like that. I just feel ill almost all the time now , headaches which I'm pretty sure are because sleeping is so uncomfortable now I wake up in pain. Gosh August can't come too soon. I try to remind myself that there is now a light at the tunnel. The clock is just ticking so slowly! I'll be alright just had to get it out ok now I will continue looking forward and know that it will soon be worth all this pain.

There is a comedian that talks about how even as an adult he laughs everytime he squirts out the shampoo and it makes a PPHHFFLLTT sound. Well, I guess I am like that. There are two things I have seen on here that just made me think like a 12 year old... 1. In a perfectly serious and nice forum post one user posted "It is official, I am in a stall." Then she went on to describe her frustration at her weight not moving at all for like 2 weeks. Definitely a stall and a very frustrating one. Nothing to laugh at....... Well, all I could think of when I first read the headline was that she was stuck in a public bathroom somewhere. I can just see me stuck in a bathroom - and being the goof that I am - I would text something like....It's official, I'm in a stall!. Sorta had to be there, but I thought it was funny 2. The one thing that really cracks me up... and I am dying - literally dying - to be able to use this on some unsuspecting person. In this very specific subject website we have our own vocabulary that no one else uses (foamies, sliming, etc.) And we all know what we mean because there is such a fine and narrow context built into all of our posts. However, we fling around the terms pre-op and post-op like we own them. We do not own them. There is another very narrowly defined group that uses these very same words. And they are not talking about having your stomach cut off. They are aiming lower -much lower. I hope I can just drop in a conversation somewhere that I am 2 months post-op with no additional information. Then just watch to see how people treat me. We all know that big people are treated different. But I can only imagine that if people thought I had just gone through surgery to change my "accessories." That would be hilarious. I couls also probably answer questions honestly. Did it hurt? no. How long were you in the hospital? not long. Do you feel different? oh yes!! Do people treat you differently? yes. Was your family supportive? Yes, especially my wife and kids - that ought to get a look. Then go for the total freak out. Do you want to see my incisions?

Last year this time I was just about to start my journey into the long list of Drs appointments, evaluations, testing, and finally waiting. I am so happy to say it is a year later and I am 80lbs lighter. My journey was not just for vanity reasons but it was a new beginning for me. As I began to regain control and focus on the root cause of my weight loss I had to really focus on what else in my life had I just let overrun me. I sometimes felt as if all of the air was being sucked out of the room and it had nothing to do with my weight. Well needless to say I have started to face the pink elephant in the middle of the room. It hasn't been easy but it has been real and as I lost the physical weight I began to look at what other dead weight I was carrying around for other people. My life is not easy, nor has this surgery been a piece of cake but if you ask me would I do it all over again. The answer is yes!!!!!!!!. I sometimes pass by windows and look at myself in disbelief or its really funny when I post pics of my new self on facebook and I get comments back like "When did you take that picture" or the best one is " How old were you when you took this". LOL!!!!! I encourage anyone that is contemplating the surgery. Do it for you and you will never regret it. P.S. My 18 year old daughter did it two months after me and she has lost a whopping 84lbs and you can't tell her nothing!!!!! For the first time in her life she is wearing clothing that concide with her age and she is so excited. I can hardly keep up with all the new guys who are interested in her... It is the best gift that I ever could have given her...

It seems like just yesterday I stumbled upon vertical sleeve talk and I became obsessed. I read all the blogs and looked at all the pics. Finally it was my time to have my surgery and it all became real. I thank those who prayed for me and those who emailed me to checkup on me. I am proud to say after five months that I am now 153lbs and I was 211lbs at the start of my journey. I know 211lbs may not seem like much but I am only 4"11 tall. The sleeve has transformed me from a size 18 to a size 10 and I feel great. Now I won't say it has all been peaches and ice cream cause that would be a lie. I have horrible heart burn after eating spicy food, I still can't drink alot at a time, and I wasn't prepared for the rapid diminishing of clothes in my closet that fit. I literally stood in my closet the other day and wanted to cry cause I couldn't find anything to wear to work. I didn't know if they were tears of joy or frustration. I can say one thing and that is I wouldn't change anything for the world. I often think when I was young I took my weight for granted and I treated my stomach like a trash can but now that i have been given a second chance, I think twice before I eat something. To all of those who are contemplating it Like Nike says "JUST DO IT"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 years ago I found myself 24 years old, 322 pounds, and minserable! I decided to have the lap band surgery with the help and support of my family. I successfully lost 90 pounds and my GERD, but couldnt keep up with the frequent and expensive band fills and eventually gained back 25 pounds and the GERD returned. I became demotivated and couldnt stick to a diet long enough to make much progress. Then, last year by eldest brother had the sleeve gastrectomy and went from being 280 pounds and unhappy, to an active marathon runner and happier than I can ever remember seeing him. Not to mention how handsome he looks! Needless to say, that inspired me to do my homeowork on revision surgery and reach out to my "family bariatric surgeon" Dr. James A Davidson (he complete my mother, father, brother and my surgeries). I was concerned that after my emergency gall bladder surgery 3 weeks ago that I would have to push back my surgery due to the weight loss as a side effect of the gall bladder illness. I started a protein shake diet to boost my health and it worked, Dr Davidson approved my bloodwork results and I had surgery on January 13th! The surgery was slightly longer and a bit more invasive since he had to first remove the lap band equipment, so it feels more painful than I remembered. On the bright side, the staff at Forest Park Hospital (Dallas, TX) were very compassionate and informative and the hospital itself is beautiful. I left feeling prepared to handle any issues that might arise and very optimistic. Its only 3 days post-op and I am feeling better everyday! I cannot wait to see my progess in a few weeks, months and especially in a year. I am also starting to put together an action plan. I want to participate in a marathon, learn to scuba dive, buy a bicycle and join a gym! All the things that I was either too embarrassed by my size or just too overweight to do!