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Feels so good to be me today. I get more compliments and meet more men than ever. Cant image how it's going to be when I loose my last 30 pounds. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK EVERYONE, EVERYDAY IS A STRUGGLE BUT AS I ALWAYS SAY; "ALL FOR ME"

The pounds go down on the scale...so it's been awhile since I've been on or blogged but just a quick update. I haven't had a fill since December... which was great at first then I got to the point where I was throwing up then ok then throwing up then ok... Not wanting to waste the co-pay and not get a fill I just decided to go it on my own.. Come late April/May I evidently hit my sweet spot because I've lost more weight in the last 3 months than I've lost the entire time I've had my band. I was starting to feel like I was a band failure hovering at the same weightloss since 6 months out of surgery... not really gaining, but not losing either.. or if I gained 10lbs losing it (hormonal) then just balancing out at the same range.. So now I am 1 yr 7 months out since surgery, it's been 8 months since my last fill and about 2.5 to 3 months since I hit my "sweet spot" I no longer HAVE to shop in fat girl stores, I am now able to shop in the skinny girl stores even if it's they're biggest size, it fits... So now my band is just truly giving me portion control...the way it's intended and now I'm losing losing losing.. I've also stopped weighing myself since the 1st...So I have absolutely no idea what I weigh at this point but everyone keeps telling me how I look like I've lost so much weight and I actually see the changes on an almost daily basis. I guess I've just stopped worrying about it and just doing my best to live right and eat clean... always room for improvement and it's a process but it's getting better everyday! Hope you're all doing well.

Well, if I am starting a blog to hold myself a little more responsible then I guess I should start with a bit about my journey thus far: I was banded June 8, 2010 and June 9, 2010 by the most wonderful surgeon, Dr. Nahmias here in CT. Yes, my band immediately slipped and I had to have a second surgery, but really it wasn't all that bad. The worst part was the NG Tube before the second surgery - I swear I could have punched the nurse tech who did it square in the face it hurt so damn bad. But after I woke from my second banding I felt like a million dollars and I didn't look back from there I started about 262 lbs and by I lost my 100 lbs within 15 months, although the last 10 were as a result of my TT. But I am relatively happy with my size 10 bod. I will say though I have HUGE body image problems. I think I look worse now than I did before. I don't see (somehow) that I look smaller. It's insane, but it's true. I have gone from a size 22 and a 44DDD to a size 10 and a 36DD and when I look in a mirror I see no improvement. I know it's all mental, and I am working on it, but it's HARD!! My TT was uneventful, except for the hospital not being able to give me any ICE.. freakin crazy. My JP Drains were removed within a week - I did have 2 small probs after - some fluid that had to be manually drained by my doc every week for about a month; and a small wound right above my pubic bone (smaller than a dime) that had to be chemically debrided - but it did eventually close (icky scar). Lately I am maintaining my 96-100 lb weight loss - but I am occasionally bored with my food choices and I do push the envelope at times. I rarely vomit - only if I am talking when I am eating or I eat too fast or something I really shouldn't (more than 3 french fies) I have to say my journey has been pretty easy - I lost my weight with minimum exercise which has led me to not want to exercise. I have been trying to walk again though.....

Now, for the record, I am not by any means thin...YET. However, I have to admit that today at the pool, I felt really good about myself. From my highest weight, I have lost close to eighty five pounds. Since my surgery, seven weeks ago, I have lost a total of fifty five pounds. It amazes me how losing that weight has affected me. Last year I would go to the pool and try to get a chair as far away from people as possible. I would also make sure the chair was in close proximity to the steps of the pool so that I could just dart in without having too many people see me. I know people don't like to look at overweight people so I didn't want to cause their eyes to have to hurt any more than they would have to. I figured that the faster I got in, the faster I could "hide" in the water. I would have never EVER thought about sitting on the edge of the pool and chatting with a friend or walking to the far steps to get in becasue someone was hanging out at the ones near my chair. I would have waited until the people moved and then darted in to the pool. I broke all my rules today. First, I proudly strutted my stuff down the length of the pool to go in the steps that were not being occupied. Then, I sat on the edge of the pool, legs in, and didn't once think about how fat I looked and how I shouldn't be sitting there. I also didn't dart in, and attempt to hide in the water. I took my time getting in the chilly water and enjoyed myself. When I was done, I again proudly strutted my stuff back to my chair, laid down and soaked up the sun. At one point I even looked at my ever shrinking legs and thought, "Damn girl, looking good!" I have to admit, I like this new feeling. I can't remember ever feeling this good about myself. Even when I was a size 10 I was self conscience. I am sure the more I lose, the more my body image will change for the better. and I can't wait for that to happen, but for now, I am going to enjoy my time this summer at the pool or beach and continue to strut my stuff every chance I get and I hope you all do the same. Strut that stuff and be proud...sleeve or no sleeve, we are all beautiful!!!

