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This is officially my first blog. I don't really know what to say, so I'll just recap my journey so far. I had my surgery May 4,2011. Since then, I have lost 100 pounds, dropped from size 28/ 30 to a size 16/18 in most things, I can wear L and XL t-shirts instead of XXXL and XXXXL t-shirts. I still have a long way to go in my journey, but everyday is new and exciting. Now that I've lost a substantial amount of weight, I'm ready to step up my exercise game. I recently started working with a running coach. I have had 2 runs (well, honestly more of a walk/jog/crawl than an actual run) and I have my 3rd tomorrow. The first time I ran this past Tuesday, I almost cried because for a split second I thought I could almost fly. It felt soooo amazing. Of course, the soreness took over for the next two days and I kinda wanted to die , but all in all, I'm feeling so much more energetic and ready to take on more and more. I'm so happy with my decision up to this point, and even with a minor set back a few weeks ago of having to have a revision done due to a flipped port, I am back on track. I hope to lose another 100 pounds when this is all said and done, but I'm in no rush to get there. I am so happy where I am, and where I am is a place I thought a year ago that I could never be again (if that makes sense), so it's all good. I'm just going to keep on taking this one day at a time, enjoying life to the fullest, and enjoying each non scale victory as it comes my way.

Here I am, one week before the big day. I go in for my pre-op appointment today and will start my liquid diet tomorrow. Tonight I am going to clean out the pantry and the fridge, take my measurements, take my private official before pictures, have sushi for dinner, and make a video of myself hoop dancing. I want to have a record of things as they are right now. I want to see my growth, and know that all the reasons I decided to do this were sound. I also in the next week or so, plan on writing two letters to myself. I will give them to my boyfriend. One of them is a letter that I will write about how horrible I feel most of the time, and remind myself of the consequences of not doing the surgery. He is to give that letter to me when/if I am struggling post-op and question what I have done. The other letter, is one I will read 6 months from now, when things will be easier, it will be a reminder of how I feel right now, and a reminder to stay the course, and not ever fall back to old habits. I pulled out a tank top I bought years ago that was supposed to be a goal top a few years back. I paired it with the jeans I just purchased in my goal size. I had a dream about 2 months ago, and I was wearing this outfit. I was on a road trip with my boyfriend, and I was skinny! And I was health, and so very happy and full of joy. In my dream, I felt that joy. I decided that this outfit would hang on my wall as my motivation. I am so full of motivation right now, and can't wait to be active again. To feel full of energy when I am. I hoop dance, and can't wait to hoop with my new body. I want to take kickboxing classes, do yoga, and eventually, I hope to take classes to learn lyra and silks. Yes, I want to hang from the ceiling from a giant hoop and some fabric. I want to be lean and strong. I am so excited that the PCOS that has kept me from these things, I will have a tool that will allow me to control it. That I might finally see results from all my fighting is mind blowing. It makes me want to cry from happiness. I'm not afraid of having to work hard after surgery. I welcome it. Finally seeing results from my hard work,... I can't even explain how this makes me feel. I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of being paranoid about my blood pressure, pre-diabetes, and being told that having a child would be dangerous for me in my current health. I'm tired of being 35 but dressing like I'm 65. I'm tired of struggling to feel like I fit in anywhere. I remember one time going shopping with my sister-in-law and a friend, and we went into this shop in the mall, and the largest size they carried was several too small for me to fit in. They were laughing having fun and trying on clothes, and instead I just felt ashamed of myself, and picked out things for them to wear. I'd never felt so much shame before, and this was before my PCOS diagnoses, but it still burns to think about. I'm tired of being uncomfortable in my own body. Well, this isn't my body anymore. This is some other person. She isn't going to exist soon. I'm going to tell her good-bye. Its my turn to live. :wub:

Tomorrow, tomorrow, he'll sleeve me tomorrow.....it's only a day away!!! Yes, I love music.....and shoes. Funny how those 2 things seem to be the back drop of my life and memories. But for tomorrow, I am as ready as I'll be. My mother asked yesterday if I was afraid, if I was prepared. My answer was, " I don't have time to be afraid or prepare. Are you kidding me?" And that is so true. Between work (I really do love my job), my 4 kids, and 1 very pregnant daughter in law.....I am a busy girl. I laughingly told my mom "I'm really kinda looking forward to the 24-48 hours of peace and quiet!"......she just sighed. My sister calls today (she is the youngest). She is excited for me to have the WLS so she can see how much trouble it is. Honestly, why am I the guinea pig? I'm the oldest, that's why. She's obese too and knows something has gotta give.......she's just hoping that something won't be her knee! Weight, really is a ghost......haunts every aspect of your life. My kiddos are pretty pumped. The father's day card I gave their father depicted a man dressed in tails with a shapely woman in a red dress on his arm (wearing great, black, high high heels). They all laughed and said,"Dad, that'll be you and mom next year!' I laughed too cause I was thinking the same thing!! I don't have any wisdom, poignant thought at this point. I'm too busy day dreaming about really great heels.................

Lisa, You DO NOT SUCK! If dieting was easy, none of us would have to have this surgery in the first place! I know that whenever I even thought about going on a diet I ended up gaining weight because I ate more of the bad stuff, thinking I would be deprived. So do not beat yourself up...just plan to embrace your new life, free of hunger with the sleeve. This is a tool that will allow you to more easily make the right choices. This week of pre-op is time to get real though. You need to do your liquid diet faithfully without cheating. Find a protein shake you really love. If you are a chocolate drinker, my whole family likes chocolate flavored Nitro Peak that you can pick up at Vitamin World. For me, it helped to remind myself that this was just ONE WEEK and I was doing it for a healthy, safe surgery. You might experience some dizziness, headache and loss of energy for the first few days as you come off the carbs and sugar. Don't panic, just drink lots of water and stay the course. Once that stuff is out of your system, you will no longer crave it, which is such a blessing! That does not mean you will not want it though, so just keep reminding yourself about the reason you are doing this, to prepare for your surgery. YOU CAN DO IT! I will keep you in my prayers for great will power during the liquid phase and a safe, easy surgery and quick recovery!!

Doing good. Still in the 190's but life is GRAND! So far this year I have traveled to New Orleans and Phoenix. I enjoyed myself on both trips. I am a SLOW loser but that's okay with me. I noticed today that XL dress I got from the Limited back in March that I had to wear spanx with, I didn't need the spanx today. I actually look forward to walking and/or working out. I try to get in a least 5 miles of walking per day. Some days I fall short and some days I exceed that amount. I love God, life and my sleeve!

This is actually the first day that I've been aprehensive and scared about having the surgery. It's strange but there it is. I asked myself if I wanted to call it off. My answer to myself from my heart was that I won't live my life without. Honestly, I feel like all of this fat is burying me. I don't want to live my life in bed and that seems to be where I'm headed if I don't have the surgery. I know I'm going to have physical pain. I know that my emotions are probably going to see saw. I know that the alternative to the surgery is much worse than the pain. I expect the pain to be gone in a few weeks. I place myself in my Lord's hands; I know that the surgery is the right choice and it's just the prospect of pain that frightens me. I know that I'm not going to walk this path alone. I am thankful for God's grace. Robin a friend sent me this prayer. Saying it gives me such a sense of peace. I'd like to share it: Father, we come in the name of our Savior Jesus the Christ, first of all to thank you for this beautiful day that you have made that we will rejoice and be glad in. Thank you for being an all powerful, ever present, all knowing God who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can think or ask. Thank you also for being a God who heals and delivers. Father we ask that right now you would touch my body with your healing hands and that your healing power would be at work before during and after my surgery. We ask that you would begin to prepare my body for the upcoming surgery even now. Father, we ask that you would give me your peace, your calm, your comfort, and your assurance. We ask that you would even now begin to regulate my bodily functions so that all will be well and in working order during the procedure. We ask that you begin to prepare the surgeons, nurses, anesthesiologists, and every medical professional who will contribute to her care on Monday. Give them clarity of thought. Please bring all of the necessary medical knowledge to their remembrance so that they will know exactly what to do during my procedure. Please let my recovery be a smooth and uncomplicated one. May I be back on myfeet in no time and be ready to continue taking on the world and honoring you with my life. God, we thank you that you are a faithful God who hears and answers prayers and we’re believing for all the best for Monday. We love you and we honor you. In Jesus’ name we pray and thank you. Amen.

"(you know the kind I am talking about....the ones where when you're done you feel like you've lost five to ten pounds)" Seriously almost spit my drink on my computer screen! I love reading your blogs, you make me smile everytime as well as giving me things to "look forward to"!

@4alongerlife I wish my back problems would go away...but I know they won't. Every doctor I've seen has said that I'm pretty much screwed when it comes to my back. The good thing is I have one last option and I am hoping it works....if not, then I will continue to do what I've don't for 18 years....grin and bare it. No need to let my pain control me. I take each day at a time and only do the things I know I can.

I don't think that it's going to help you to be freaked out. I would say, just accept yourself however you are, and be very happy and grateful that you got the weight off. That is the most important thing, to get the weight off. You can wear certain clothes to hide it if you do get lose skin, but loving yourself however you are is so important. If it's something you can't live with, then you can always have it surgically removed.

Congratulations! Your journey has begun and I wish you luck!