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I have a date, June 20th. That is three weeks from tomorrow...this is really happening.

When you wake up feeling cruddy or you pass by something you really want to eat. Just remember.. somedays you have to take a minute at a time and sometimes you can do an hour at a time and think to yourself... this too shall pass. That pizza I really want is not worth me eating and being fat again. That sandwich or steak looks so good ...but I don't want to bust open my sleeve. Always think.... I chose this surgery because I wanted a healthier better me. I gave up those things to find the me that I have always wanted to be. Spread the Fabulosity and Love! We all can do it! There is no reason to turn back. We have made the decision to be skinnier, healthier, sexier.....because WE DESERVE IT! No kind of Food will make me ever GO BACK to being FAT. I want to be FABULOUS!!!

It's time to do this. You gotta start somewhere, right? Right. Where to start so as not to bore any unsuspecting reader into a seizure? My signature really tells the beginning story, not much else to tell about that part. It's everything that came afterward and the sheer frustration and disappointment in my band that led me to this point, five years later. Five years later I am still struggling with my weight. Five years later I haven't lost but a little over 60lbs. I had wanted to lose 100. I still remember standing in my surgeon's office at my consultation and telling him my goal was to lose at least 100 pounds. He smiled and laughed and said I would lose that in 6 months, EASY! OoOoOoOoh!! Sign me up, I'm sold! Actually, WLS was something I had been contemplating for several months, but at the time LB wasn't covered by Tricare. I have struggled with my weight my ENTIRE life. I was a relatively normal-size baby, then a fat kid, then a fat teen, then a fat young adult. Fat, fat, fat. I weighed about 220lbs in high school. Needless to say I was never asked out to a dance or even on a date. My mother also struggled with her weight and I learned everything I needed to know about gaining and losing from her. I learned that food equaled happiness, a reward for a job well done, something to pass the time when you're bored, and an excellent TV companion. She used to buy junkfood by the bagful and we'd lay in bed all day on a Sunday and just eat and nap, eat and nap. Cheetos, candy bars, candy, ice cream, Fritos, Banana Flips...we ate these like it was going out of style and when the food ran out, we just walked down to PDQ and bought more. When she finally decided she had had enough of being obese, she crash dieted through starvation and anorexia. I watched her melt away into a skinny, sexy, bombshell and suddenly she started getting the attention I so desperately craved. I started starving myself during my senior year of high school and I lost about 50lbs or so. I started getting noticed. I had my first boyfriend...and then my second...and then I got pregnant at 18. By the time I was 29 weeks I had gained 40lbs and I ended up delivering my son then. Who knows how much I would have gained had I not delivered? Between the stress of a failing, abusive relationship, being a young mother, and moving across the country, I didn't care about my appearance as much anymore, and the weight sort of clung. Then I got pregnant again at 20. This time I put on a whopping 80 pounds! I really, REALLY enjoyed using pregnancy as an excuse to gorge myself silly. Fast forward a year and my relationship with my abusive partner finally ended, and I found myself the FAT, single mother of two young babies. Feeling desperate and scared of being alone forever, I again became anorexic and starved myself. I lost about 90lbs in 9 months and WOW did I get the attention! I think that's when I really started equating being thin with being worthy of love...how terrible is that? It makes me sick now, but back then I really thought that way, and to some degree, it has stuck with me. I met my husband when I was this skinny, non-eating person. He couldn't figure out why I never ate in front of him...or at all, really. I would subsist on nothing but a few crackers and juice for about 3 days, and then on the 4th day I would eat one large meal of whatever I wanted. Real healthy, eh? Anyway, my husband was the one who eventually pulled me out of that disorder, and gradually I began eating again...which meant back came the weight. Grrrrr! I got pregnant in 2006 and with this baby I gained 70lbs. Sigh. Back on the dieting wagon. I did WW for a while and I excercised like a crazy person. I lost most of the baby weight I guess but by now my body was just never going to be the same. For the next couple years my weight just slowly crept up. I battled severe postpartum depression with my third baby and I struggled with the medications I was on and the intense feeling of hunger they produced 24/7. I continued to pack on the pounds and I entered a stage of self-loathing. Ultimately it almost cost me my marriage...I had absolutely no sexual desire nor did I feel sexy, I felt my husband was not attracted to me anymore, and I felt incredibly sad and powerless against my weight. I started having weight-related health issues like horrible arthritis in my hip joints and worsening asthma. I was tired all the time and had no stamina. I was resentful that everyone (it seemed) could eat whatever they wanted and not gain an ounce, but that I had to starve myself in order to lose or maintain my weight. By this time my weight was creeping toward 240lbs and I started contemplating WLS. After much research I decided on the LB. Only problem was that Tricare was not yet approving this surgery for weightloss. About four months after my decision to pursue the LB, Tricare finally approved the LB and I jumped at the opportunity. I was banded on April 23rd, 2007 in Louisville, KY. (to be continued)

I have 15 more days until my surgery (6/14). I am completely calm now about getting the sleeve. I was panicked for a few months but the more I read on here, the less I fear it. There are two links I want to put in here so that later if I have to refer to them, I'll know where to go. They are both for if you fall off the wagon and need to "jump start" your sleeve again. Basics Boot Camp - http://www.verticals...ics-boot-camp/� and the 5 Day Pouch Test - http://www.5daypouch...uchtest.com/��� I hope not to use them but they are a great resource. On Monday, June 4, I have to attend and Educational workshop at my surgeons office. This is where I will meet a dietician and a nurse. I will also be getting a couple of tests (EKG I think, and maybe something else). My total costs so far: Initial Dr. Visit co-pay: $40 2nd Dr. chosen - copay: $40 Psyc Eval - copay - $40 Educational Workshop - $40 InMotion personal trainer fee (mandated by the surgeon) $120 Hospital co-pay $300 (thank goodness my insurance covers this surgery and they also cover a tummy tuck as long as it's associated with the surgery!!) I have four girlfriends that are size 12 and lower - they've all banded to give me their unwanted clothing! What a great group of friends!! They are always sharing and trading clothes. I can't wait to join "the club."