ok so i made my goal of a size 12 in my one year since i was banded. and it seems like i lost my drive. ugh...last week was the first time in over a year that i only worked out 2 times versus 4 and i was just being soooo lazy. i cant loose my focus and start gaining weight back. ok so today i went to the gym and got back on track..i admit it was a little bit of a struggle, but i stuck with it. i'm praying that that lazyness was a one time fluke. anyway i finally uploaded my after pics..yeah me!!! well although i havent hit onederland yet!!!!!! i'm still shooting for my new goal of a size 10 by my bday in august. i gave myself plenty of time becuz really anything after this size 12 is icing on the cake. OK SO I'M BACK FOCUSED!! full steam ahead. oh i scheduled a small fill for june 23rd cuz that's my next off day when my doc is in the office. sometimes i think i need a fill and others i dont. so for right now i will keep the appoinment, but cancel it if need be. jennifer

My name is Holly, I am 34 years young. I have three beautiful children (1 son, and twin daughters). I have been married to the love of my life for 11.5 years, and live in Orlando, FL. However, I grew up in Michigan, where most of my side of the family still resides. In November of 2006 I had the lap-band placed. I weighed right around 290 lbs (my highest weight ever), and I am 5'6" tall. I did well in the beginning I lost a little over 60 lbs. In retrospect I do not actually think the band played the largest roll in that loss. Right after having the band placed that year was a hard year in terms of illness for our family. My children were very young at the time and during a 6 month period we had several different stomach/intestinal bugs, that I was lucky enough to keep on catching. It seemed as though every other week I was down and out and couldn't keep anything down for days. For that reason I believe that having been sick caused a lot of my 60lb weight loss. I did manage to keep the weight off for quite some time. Over the past 6 years I have gone from under 230lbs to today weighing 261lbs. I now have serious and severe issues with the band. I have developed GERD, which has also caused several cases of reoccurring pneumonia over the past 2.5 years, which recently has caused 2 hospital stays. Just a little over a week ago I had an EGD done, which showed that my esophagus is not pushing food down properly. Having fasted for well over 13 hrs, I still had food in my esophagus that was discovered during the procedure. STUPID band! My GI doc as has recommended that I have the band removed, which I have wanted to do! My insurance will cover bariatric surgery (Praise The Lord!). After much, much research I have decided that I will have revision to VSG. I have two family members who had RNY, and though they did well at first and for quite some time afterwards, they did gain their weight back. But, my biggest concern is all the other serious side effects that comes with RNY. I do not want to deal with dumping, nor being able to absorb vitamins. I also need to be able to continue to take NSAIDs, which both family members were not allowed to do for some years following RNY Sx. I say this because I do have arthritis. Plus, RNY just seems too invasive for my taste, my main reason for having the lap-band placed. Though I am not happy with the lap-band I am happy that it is reversible, and can be removed Next Friday I meet back with my GI doc to go over all the results for the EGD, and he said he will make a referral to a local bariatric surgeon. My current goals are to meet with the bariatric surgeon before March is over, hopefully. And I am hoping that by April 2012 I will be able to have the removal of the band and then revised to VSG.

My best friend is super excited for me now that my surgery date is getting near. She's been with me through the I think I want it.. no wait I don't.. no wait I do's.. I've been through over the last 2 years we've been friends. When I finally decided to do this, she was shocked but super supportive. She began looking into it herself but due to insurance, it's not the right time for her. Last night we were talking and we came up with the idea to do a banded vs. unbanded challenge. She's going to eat the same foods and amounts as me or try to, and we're going to document the differences between the two. I think this will be interesting for the two of us, and for everyone considering the banding. We started today and will do this process for 1 year. Today is a ease into day. I don't technically start my pre-op diet til Monday, but I decided to get used to it by easing my way into. So for example today I had 2 protein shakes, but I also had cucumbers and crackers w/ ranch. The cucumbers not so bad, the crackers and ranch.. .well I think you already know lol. I also had soda which oddly enough I rarely drink, but because I "know" I'm not going to be able to, I suddenly just HAD to have it. lol Other than that it's been a normal day, the 2nd shake was MUCH better. Everything tastes better out of a wine or martini glass lol (that's really funny considering I don't drink lol) But I made a protein shake with a lil' yogurt, skim milk, ice and strawberries and it was almost on the verge of delicious. After the first one though it was like heaven to my mouth lol. In other news.. some people said my previous post was almost "pornographic" but obviously they don't understand that that's the point, I wanted to show how UNHEALTHY my relationship with food is/was. This is what I do... if my writing makes you think, laugh or hiss it's all intentional. Chances are that's the EXACT reaction I was going for. I know my writing style and personality isn't for everyone.. and that's why they invents the X at the top of the screen lol :biggrin: Just kidding, I have :wink2: for everyone!

