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I bought a pair of 20's on a whim today and thought I'd just keep them in reserve and try them on every now and then for encouragement. Well...I WAS ENCOURAGED!!! They fit!!! I could NOT believe what I was seeing. My mind still sees 349 pounds, not 285. I'm pretty sure my wedding dress was a 20. I'm going to pull it out soon to see if it fits again. I might wait 10 more pounds for that though.... Wow. I'm still in stunned disbelief!! This is......just....I I I I I...don't have words. I'm giddy!!! :lol:

When you wake up feeling cruddy or you pass by something you really want to eat. Just remember.. somedays you have to take a minute at a time and sometimes you can do an hour at a time and think to yourself... this too shall pass. That pizza I really want is not worth me eating and being fat again. That sandwich or steak looks so good ...but I don't want to bust open my sleeve. Always think.... I chose this surgery because I wanted a healthier better me. I gave up those things to find the me that I have always wanted to be. Spread the Fabulosity and Love! We all can do it! There is no reason to turn back. We have made the decision to be skinnier, healthier, sexier.....because WE DESERVE IT! No kind of Food will make me ever GO BACK to being FAT. I want to be FABULOUS!!!

Soo..yeah...totally new to this blogging thing... I hope that this will be a great place for all of my hopes, fears, rants, and hopefully support for what I'm going through. I have had lots and lots of support from this site already and I'm sure it will continue. So a little about me...I'm a teacher, about to move from Middle School Choir to Elementary Music. I am 31 and I feel like I am just now starting my life. I have always been big..you get out a picture of my kindergarten class and I'm the rolly polly in the back. I was constantly teased, taunted, and belittled by my peers and still made fun of by my students now. My senior year of High School I was a size 18/20, I don't remember a time at all that I EVER loved my body. BUT, I'm starting to now.. My "I'm DONE" moment happened this year when I stepped on the dreaded scale and the numbers were over 300...310 to be exact. I said..WTF and decided then and there that I need a HUGE change. My daughter is 6 years old and I can't play with her, I don't want to play with her..and it seems like the only thing I DO want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV...that is just WRONG!!! I had spent a year with a personal trainer and got no where because of not being able to control my portions and what I ate.... I had tried weight watchers...and numerous other things...and then a friend of mine said WLS and I said..hmmm maybe...if only my insurance would cover it.... At the time my husband was working and I was on his insurance. No dice, but then he got laid off...for almost two years... I got on my work's insurance and wow...they covered WLS!!! YAY!!! I went through a tough spot with my husband not wanting me to have the surgery, but I was determined and scheduled it. I have to get on duty at school now, but I am super excited to say that I have lost a total of 46lbs since I had surgery on April 23rd and 4 inches around my chest...I'm back into an 18/20 shirt (my butt is still stubborn about loosing so that has only dropped to a 22/24, but from a 28..YAY!!) I'm looking forward to beginning to love my body.

Once being a pretty regular blogger and making the conscience choice to walk away a few years back makes this all the more interesting and fun to be writing again, So I started this endeavour (weight loss) to get my life back, last year around this time.... I think I find the most difficult part of this is not knowing where to begin. but here I go anyway... I knew that my joy and hope was gone, I knew that my weight was killing me and pushing me into an early grave and I knew that for me, God was going to bring me out of the hole I dug for myself. I didn't want one more year to escape me, So I thought to myself 2012 was going to be dedicated to me helping myself regain my Joy and life. I knew it was going to be a long road but, I was willing to give it my all for a future that I could smile about again So, I started my weight loss adventure in late Dec 2011 right after Christmas determined to cut a chunk out of this body and prepare for my gastric sleeve surgery, first week 10 pounds off. second week 7 pounds more, third week gained back 3 pounds, and the next week lost 1 pound- that did it for me... I had to lose 10 % of my body weight ! I knew I had to get strict on my intake, count everything and push on the physical part of my daily routine, which with being disabled by arthritis is so hard, It's excruciating- but I did what I dreaded doing- being such a large size it's difficult being stared at feeling like you're a joke or that you have no business to even be there and completely out of place but I spoke to a trainer at the Y and told him exactly what I needed to lose and what I was physically able to do. He helped introduce me to the resistance equipment and late January 2012 I started 3 days a week for 20 min, slowly I started to lose again, and regularly losing 4-7 pounds a week with meal replaced shakes and one small meal at dinner. eventually I increased my days to 5 doing 90+ min daily, getting stronger, seeing small changes in curves and a huge increase in muscle tone, sure I still have the fat hanging off those working muscles but now I can actually start to see them peeking out at me and that is really encouraging to say the least. I was scheduled for surgery May 1st, I met my 10% and exceeded the required to 14% lost! the morning of my surgery I had lost 74 pounds pre-op and last week I was at 91 pounds down, I know this is a battle I face and some times will go slower and eventually get very hard to drop, but I'm in it, to win it. and yesterday I was finally able to start back to the Y and I look forward to the weight to start dropping again I felt urged to share and encourage others on their journey, so I decided to pick up my keyboard and blog again here and there about my journey. The thing that makes this journey so rewarding are the small victories I can place in my heart, the tiny beautiful moments and things that average size people get to do daily without a second thought. Yesterday I went to Walmart and walked around shopping for well over an hour... something I was unable to do just 4 months ago without being in pain and winded, but yesterday was different! during my shopping trip, I bought a belt.... yes a belt with a buckle and holes lol what makes this wonderful for me is I'd NEVER bought myself a belt before. the only ones I ever had came as sashes on a dress or such. this time I fit into a real belt and even though it only closed to the second hole ... IT CLOSED!! PRAISE GOD !! and I bought it!! along with a sweater and several tanks in a size 3x that also fit. AMAZING.... these tiny victories bring me smiles and such joy because I know that more are coming, slowly but surely. I wanted to share with others so maybe they would remind you to never give up your hope, it's never hopeless, and celebrate the smallest of victories!! <3 Jenny

