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It's time to do this. You gotta start somewhere, right? Right. Where to start so as not to bore any unsuspecting reader into a seizure? My signature really tells the beginning story, not much else to tell about that part. It's everything that came afterward and the sheer frustration and disappointment in my band that led me to this point, five years later. Five years later I am still struggling with my weight. Five years later I haven't lost but a little over 60lbs. I had wanted to lose 100. I still remember standing in my surgeon's office at my consultation and telling him my goal was to lose at least 100 pounds. He smiled and laughed and said I would lose that in 6 months, EASY! OoOoOoOoh!! Sign me up, I'm sold! Actually, WLS was something I had been contemplating for several months, but at the time LB wasn't covered by Tricare. I have struggled with my weight my ENTIRE life. I was a relatively normal-size baby, then a fat kid, then a fat teen, then a fat young adult. Fat, fat, fat. I weighed about 220lbs in high school. Needless to say I was never asked out to a dance or even on a date. My mother also struggled with her weight and I learned everything I needed to know about gaining and losing from her. I learned that food equaled happiness, a reward for a job well done, something to pass the time when you're bored, and an excellent TV companion. She used to buy junkfood by the bagful and we'd lay in bed all day on a Sunday and just eat and nap, eat and nap. Cheetos, candy bars, candy, ice cream, Fritos, Banana Flips...we ate these like it was going out of style and when the food ran out, we just walked down to PDQ and bought more. When she finally decided she had had enough of being obese, she crash dieted through starvation and anorexia. I watched her melt away into a skinny, sexy, bombshell and suddenly she started getting the attention I so desperately craved. I started starving myself during my senior year of high school and I lost about 50lbs or so. I started getting noticed. I had my first boyfriend...and then my second...and then I got pregnant at 18. By the time I was 29 weeks I had gained 40lbs and I ended up delivering my son then. Who knows how much I would have gained had I not delivered? Between the stress of a failing, abusive relationship, being a young mother, and moving across the country, I didn't care about my appearance as much anymore, and the weight sort of clung. Then I got pregnant again at 20. This time I put on a whopping 80 pounds! I really, REALLY enjoyed using pregnancy as an excuse to gorge myself silly. Fast forward a year and my relationship with my abusive partner finally ended, and I found myself the FAT, single mother of two young babies. Feeling desperate and scared of being alone forever, I again became anorexic and starved myself. I lost about 90lbs in 9 months and WOW did I get the attention! I think that's when I really started equating being thin with being worthy of love...how terrible is that? It makes me sick now, but back then I really thought that way, and to some degree, it has stuck with me. I met my husband when I was this skinny, non-eating person. He couldn't figure out why I never ate in front of him...or at all, really. I would subsist on nothing but a few crackers and juice for about 3 days, and then on the 4th day I would eat one large meal of whatever I wanted. Real healthy, eh? Anyway, my husband was the one who eventually pulled me out of that disorder, and gradually I began eating again...which meant back came the weight. Grrrrr! I got pregnant in 2006 and with this baby I gained 70lbs. Sigh. Back on the dieting wagon. I did WW for a while and I excercised like a crazy person. I lost most of the baby weight I guess but by now my body was just never going to be the same. For the next couple years my weight just slowly crept up. I battled severe postpartum depression with my third baby and I struggled with the medications I was on and the intense feeling of hunger they produced 24/7. I continued to pack on the pounds and I entered a stage of self-loathing. Ultimately it almost cost me my marriage...I had absolutely no sexual desire nor did I feel sexy, I felt my husband was not attracted to me anymore, and I felt incredibly sad and powerless against my weight. I started having weight-related health issues like horrible arthritis in my hip joints and worsening asthma. I was tired all the time and had no stamina. I was resentful that everyone (it seemed) could eat whatever they wanted and not gain an ounce, but that I had to starve myself in order to lose or maintain my weight. By this time my weight was creeping toward 240lbs and I started contemplating WLS. After much research I decided on the LB. Only problem was that Tricare was not yet approving this surgery for weightloss. About four months after my decision to pursue the LB, Tricare finally approved the LB and I jumped at the opportunity. I was banded on April 23rd, 2007 in Louisville, KY. (to be continued)

I have 15 more days until my surgery (6/14). I am completely calm now about getting the sleeve. I was panicked for a few months but the more I read on here, the less I fear it. There are two links I want to put in here so that later if I have to refer to them, I'll know where to go. They are both for if you fall off the wagon and need to "jump start" your sleeve again. Basics Boot Camp - http://www.verticals...ics-boot-camp/� and the 5 Day Pouch Test - http://www.5daypouch...uchtest.com/��� I hope not to use them but they are a great resource. On Monday, June 4, I have to attend and Educational workshop at my surgeons office. This is where I will meet a dietician and a nurse. I will also be getting a couple of tests (EKG I think, and maybe something else). My total costs so far: Initial Dr. Visit co-pay: $40 2nd Dr. chosen - copay: $40 Psyc Eval - copay - $40 Educational Workshop - $40 InMotion personal trainer fee (mandated by the surgeon) $120 Hospital co-pay $300 (thank goodness my insurance covers this surgery and they also cover a tummy tuck as long as it's associated with the surgery!!) I have four girlfriends that are size 12 and lower - they've all banded to give me their unwanted clothing! What a great group of friends!! They are always sharing and trading clothes. I can't wait to join "the club."

So true. You will never look at food the same. It is amazing how just a bite is enough now. A friend directed me to this website and I found your blog I really enjoy reading your post. Thanks.

Has anyone tried Peanut butter in shakes when you can have protein? I tried it today! OMG Good! And you get protein from it! It became liquid form. I added Skim milk, Ice, and Protein Vanilla Shake! Instantly GREAT!

Time will fly and before you know it, you'll be wheeling into the OR

Agree with posts, and actually we all have a food addiction. Addiction is something hard for any person to face no matter what the drug of chose and all of our drug happened to be food. You are correct in saying that bariatric surgery will not fix the addiction thinking of any of us, only we have the power to change our behavior and we need help to do that. You do need to seek professional help with your addiction, the band will work but you have to make it work, it is just a tool and it will allow you to eat what ever you chose to put in your body. The only person who can help you develop positive coping skills is a professional and shame on your doctor for not suggesting this unless he already has. I am sorry there is no magic answer or pill we can take for our addiction because if there was I am sure all of us would be taking it. Good luck to you, I know it took courage to ask for help, this is a positive step in the right direction.

Good for you "smoking hot" mama.

Agreed. We all gained weight because of our issues. I'm sure there are few that breeze on through without struggles. We have to look at the banding as a tool and if we aren't ready to face the issues that got us there in the first place, it's going to be fruitless. As foodies, we are so used to failure. This to me is HUGE. I told myself a long time ago that if I ever got the opportunity to be covered through insurance that I would give it my all. I'm not saying that I am going to be a success story, I just know that this is my last ditch effort...I hope that you are able to get some help. I will keep you in my prayers! Much love and hugs!

We are a family of 6...3 of which are teenagers. They enjoy their food. Me being excited about my journey has made them excited. They still eat what they like but make alot of effort to not do it in front of me. When I feel like slipping back into old habits my kids are my biggest fans and say "Mom, you can do this". I am still a mom and have to make dinner so my oldest will make the "sides" which are my trigger foods. I cook the meat because only 1 week post-op have no desire to try to choke that down. My girls will put away left overs to avoid temptation. Until I can take charge of the behavior that got me here my kids and husband cheer me on. My goal is when I can control myself I can take better control of how my family is eating. It is a work in progress. Our families love us and want us to succeed. Good Luck!