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So I've hit the 6 week mark on the diet and here I am not following through on my own plans. I've lost a bit of weight but for whatever reason, this weekend I've gone off the rails again. This is always where it happens. The weight stalls and I get sick of looking at my body fiddling around w/ the same 3 pounds for a few weeks. Skipped lunch. Didn't wait for dinner had a cup of oberweiss chocolate milk (its a regional thing, they come in the old glass bottles, hormone free, all the good stuff....) and ate half a pb&j (i made strawberry jam this weekend). I know I'm being ridiculous. I think this is the part where I once again realize I need this surgery to stop being famished. I also need to get myself back on track. ok...i think it's safe to turn off my vent now.

This is officially my first blog. I don't really know what to say, so I'll just recap my journey so far. I had my surgery May 4,2011. Since then, I have lost 100 pounds, dropped from size 28/ 30 to a size 16/18 in most things, I can wear L and XL t-shirts instead of XXXL and XXXXL t-shirts. I still have a long way to go in my journey, but everyday is new and exciting. Now that I've lost a substantial amount of weight, I'm ready to step up my exercise game. I recently started working with a running coach. I have had 2 runs (well, honestly more of a walk/jog/crawl than an actual run) and I have my 3rd tomorrow. The first time I ran this past Tuesday, I almost cried because for a split second I thought I could almost fly. It felt soooo amazing. Of course, the soreness took over for the next two days and I kinda wanted to die , but all in all, I'm feeling so much more energetic and ready to take on more and more. I'm so happy with my decision up to this point, and even with a minor set back a few weeks ago of having to have a revision done due to a flipped port, I am back on track. I hope to lose another 100 pounds when this is all said and done, but I'm in no rush to get there. I am so happy where I am, and where I am is a place I thought a year ago that I could never be again (if that makes sense), so it's all good. I'm just going to keep on taking this one day at a time, enjoying life to the fullest, and enjoying each non scale victory as it comes my way.

Here I am, one week before the big day. I go in for my pre-op appointment today and will start my liquid diet tomorrow. Tonight I am going to clean out the pantry and the fridge, take my measurements, take my private official before pictures, have sushi for dinner, and make a video of myself hoop dancing. I want to have a record of things as they are right now. I want to see my growth, and know that all the reasons I decided to do this were sound. I also in the next week or so, plan on writing two letters to myself. I will give them to my boyfriend. One of them is a letter that I will write about how horrible I feel most of the time, and remind myself of the consequences of not doing the surgery. He is to give that letter to me when/if I am struggling post-op and question what I have done. The other letter, is one I will read 6 months from now, when things will be easier, it will be a reminder of how I feel right now, and a reminder to stay the course, and not ever fall back to old habits. I pulled out a tank top I bought years ago that was supposed to be a goal top a few years back. I paired it with the jeans I just purchased in my goal size. I had a dream about 2 months ago, and I was wearing this outfit. I was on a road trip with my boyfriend, and I was skinny! And I was health, and so very happy and full of joy. In my dream, I felt that joy. I decided that this outfit would hang on my wall as my motivation. I am so full of motivation right now, and can't wait to be active again. To feel full of energy when I am. I hoop dance, and can't wait to hoop with my new body. I want to take kickboxing classes, do yoga, and eventually, I hope to take classes to learn lyra and silks. Yes, I want to hang from the ceiling from a giant hoop and some fabric. I want to be lean and strong. I am so excited that the PCOS that has kept me from these things, I will have a tool that will allow me to control it. That I might finally see results from all my fighting is mind blowing. It makes me want to cry from happiness. I'm not afraid of having to work hard after surgery. I welcome it. Finally seeing results from my hard work,... I can't even explain how this makes me feel. I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of being paranoid about my blood pressure, pre-diabetes, and being told that having a child would be dangerous for me in my current health. I'm tired of being 35 but dressing like I'm 65. I'm tired of struggling to feel like I fit in anywhere. I remember one time going shopping with my sister-in-law and a friend, and we went into this shop in the mall, and the largest size they carried was several too small for me to fit in. They were laughing having fun and trying on clothes, and instead I just felt ashamed of myself, and picked out things for them to wear. I'd never felt so much shame before, and this was before my PCOS diagnoses, but it still burns to think about. I'm tired of being uncomfortable in my own body. Well, this isn't my body anymore. This is some other person. She isn't going to exist soon. I'm going to tell her good-bye. Its my turn to live. :wub:

Well I had my surgery in Jan 1999 and now it is June 2012. I lost 102 pounds at my max and I have had lots of issues I did regain as much as 30+ pounds so I have been working on losing that extra weight. A lil reflection if I had it to do over again I would do a few things differently 1) I would not have waited until I was 299.5 pounds to do the surgery 2) I would have had the sleeve as my Doc suggested but I like a challenge lol I am currently 234.4 pounds as of this mornings weigh in last summer I got down to 219. Life has just been busy and I have been eating. I had some fill issues so I am slowly building back up and my goal is to lose 40 pounds by the end of the year! I will check back!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, he'll sleeve me tomorrow.....it's only a day away!!! Yes, I love music.....and shoes. Funny how those 2 things seem to be the back drop of my life and memories. But for tomorrow, I am as ready as I'll be. My mother asked yesterday if I was afraid, if I was prepared. My answer was, " I don't have time to be afraid or prepare. Are you kidding me?" And that is so true. Between work (I really do love my job), my 4 kids, and 1 very pregnant daughter in law.....I am a busy girl. I laughingly told my mom "I'm really kinda looking forward to the 24-48 hours of peace and quiet!"......she just sighed. My sister calls today (she is the youngest). She is excited for me to have the WLS so she can see how much trouble it is. Honestly, why am I the guinea pig? I'm the oldest, that's why. She's obese too and knows something has gotta give.......she's just hoping that something won't be her knee! Weight, really is a ghost......haunts every aspect of your life. My kiddos are pretty pumped. The father's day card I gave their father depicted a man dressed in tails with a shapely woman in a red dress on his arm (wearing great, black, high high heels). They all laughed and said,"Dad, that'll be you and mom next year!' I laughed too cause I was thinking the same thing!! I don't have any wisdom, poignant thought at this point. I'm too busy day dreaming about really great heels.................

Doing good. Still in the 190's but life is GRAND! So far this year I have traveled to New Orleans and Phoenix. I enjoyed myself on both trips. I am a SLOW loser but that's okay with me. I noticed today that XL dress I got from the Limited back in March that I had to wear spanx with, I didn't need the spanx today. I actually look forward to walking and/or working out. I try to get in a least 5 miles of walking per day. Some days I fall short and some days I exceed that amount. I love God, life and my sleeve!

This is actually the first day that I've been aprehensive and scared about having the surgery. It's strange but there it is. I asked myself if I wanted to call it off. My answer to myself from my heart was that I won't live my life without. Honestly, I feel like all of this fat is burying me. I don't want to live my life in bed and that seems to be where I'm headed if I don't have the surgery. I know I'm going to have physical pain. I know that my emotions are probably going to see saw. I know that the alternative to the surgery is much worse than the pain. I expect the pain to be gone in a few weeks. I place myself in my Lord's hands; I know that the surgery is the right choice and it's just the prospect of pain that frightens me. I know that I'm not going to walk this path alone. I am thankful for God's grace. Robin a friend sent me this prayer. Saying it gives me such a sense of peace. I'd like to share it: Father, we come in the name of our Savior Jesus the Christ, first of all to thank you for this beautiful day that you have made that we will rejoice and be glad in. Thank you for being an all powerful, ever present, all knowing God who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can think or ask. Thank you also for being a God who heals and delivers. Father we ask that right now you would touch my body with your healing hands and that your healing power would be at work before during and after my surgery. We ask that you would begin to prepare my body for the upcoming surgery even now. Father, we ask that you would give me your peace, your calm, your comfort, and your assurance. We ask that you would even now begin to regulate my bodily functions so that all will be well and in working order during the procedure. We ask that you begin to prepare the surgeons, nurses, anesthesiologists, and every medical professional who will contribute to her care on Monday. Give them clarity of thought. Please bring all of the necessary medical knowledge to their remembrance so that they will know exactly what to do during my procedure. Please let my recovery be a smooth and uncomplicated one. May I be back on myfeet in no time and be ready to continue taking on the world and honoring you with my life. God, we thank you that you are a faithful God who hears and answers prayers and we’re believing for all the best for Monday. We love you and we honor you. In Jesus’ name we pray and thank you. Amen.