My goal is to lose 115lbs. Maybe more, I'll see when I reach the first goal. I've successfully lost over 130lbs before and managed to keep most of it off (less the 60 I gained back). When I reached that goal I always said, eh I could lose another 50-80lbs.. Well now feeling like I'm pretty much back where I started (I'm not but it feels like it) I'm going hardcore and it all starts today. My surgery is scheduled for 12/21, I am scheduled to start my pre-op diet on Monday. Me being gung-ho decided to get an extra week in as a way of "Easing" myself into it. Yesterday I went and got my provisions, Protein mix, skim milk, frozen strawberries, yogurt, salad, chicken, etc....Then in a celebration of my last meal I also added some ice cream to the cart, not one but two different pints. Pint 1.) Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Pint 2.) Bryer's cookies & cream. Now if I could have found my all time favorite Oatmeal Cookie from B&J I would have bought two of those and gave myself foodgasms all night but alas I'll suffice with those. I checked out and started on my way home, and some how, some how my car took a right instead of a left and I ended up in the drive- thru, just one last time. Oh golden arches how I'll miss you and our cheapy tawdry affair. You were always there for me when I needed to come by, early, late, doesn't matter you're always ready and willing to put out just the way I like it. Hot, Fast and cheap, In and out with a lil' sweetness at the end. Mmm speaking of sweetness let me get two large sweet teas one with no ice... What???That way it doesn't look like it's all for me. Mcdouble no pickles, they just ruin your pure beefy taste, french fries oh how I love it when your hot golden salted crispy goodness enters my mouth again and again. I must admit, I get a lil' sad when you're done, something about you makes me just want to keep you in my mouth enjoying your salty goodness. Mmmm what is that delightful sweet nectar I taste? The sweet tea I wash you down with. That's right, I say as it feels like you just hit my sweet spot. Basking in the afterglow, I lay back and let it course through me like a heroin addict who just shot up. This isn't good for me, I know I know Ronald I've said it before, but I mean it this time. No more, we have to break it off. You have no power over me. Don't look at me like that, I mean it.. I have to go. No I won't be back.. I won't and don't call me either. Breaking up is hard to do, but they say they best way to get over a man is to get under another one. Or in this case two. Ben & Jerry fulfilling my two man chocolatey threesome fantasy yet again. Yes take me, take me..fill me OMG YES!!!! YES YES YES!!!! Wait what do you mean you're done? we just started.. it was just getting good. The two of you could never keep up with me anyways, get out! Frustrated I wait a lil' bit, but I"m still turned on. Turned on like some sort of crazed eating machine, I set my sights on Bryers, "come here my sweet" mmmm, um oh.. um yeah.. eh, just stop. This isn't working out for us, you're not as good as I thought you would be. Just go... A couple of hours past and that familar remorseful feeling comes over me.. WHY did I do that??? I know better.. Ugh.. Now I need a shower or something. A couple more hours go by, the feeling doesn't pass. I comptemplate if I'm REALLY ready to change, to stop doing things that I KNOW are not good for me, and stop living to eat and start eating to live. Hmmm cucumbers and ranch sound really good right about now. Oh and maybe just these crackers. But today, Today my friends is a new day! I will fast, be celibate and stay true to my new found relationship, even if protein shakes tastes like eggs and @ss. I've heard there's some good ones, I'll have to explore those flavors, for now I'm on these "Designer Whey" protein shakes, even with the strawberries and the vanilla extra and ice and 2 oz of skim milk added in, it still tastes awful. But I'm commited I have a goal, I've started early. I would like to drop 30lbs before the end of the year. Which should be easy for me, as the bulk of that will be water weight. So here I am, stripped down, standing before you as my own "Before" Picture.. which I'll be taking later to commerate the start of my new life. My best life is ahead of me, and I'm going after what's mine. Life solutions, not resolutions. AMEN!