Well, the day has finally come that I have to give up my "GOOD" scale. It is the one that has always told me that I am anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds less than EVERY other scale in the world, rendering all other scales garbage. The doctor, the gym, the surgeon...all of their scales are junk. They're broken. Poo poo. Until now. My good scale is a manual dial type scale, that now only registers 5 or 10 pound losses. I can't hang with that. I need to know the daily ounces of my loss or bounce. (I know, I know. I said I'd never do that, but I don't get all freaked out over it anymore.) So....my new, evil Weight Watchers brand scale from Costco says I weigh 287!!! Just like all of those OTHER stupid scales! Nowhere to run- nowhere to hide. This means... {GULP} That I did NOT start at 340, but at....349!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! I know, I know...in the grand scheme of things, what's 9 pounds? I've still lost 62 no matter how you cut it. It's just that my starting weight and current weight are, well...shifted up a bit. It's almost like I'm not really who I thought I was!! (insert dramatic music here) HAHAHA Ok, I'm being dramatic for effect, but you get my drift. (BIG SIGH HERE;) Anyway- if anyone has paid any attention to my stats (which a couple of you have mentioned that you have) that's why the change in numbers. I'm finally being forced to face reality. WAAAAHHHH!!!!

Last year this time I was just about to start my journey into the long list of Drs appointments, evaluations, testing, and finally waiting. I am so happy to say it is a year later and I am 80lbs lighter. My journey was not just for vanity reasons but it was a new beginning for me. As I began to regain control and focus on the root cause of my weight loss I had to really focus on what else in my life had I just let overrun me. I sometimes felt as if all of the air was being sucked out of the room and it had nothing to do with my weight. Well needless to say I have started to face the pink elephant in the middle of the room. It hasn't been easy but it has been real and as I lost the physical weight I began to look at what other dead weight I was carrying around for other people. My life is not easy, nor has this surgery been a piece of cake but if you ask me would I do it all over again. The answer is yes!!!!!!!!. I sometimes pass by windows and look at myself in disbelief or its really funny when I post pics of my new self on facebook and I get comments back like "When did you take that picture" or the best one is " How old were you when you took this". LOL!!!!! I encourage anyone that is contemplating the surgery. Do it for you and you will never regret it. P.S. My 18 year old daughter did it two months after me and she has lost a whopping 84lbs and you can't tell her nothing!!!!! For the first time in her life she is wearing clothing that concide with her age and she is so excited. I can hardly keep up with all the new guys who are interested in her... It is the best gift that I ever could have given her...

Well, Down another size. I am disgusted with myself because I quit exercising....if I had continued I'd be at goal or below. I still struggle with old habits. I need to find my motivation again. I still am in a better place than I was 8 months ago. Size 22/24 to size 16. Two more sizes to go. I guess what I'm trying to say is it isn't easy. Let's face it, if losing weight was easy, none of us would be on this site So, for any of you feeling the same let's hike up our big girl panties and get this done. We can do this...I can do this!!! Nikki