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A disclaimer to this blog. It does contain one swear word in a conversation between this mother and her son. Before you get all judgmental, let me explain. We are a family that laughs.....at ourselves and each other. Sometimes, to make the conversation absolutely hilarious, we will take on a different accent and different character. This is what occurred. Having said that..........on with the story!! Yesterday, Sunday....5 days post op. My daughters drove from their apartment in downtown Houston the 30 treacherous minutes out to our home in the suburbs to "visit the sick" (referring to me). My daughters are fantastic people; busy, young college students with lives of their own. How sweet they would tackle the old southern tradition of "sitting with the sick" on Sunday afternoon. Right!! What the real deal was......we, as a family.....are addicted to HBO's True Blood and it comes on every Sunday night @ 8pm (No, I did not get paid for that plug). One of the sisters had taken her share of the cable bill money and had a fine time with a friend in Disney World....so....their cable was off. That was only part of their reason for visiting. The other part was they were hungry and they know I will always feed them when they are home. So secure in their knowledge that momma would feed them and we would watch our program together, they do what all good Sunday afternoon visitors do.....took a 3 hour nap! Well, after the sleeping beauties awakened, my 17 year old son was downstairs giving them a hard time. He asks, in a gruff tough voice "what are ya'll doing here? You HAVE an apartment1" The sweetie sisters answered in their most precious voices "We came to see how momma was." My son's reply, in a voice that would strike terror in any faint heart "It ain't like she's sick or anything. She just had surgery, that's all." At that point, I butted into the conversation. Now, let me set the stage. I am a girl, born and bred in the deep south of Alabama who was transplanted to Texas 4 years ago. My accent is as much a part of who I am as the red hair my stylist touches up every 4 weeks at the salon..........only I was born and will most likely die with the accent. So, butting into the conversation, with my interpretation of a New Jersey housewife accent, I say "I am too sick......I have a disease 70% (don't know the actual statistic, this just seemed good off the top of my head) of Americans suffer with. It's called Obesity,... you bastard!" The girls, my son, and myself just fell apart after that with laughter! Oh my word, it was the funniest thing. He didn't have another word to say and neither did they. We laughed for a solid 5 minutes. And they laughed even more, because with all that belly busting laughter, I moved a few more gas bubbles and accentuated the laughter with burps and "poots". Laughter is the best thing we can do for ourselves and those we love. Laughter is as good for the body as "GasX", and a whole lot more fun. So, "Send in the Clowns" cause "what don't kill me only make me stronger"!!!! Good grief, with that motto, I should be a beast............soon to be in a much smaller package......with ridiculous high heels!!!!!!!

Just a short note. Who knows when I'll get back to this. I've gained weight since my DH's death. I won't blame anyone else but myself. I had a long talk with my therapist and we finally hit upon the catchphrase that seems to define how I'll lose all this weight-- I CHOOSE. I'm a control freak whose life spiraled out of control the day my poor Randy died. Since then, I've made decisions where I felt there was no other option. For over a year, I had to decide based on bad vs good, not which one suited me. Finally, my therapist (Dr Marty Groble, for those in the Jacksonville area) pointed out that what went into my mouth was one of the few things I had a direct choice in making. Well, my Band-Buds, it was an epiphany. There was my point of control, and I've been reveling in it for a couple of weeks. I've lost five pounds because I can look at the chocolate vs the peach and say "I choose the peach because I choose health." I have chosen to start walking again when possible. I've chosen to begin quilting again rather than sit on my butt playing mindless computer games. I've made so many choices, I'm smiling again. Even the house I had to move into when Randy's death forced me into foreclosure is no longer a point of resentment and negativity. I've chosen to make it work rather than move to something less congenial if prettier. Sure, this is a 2-bedroom house 30 miles from my job. It's in a gorgeous neighborhood with a park, as familiar and comfortable as my favorite pair of blue jeans, and it's cheap. I can have my pets here. An apartment close to my work would cost $200 more a month and we'd have to get rid of our pets. "We??" you ask? Yep, we. That gent who gave me the pearl ring? I chose not to marry him, but we're a happy pair of roommates. I chose him, too. Lena

Its been 4 months, 2 weeks, and 1 day since my surgery and I feel great. I finally got the hang of this sleeve thing. I don't feel bad any more about not being able to eat what everyone else is eating. I am a size 4 and a S to XS shirt. I have had to buy all new clothes for the 5th time but I don't care because I really enjoy it. I still gravitate to the women sizes and I get these weird looks from the ladies there but then I find my way back to the correct area. I am really happy. I haven't been this happy about my looks since...well..ever.

The camera starts when he starts freeing the stomach from the fatty tissue, and continues filming all the way through to them blowing up my stomach with air to check for leaks. It's 26 minutes long from start to finish--that fast! I had such a curiosity to see what my insides look like! I'm glad I got to see it! My liver is really a gorgeous shade of mauve, and my fat is orange, and my stomach is red/grey, and the film over my diaphram is silvery. I thought pretty much everything inside was pink or red. Anyway, after he freed the stomach, he cut off one lobe of it using some kind of a sonic cutter, then the bougie (the guide for my new stomach shape) came down my esophagus and he started cutting/cauterizing/stapling my stomach as he went from the bottom of my stomach to the top, getting tighter and tighter as he worked upward. This is to create a lot of restriction to help me to eat less, and to help food get funneled downward. My surgeon said my surgery was pretty routine, with the exception of perhaps a little more bleeding than is usual (which was pretty easy to get under control). Oh, except one funny thing, when he got close to the top of the stomach nearest my diaphram I got the WORST case of chain hickups I've ever seen! It's all on video! There's so many motions that go on inside--I saw the peristalsis of my intestine, I saw my heartbeat in the vibration of the walls of my abdomen, and I saw hickups from the inside! How weird is that? If anyone is interested in seeing the video to see what happens, just send me a message! It's kind of a big file, so maybe I can get it up on Youtube 'cause its too big to send in email.

Ok, I was sleeved Wednesday June 20th. IF I could have found Marty and Doc on June the 21st, I would have figured out how to power the 1.21 jigawatts the flux capacitor needed and would have time traveled back 48 hours and RAN LIKE HELL (as much as a fat chick can) in my UGLY shoes AWAY from the hospital. As it was, I didn't find them and here I am................so very glad I couldn't. Back to Wednesday..... My surgery was scheduled for 12, so I was my usual self until the surgeon's office called saying I'd neglected to make my final payment arrangements........so we rushed out the door to pay the surgeon and on to the hospital. Hey, surgeons don't work for free. They got mouths to feed and I asked him to do this to me. I just forgot about final payments, that's all. It's all good. So, I get to the hospital, anticipating a 2 hour wait when I get the call from the OR nurse......as we are parking, saying they are ahead of schedule today and let's do this. I'm high on emotion.....I STRUT my 255 pound self into pre-op (dressed in jeans and leopard print top with marvelous brown/gold flip flops), complete with little twirlie at the end and say "I'm here, let's get this thing on!"........ 5 hours later....... I have a NEW, EXCITED, EXUBERANT nurse ( I am a RN 25 years in practice) in my face telling me I have to get up and walk - (and she's calling me dear and sweetie. Those who know me realize I am dear to only those who love me and I am never ever described as sweet). I'm trying to figure out where I am and this very excited, young, so-happy-to-be-here chickie won't get outta my face!!!! Then, the radiology transport person arrives telling me I've got to get up, into a wheelchair, go to radiology to have an contrast upper GI to be sure the sleeve isn't leaking. I finally figured out I was in a room.....a very small room with no sofa. I say "No" and youngster tells me "You HAVE to!!" I was saying no to this impossibly small room with no sofa.......not her fault......she couldn't read my drug deluded mind. So, Miss Energetic is in my face telling me to get up, the radiology transport looks confused and I say..........to Miss Thing......"You have got to STOP TALKING to me and get outta my way. HE'S here (indicating the hubby)" Once she got the point to shut up.........I was up.......in the chair.......to radiology.......swallowed 1 swallow of the contrast, got a good picture.........the ALL IS CLEAR.......and back to my room. The night shift nurse was awesome!! A grown up nurse. Thank GOD. I did get up.......all thru the night walking because this isn't my first rodeo. I've had a C-section and a total vaginal hysterectomy. The key to overcoming any surgery is walking.....soon and often. If you have to have pain medication to do it, fine ask for it and as soon as the pain is at a point you can stand and shuffle your feet.........get to shuffling........and shuffle I did - 4 times on night shift........humming to myself "every day I'm shufflin, shufflin" Later on in the shift, I asked if CUTIE PIE was back in the AM because I was requesting another nurse. The old wise one just chuckled and said......."I'd already figured that out and it is handled. You wont' have to work with her." I was so grateful!!!! So, the only other thing that stunk was.......I was unable to urinate post surgery. It happens sometimes. The body and mind wake up from the anesthesia and the bladder is still sleeping.......thankfully, I don't wet the bed in my sleep.......but this was to the extreme. So, my urethra became a 4 lane highway with all the frequent catheterizations to drain my sleepy, lazy bladder. Finally, about 48 hours post procedure, the bladder woke up and I got to come home!!!! What if my bladder had stayed on vacation? Well, the doctors's plan was I'd just learn to self-cath and head on home until it woke up. One doctor, a urologist friend of mine, laughingly said....."it's like putting a tampoon in, the first hole south of the pole." Well the last time I put a tampoon in, my guts had not just been re-configured!!!! I haven't had a hard time with nausea.....and I've figured out that painful, cramping twisting motion in my gut means I'm hungry and should eat. I've developed a love for chicken broth and apple sauce. I had yogurt this morning. I've also figured out, gotta eat very slow. 2 teaspoons, pain, means stop and come back in about 5 minutes. I'm mixing UnJury Protein in my Crystal Light to get the protein needs met and sipping, sipping......all the time. Today, 5 days out........I am happy I didn't go "Back In Time"......think I've spent enough time there as it is.

Well Im 7 months out, and this whole month I have lost maybe 2-3 pounds but I keep on losing the three it and gaining it back, I have no idea whats going on! I have had my slip-ups with eating, but for the most part I eat good. I still struggle to get in all the water I need to, Im not sure if that has something to do with it or not? I havent been tracking my food intake religiously, but from now on I will be. My calorie goals will be 700 calories a day, as low carb as I can be, and at least 80 grams of protein a day. I know when you get further out you lose slower, but no way I should be losing this slow, I still have about 80 something pounds I need to lose. I just hope that this week I will see a loss after tracking everything.

Everyone deserves a second/third/fourth+ chance to make the band successful. Having the surgery is not the cure everyone hopes it to be. I am certainly seeing the benefit to the band, I eat less, I cant ( usually) down a full meal when going out etc. My worst enemy is liquids. When I am having a bad food day, I will go for smoothies and sometimes drink sweet tea:-( I realize that I need to change my ways again and go search deep inside to figure out what the block is. It seems my block is resistance to change. I am afraid how I will react when I lose the weight. I have been overweight all my life, so thinking of being thin like everyone else, I worry how I will react. What spurred this? quite possible the cruise weight that came on in November that I can't seem to lose. The stress of having my inlaws visiting for 5 weeks ( my FIL is slowly losing his memory) my son graduating, my daughter turning 16, issues with the hubby, friends losing marriages, heck losing friends. I have started therapy to deal with all of this in a healthy way. I need to realize that what other people do ( mainly mistakes) do not define ME as a person. I have one the best I can and need to move past the self hate which means I go to my comforts ( food). I am back in physical therapy and have rejoined the YMCA to get back in the water. High impact exercise causes too many issues at this weight, so I need to rething and recreate a plan just for me. I am hopeful that some of you may be dealing with the same issues I am. I can help with the newly banded issues, but I am coming back to deal with the what now issues. ME