Ok so Friday 12/18/09 I got my band, I woke up going "OMG WHAT DID I DO TO MYSELF" as the pain kicked in. I'm not sure WHO lied and said it's painless, and you could totally be back to work on monday, but somebody did. I think compared to most I'm doing relatively well. My uncomfortableness (is that a word? wait it is now) is mostly from over doing it today and gas. Have I mentioned how much I distain gas??? like it's a serious pet peeve of mine when people burp or pass gas in other ways without excusing themselves from the room first, or worse do it and think it's funny. I think I'm emotionally scarred from all the belching lol. As I hid in my mom's room away from everyone but her, just repeating excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, over and over again. So much so she was like just stop saying it lol. Moving forward, I don't remember most of Friday. Yelling at the nurse, telling her to just stop talking. My friend putting me in the car to take me home, and then hours later my mom coming to rescue and taking me home with her. Don't remember much of that either. But I remember glimpses of it. YAY FOR GOOD DRUGS! Never would I ever tell anyone to do this as an "outpatient" I would suggest if you have the option to stay in the hospitial over night, that you STAY. Friday Day 1, I didn't eat anything, just water and ice chips. Saturday Day 2, I did some vegetable broth. But mostly water and ice chips with the occassional popsicle. Sunday Day 3, I woke up hungry... maybe it was the smell of the turkey that had been baking all night, or maybe just the fact that I hadn't eaten in about 5 days but I was hungry. I woke up and had some yogurt and helped my mom cook our "Turkmas" dinner - Basically christmas dinner but we have all the thanksgiving foods and it's usually a week before Christmas, so everyone can be there. Out of habit, as I was making the deviled eggs I tasted the filling, "hmmm that went down easy." Then my sister started serving up her pumpkin bread.. check on the list.. hard breads, hard breads.. hmmm week 3.. ok but it's kinda mushy and soft and oh so pumpkiny, I won't even put butter on it. So she gives me a 1/2 of an end piece. I pinch the corner off, just enough to get the taste in my mouth and let it disolve. I did that twice and then realized it wasn't her "from scratch" bread and threw it out. Proceeding with cooking the dinner (ok well HELPING, since I was in no shape to cook it like usual.) I made yams, and thought hmmm I could puree these.. wait I don't like candied yams/sweet potatos (I use sweet potato, but make it like yams, tastes better). But the sugary sweet glaze I made for them was delicious, I kept wanting to "test" it..I fought that battle and won. I know what sugar does to me without a band, not in a hurry to find out what it does to me with one. Ok so "Turkmas" 2, Me 1... Feeling the urge of hunger again, I look in the fridge for another yogurt or jello, but I see those deviled eggs. Mmm they're cool now.. I can just eat the filling. Filling of egg #1 gone, filling of egg #2, oh wait hard boiled egg is mushy.. let me see if I can. wait yep I can. Turkmas 4, me 1... The crowd gets there and they devoure my sister's homemade peanut butter fudge. I'd been avoiding it, no problem, but when everyone was surrounding the plate and raving about it.. I wanted a taste. I went to pick a lil' piece up and it crumbled. The lapband Gods make an interception.. Turkmas 4, me 1. Dinner is ready... my mom tells me she made things I could eat.. No mom, technically I'm not supposed to eat it yet, well wait let me just try it and see. Dinner is served, everyone gets their HUGE plates, I get a cake plate. I take exactly 1/2 teaspoon of all the things I think/know will go down: 1/2 teaspoon of mashed potatos 1/2 teaspoon of stuffing 1/2 teaspoon of gravy or well wait maybe a lil' more. 1/2 teaspoon green bean casserole (french) 1/2 teaspoon pistachio pudding salad 1/2 teaspoon of jello salad (my mom pureed all of the fruit into it so I could eat it and not have to chew or pick it out) 1 itty bitty piece of turkey (about the size of my spoon) So all in all I have 3-3.5 teaspoons of food on my mini plate. Everyone is looking at me and chuckling telling me, I'm a better person than they are, they just couldn't do it. That they wait all year for this meal. Umm I know, I cook it... it's freakin' OUTSTANDING.. but some things are more important. I take my time and try everything on my plate. My once around the plate equaled my brother's first piled on plate time. He says "I'm ready for seconds" and I say me too as I continue to dip the tip of my spoon into the seperate piles for the second time. About 1/2 way around I've had enough... 1/2 of what I took is now sitting on my plate. I figure if I get hungry I can go back and try more later... Oddly enough that lil' bit of food, still gave me the itis! Turkmas 10, me 1... lol I went upstairs and took a nap, woke up two hours later wondering if I missed pie. Pumpkin, hmmm I just eat the pumpkin part and not the crust...Redi whip too? Yes please... Turkmas 15, me 1... All and all I felt good, and I felt MUCH better after eating some real food, I came online and saw how some other people had blended up lasagna and chili, etc.. on day 3 so I felt pretty good about my choices, even if Turkmas kicked my butt... :cursing: