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I got approved today. My surgery date is teh 27th of June 2012. I'm ecstatic! My life is about to change, and I can't wait!

Yesterday evening my college friend, Nicole, and her daughter, Bella, arrived at my home for a a little vacation. They are home from Costa Rica and seeing them is always great. I love catching up with Nicole and seeing how much Bella, has grown and matured. But, I have to admit, I was worried about their visit this time. Not because I didn't want them here. I was concerned becasue I didn't know how my new eating behaviors would effect things. Would they think I was strange eating chicken ALL THE TIME? Would I seem crazy when I measured and weighed EVERYTHING out before I ate and then wrote it all down? Most importantly, I was worried about wanting things I shouldn't eat. Friends and food seem to go together. Think about all the great heart to hearts you've had over coffee or tee (or any other drink) and finger foods or sweets? Could catching up cause me to "drop the ball"? I was even more concerned becasue I knew I would have foods in the house that I haven't had in here for awhile. I brought cookies, chips, and other goodies for them as I knew they can't get some of those things down there and would enjoy them. Buying them didn't tempt me. They sat on the counter for days and I never even really looked at them. However, I knew the real test would come when they got here. Well, they are here. I have maintained my normal food consumption. I haven't even thought about eating during our heart to hearts. Lucky for me she is a great friend and understands what is happening and takes it in stride. She knows not to feel bad for eating things in front of me (another thing I was worried about) and both she and her daughter seem to enjoy the goodies I bought them. They even bought themselves some different ones. All I can think is how much had changed in six...wait SEVEN weeks. Prior to surgery, I would have been nibbling on it all and not even realizing how much I had taken in. Now, I just look at it and think that if I really want it, I can have a little bit of it but I don't want it. I have found that if I have anything really sugary, the next day it's all I want. I don't like having that feeling, so I try to stay away from sugar as much as possible. I do make some sweet roasted chic peas with splenda brown sugar that are AMAZING. but my old "go to" foods are no longer a want or a need. I can't believe how much has changed in a short time. It seems unreal to me. If I would have just tried to diet and exercise (like I've tried a million times in the past), I would be craving those things and would have totally cheated on my diet by now. I used to hate hearing people say this, but it really is a total lifestyle change. I can't believe I just wrote that....I refuse to be one of those people that say that to everyone. They annoy me and I don't want to be any more annoying than I already am. So, I will continue to enjoy my friend and her child. We are moving a lot everyday so I am getting my exercise in. Apparently kids make you move!!! I don't have any, so from not having one to having a six year old in the home is a shock to my system (in a good way). I am sure that by the time I get used to having the little one here they will leave and then I won't know what to do with myself. The good thing is knowing they will be back in late June or early July so we can do it all again. It's nice to be able to not associate food with great friends and heart to hearts. Now I can pay attention to what she says instead of wondering who ate my last Oreo from my plate? I know we have gremlins that sneak out and take them as there is no way I ate all those cookies that fast. Now, there are no cookies, just great memories being made and that's something I am really enjoying.

Howdy all! Today is the day! I figured I would pull down the scale that I diligently hid away, that "one" I bought esp for me, cause not every scale can weigh a nearly 500 pound frame, it's been a keen reminder of my failures over the past few years along with my steadily increasing girth. still I kept it, hoping... you all know that "hope" that one day it will be kind to you and actually begin to go in the down direction instead of up. So, anywho although my goals to lose are happening steadily I've always gone in to get my weight done on the same scale everytime at the clinic, but I finally made peace with my own scale and decided to trust her, as I have since named her "HOPE" and welcomed her into the family and off the shelve haha! So many times I have been defeated in this battle, losing weight only to gain it back with more to boot. but this time having tools in my bag I feel strong enough to face those numbers on the regular and own them. coming to a place of acceptance for each pound and realizing that they will not define me or my future, my past defeats will not define the outcome of this journey and I have, with the hand of the Lord above - "got this." This time, I have no one to please or succeed for except myself, and when I stepped on that Ole girl "Hope" this morning and she sounded out 398!! (talking scale seemed cool at the time ) the feeling was wondrous! To BREAK that 400 mark was / is a sweet savour to my heart and proves to me that trusting in the Father above all good things do come and Everything He promised is being added unto me in His due timing. Have HOPE everyone, you too can reach goals and triumph !! Good luck to each of you and happy losing - Jenny