I have intended to blog about my surgery experience before now but haven't felt up to it until today. I am now 8 days post op and things are getting better. I have been having pain in my chest and upper stomach which has been pretty unbearable since surgery. It is getting less day by day, thank the good Lord above. I guess I didn't really know to expect the pain as it has been for me since I hadn't heard most people describe this sort of thing before I had surgery. I will keep praying it will get better each day and I'm sure it will!! As of today I am down a total 27 pounds which includes pre op and post op. I lost 15 preop and 12 the first week post op. I am so grateful to be losing this weight. It is unbelievable to me. I'm still trying to get enough fluids in and it has been hard but like I said everything gets better each day that passes. Well, I didnt really get to write about my experience with surgery. So I will just elaborate on it a little. I wasn't really scared at all when I arrived at the hospital at 8:30 am on the 21st. I had to go through admissions then back to surgery prep one. Once there, they took vitals and gave me a gown and told me to get undressed. The nurse came by and took an assesment then it was back to surgery prep two. There I was talked to by the anesthesiologist and asked the same questions over again. I was so ready for the "feel good" shot. I kept asking for it. The nurse finally gave it to me and I didn't care what happened at that point. LOL I remember being wheeled back into surgery and them strapping me down. The next thing I knew I was waking up with the very terrible pain in the top of my stomach.(exactly where the pain comes and goes now. It was like huge painful contractions) I realize not all patients feel this, but to me it was very painful! I was moaning and I remember the nurse there wasn't very nice and kept telling me to stop. I was thinking she better be glad I can't say much. At that point I remember regretting what I had done and questioning myself. The next thing I remember was being hooked up to my pain pump and realizing I had a pain pump inside the top of my stomach as well as the morphine pump in my IV. The pump in my chest was where all the terrible pain was coming from. The pain catheter was threaded directly into my stomach. I was then taken to my room and for the next few hours I slept. I began walking about 5 hours after surgery. I walked every chance I got. I knew I wanted to come home the next day and not stay two nights. I absolutely hate the hospital. The next day we were asked to WALK down to xray and get the leak test. I thought that was horrible asking everyone to walk down there with there IV pole and all. Anyway, I made it and it showed that I had ALOT of swelling and it was very hard for the liquid they gave me to go down. It finally did and didn't show any leaks at that point. When I got back to the room, we were given trays of broth, jello, and popsicles. I ate what I could and kept it down. I asked the Dr. if I could go home and he released me. I had a two hour drive home and by the time I got here I was in so much pain I could hardly bare it. It was really hard for me for the first few days but I'm feeling better now and looking forward to my new life. I do pray every day that when the swelling goes down, I don't have a leak. I just know that I have to keep trusting GOD and let him guide me through this. I go for my one week post op appointment tomorrow. Which actually will be 9 days. I'm looking forward to getting my staples out and continuing to heal. Still amazes me about the weight loss. NO WAY would I have been able to lose 27 pounds in three weeks any other way. I plan to rock this sleeve and for the first time in a very long time, learn to love me again. :wub: I love you guys. Thanks for all the support!

Has anyone tried Peanut butter in shakes when you can have protein? I tried it today! OMG Good! And you get protein from it! It became liquid form. I added Skim milk, Ice, and Protein Vanilla Shake! Instantly GREAT!

So yesterday marks 24 weeks out or 5 months post op.. I am 13.6 lbs from goal and feeling good.. so here are my stats 5'7" HW:265 DoS:238.1 CW: 163.6 Goal:150 These past few months have been the best that i could have ever imagined.. My weight is under control, my boyfriend and I are engaged, and I feel like a brand new me. The funny part is im not even worried about these last few lbs because to be honest im not sure where they are gonna come from, but hey.. hopefully not my boobs or my ass..lol. I have been lucky so far to not really lose my boobs.. my butt got a little deflated, but hey a little squats will perk it right back up.. I do have to admit i have been slackin hard core on the working out, but thats because im sooo tired from driving every week to see my fiancee. Unfortunately he doesn't live close so we have to drive back n forth to see each other.. not fun but hey its a sacrafice im willing to make to be with him and vice versa for him. I am hoping to be at goal by the end of next month, but if not no biggie.. just wanted to set a little goal for myself and see if i can achieve it, but in order to do that i need to get back to hitting the gym and running like i used to.. So here is my pledge.. i will run at least 3 days a week. and i will hit the gym at least 2 days a week.. i need to build muscle! I leave you with pictures and my thanks for all your support in my journey to a new and improved me. I hope that I have been a slight insperation to some of you as you have been one to me. here are some recent pictures of my journey..