Today was a pretty good day. I made my turkey chili and it wasn't bad at all. I was pretty scared of it cuz...well....ground turkey sure isn't ground beef, but it turned out okay. Incredients: ground turkey, black beans, onion, minced garlic, tomato, chile powder, one of those chile seasoning mixes (I forget the brand), bell peppers, corn, salt, pepper, oregano, and hot sauce. It was pretty good! It was really heavy too, so I decided to get a little work out in after. Didn't feel like going to the gym so I just hopped on the kinect and played my Zumba Fitness demo and man oh man, do I really need to work on my merengue pump...lol! After, I decided to have a quick snack and grabbed a yogurt. Just for fun, I checked out the back of the label after the fact, and I had no idea how much sugar/carbs was in that little cup of yoplait (strawberry something or other). Needless to say, I'll be back to no snacking. We're all entitled to a little slip, so I'm not concerned. It's fight night - time to watch Ortiz v Lopez!

well, last few weeks have been rough i had a death in the family and without knowing it i slipped back into old habits, i ate what i wanted i dident care and i dident excersize, when i stepped on the scale, i physically felt sick, how could i let my emotions take me over and ruin all the great progress ive had. Apparently thats something i need to work on i was only 9 pounds away from wonderland almost 4 weeks ago, i gained almost 5 pounds, now that i have worked those off, and am back on track 7 more pounds to go then onderland is mine. i started at 320 pounds down to 207 my bmi was over 54 down to 33 i was wearing a size 24 now size 14 i would never go out in public without a sweater, something had to cover my arms, last week wore a tshirt out for the first time As hard as it is to stay positive sometimes, i know it is all worth it in the end, i just dont want last months failure to repeat itsself.

I write this with a full sleeve--I think I might have overdone it on the yogurt a little! The first ten days of my new life have been pretty busy! I haven't had the ability to really stop and take time to rest since I got home from the hospital. There's a lot of sickness in the family these days and my mother in law depends on me to take care of things for her! I'm going to go to sleep soon--today was SO busy! But first-- I got the opportunity to talk to five ladies today at the surgeon's office, and gave them a presentation about the experience of having surgery. It was great to see the relief on their faces when they realized that I'm only 10 days post-op, and I'm doing so well! There was a lot of hope in that room--and I know those ladies will be successful! It makes me feel good that I can help them the way a kind lady helped me by showing me her scars. Oh, and the surgeon gave me a DVD of my surgery--yes, we're just geeky like that. My liver was much prettier than I imagined! I spoke to the ladies about how odd it was that not only am I not hungry, but I'm beginning to appreciate food in the abstract (pizza steaming on a tray in a commercial is yum!) rather than in the concrete (the thought of pizza on my plate, even a tiny piece, is not really that appetizing). I like the idea of pizza, but the idea of chewing and swallowing it and processing it through my sleeve doesn't appeal at all! The same goes for soda, french fries, etc. It's like a miracle, I tell you! You have to learn to listen to the sleeve's cues. For me, that hasn't been difficult. I know about two spoonfulls before I'm full, I can feel it. There is a two tablespoon difference between stuffed and uncomfortable and satisfied. Before, I could eat plate after plate of food (not that I often did, of course, but I was physically capable of it). Now, I have to FORCE myself to eat, especially the first meal of the day. Anything more than 8 tablespoons at a time and I'm physically uncomfortable--lots of swallowing, light cramping in my upper abdomen. For the first time in my life, my body is telling me when to stop! Do some people have this sensation naturally built in to their stomachs? Maybe some of us need to have it surgically constructed, while others are born with it.