I have always been very "normal" when it comes to going number 2. Ok, stop laughing. Yes, I am going to talk about bowel movements. I have always said I would be honest and open and this is something EVERYONE does. There is no need to be ashamed or shocked. If you feel uncomfortable reading about this, move on to another blog. I won't take it personal. Ok, now that I've told everyone what's coming down the pipe (pun intended) we should all be ready for an open and frank discussion about poop. It's something that everyone does and after surgery, I have found that I do it much less than before. I used to go once or even twice a day. There were times where after a good poop (you know the kind I am talking about....the ones where when you're done you feel like you've lost five to ten pounds) I would feel lighter and have a little more energy. Now, I barely go. Then, to top it off, it's never easy. I can't just get the feeling and go sit on the toilet for five or ten minutes. Nope, I get the feeling and end up spending a half an hour in there listening to "plop, plop,plop." It's never a nice S shape poop that you hear Dr. Oz always talk about. It's more like there is a very large rabbit in my colon. And, I have the poop to prove it. Well, I don't have it sitting next to me in a bowl or anything. That would just be gross. I just mean that when I do poop it comes out in small little nuggets. I have tried everything. I have added fiber to my drinks, taken stool softeners, and even laxatives. The only change is that the little things come out a little easier. Now, the reason I am writing about this is to see if anyone else is having this issue and if so how are you dealing with it. Also, is this normal and does it get better over time. I will be honest, I don't think I can live with a rabbit in my colon for the rest of my life....I don't care how thin I am. Wait, I take that back. I used to say I would do anything to be thin....I guess little nugget poop is my "anything".

It's been two months and four days since I had my WLS and I have to admit, I didn't know how much I had changed physically until today. Don't get me wrong, I knew my clothes were bigger or didn't fit at all. I knew I felt better in a bathing suit than I have in years but I am at that point, that I don't see any major changes. Now, my husband keeps telling me that I am one the "rare" people who have lost my weight evenly throughout my body. I guess he's right, becasue it wasn't until we look my two month photos that I saw a huge difference. Since surgery I have lost fifty five pounds. I have lost eighty five from my highest weight (which I do not have a photo of) WARNING: These are not pin up photos. They show FAT....lots of it. They show folds and stretch marks and all the things as overweight people we have tried to hidden most of or lives. They show parts of my body that no one besides my husband has ever seen this big. This is very hard fro me to do, but I figured that people need to see that changes do happen after surgery even when we don't feel like they are happening. Also, I always promised to keep my posts honest and real and I figured this is the most honest and real I could be. Before Surgery First Month Second Month Before Surgery First Month Second Month

Inches Lost! Huzzah! From 4/23/12 Waist: 5.5" Under Breasts: 4" Neck: 0.75" Forearms: 0.75" Upper arms: 1.25" (stupid bat wings!) Upper thighs: 3" (woot! Thunder thighs are being defeated!) Calf: 1.5" Wow. Looking back on that it's amazing! I'm glad that I've kept a journal of my measurements because my body has really, really hated getting out of the 230's. It keeps flirting with 229 before mischeviously gaining another pound then losing it, then gaining...my fat cells have a nasty sense of humor! Yet looking back on this really shows me how far I've come in a little less than 2 months. I mean, seriously, I started out at 280 and now I'm at 231ish. Not bad, says I! Father's Day kicked my rapidly diminishing butt today! Granted the bakery isn't as busy as it is on Mother's Day but in my (stupidity) I made this cake that looked like a grill with hamburgers and hotdogs on it and everybody and their sister wanted one for today! It's not that they're difficult to make, but that they're time consuming. Also, the Powers That Be (managers) decided that today would be a great day for there to be only one decorator. Which is total and complete crap. I seriously made 30 cakes today and people were buying them out of my hands. Ah well. So as my weight loss has slowed to a crawl I've decided I need to step up my A Game. If my name was Stella I would definitely have to be getting my grove back! Yeah, ya'll heard it here first, ladies and gents, but Lyra is going baaaaaaaaack to Zumba. Hopefully my hips will be able to better shake my thang than they were almost 50 pounds ago. Okay, another thing, I really really need a boyfriend. I'm about to molest a customer with how haywire my hormones are. I can picture it now....the innocent (and sexy) unaware male customer coming in to buy a cupcake....he stops and his head goes up as he looks around, sensing danger on the savannah....the wildly beautiful and slinky lioness (moi!) slowly tracks her prey that she plans to cull from the herd for nefarious purpases....she crouches...LEAPS...and pulls Mr Sexy down behind the Eclair case to have her way with him....aaaand black censor boxes go up as this is a PG rated crowd....*shakes herself* Okay, yeah, maybe I shouldn't be daydreaming while writing on the VSG website.... Growl. *grin*