Leaderboard

I have been thinking of having weight loss surgery for some time now. And that is as far as it went. Thinking aboiut it. For years and years my weight has gone up and up with out me really thinking anything about it or acknowledging it. Well, here I am at 41 years old and more then morbidly obese. I am ashamed of how I look and feel knowing that I put myself into the situation I am in. I know that if I don't do something about it I could die and I am way to young for that to happen. I have two wonderful children that are teenagers and I want to see them grow into adults and have children of there own. There's so much in life I still want to see and enjoy. I took the first step about a month ago by talking to my doctor about how I feel about my health and weight issues. She and I talked about surgery and placed the call to Dr. English in Marquette Michigan. With in a few days the office contacted me and sent an information package in the mail. I admit it took a while to mail the package back to them. I wanted to be sure I had learned much more before taking the next step. On March 21st, I attended the conference where I learned much more and made the decision to mail the filled out forms back to Dr. English's office. Next step, make appointments for psych exam and so forth. One step at a time , baby steps.. and I will succeed!

OK this is the low down... YES I did get that piece of cake but guess what... it wasn't that great, It did taste very good but IT IS ONLY FOOD!!! I think for years now my thoughts and cravings are more about my mind than my taste buds. Don't get me wrong it tasted good but not as good as my mind made it seem like it should be... I have given this extra dimension to food for years and have just realized it. I feel a little shell shocked still but let me say it again... ITS JUST FOOD!!! You know how you work so hard to plan the "perfect Christmas Morning?" Months and months of attending to every detail.. I make these gorgeous bows and make home made gift tags for each gift. I shop and shop and shop finding the a perfect gifts, I stress and spend and swear I will never do it again because every year they rip through the gifts with very little notice to the hours I have spent wrapping etc and inevitably we have a return pile for all those "perfect gifts" but you know why I do it... I do it because I am chasing the Norman Rockwell version of Christmas painted on a card, Not the real Christmas we celebrate, where our PJ's dont match, we have bed head and to be completly honest I will undoubtedly have smeared mascara on my face from being up so late making everything so perfect, that I fall asleep without even washing my face or brushing my teeth... Now the point is... (drum roll please)..... I have made every craving, every food fantasy into the erotic unatainable perfect "meal or snack or whatever" in my mind... it WILL NEVER be as good in my mouth as it is in my mind! Norman Rockwell doesn't live in CAKE!!! Can anyone else agree with me or have I truly gone off the proverbial deep end??

I haven't been able to get on this website for about 3 weeks due to computer issues, and then family illness. Thankfully, that's all taken care of now! It's hard to believe that 2 months ago I had a life-changing, mind-blowing experience with the realization of getting my sleeve. After years of major struggles with the lap-band, and 2 years spent searching for a Doctor who would even consider seeing me, God opened the door for me at Dr. Kaler's office. Dr. Kaler had no hesitation in telling me, "Yes, I can do your revision". I remember sitting in his exam room with tears in my eyes, thinking "Finally, someone who can help me". The sense of relief that this ordeal was finally over was surreal. After years of struggling with the band, the sliming, the sticking, the not being able to eat out in front of anyone other than my DH, my mother's comments of "Oh honey, I just wish there was something that could be done for you", my revision was done in one surgery. The changes that have occurred in my life since have been amazing. No more sticking, no more sliming, eating out with friends, feeling like I'm 15 years younger, the energy, the ability to get out and move, the improved numbers from my bloodwork, actually enjoy life has been such a blessing. As of this morning, I am down 42lbs, and 3 dress sizes. I still struggle with my eyes being WAAAAYY bigger than my sleeve. I suspect this will be a challenge for quite a long time. But it's always surprising to me how much is left on my plate. My DH has enjoyed my leftovers many times and isn't complaining. To have the ability to eat without the expectation that it's going to be a painful experience, has made me realize that I have taken eating for granted. I no longer do that. I know truly enjoy my food, more as a true pleasure, and I'm focusing on making sure that those meals are well worth the effort. I'm learning new recipes, experiencing new foods, and focus on eating whole, healthy, fresh foods. And it's such a great time of the year to do this. With the Farmer's Markets that are open now, my vegetable garden, learning to can and freeze fresh fruits and vegetables, purchasing grass fed beef, free-range chicken, and the most recent addition to our little farm - a Devon pig, who will be filling our freezer this fall, our food quality has increased by leaps and bounds. No more pre-processed food, no more white carbs, a significant reduction in gluten in our lives has made a tremendous difference in not just my, but my DH's life. I never would have made these changes in our life had it not been for the sleeve. I'm eating pretty much anything I want, just in drastically smaller quantities, and the only thing I haven't tried yet is a salad. For some reason, that's the one thing that looms in my mind as the "The Big One". I'm sure it's just in my head that way, but I still see a Salad and think, "One day I'll be able to eat that and really enjoy it", but I haven't tried one yet. I'm not big on restaurant salads, but prefer to buy my own ingredients and make them at home. That way I can control what goes in to it. I will always encourage those who are thinking about getting the lapband toward the sleeve, and I will support those who want a revision by sharing my experience. Just as so many of the folks on this wonderful website have done for me.

My list of things I am looking forward to when I am thinner: Fitting into a booth comfortably Fitting into movie seats comfortably Flights without an extended seat belt Sitting on my friends wooden kitchen chairs and praying I don't break them Shopping at a normal size store Dancing with more confidence again Improved love life Less heart burn Feet and knees that don't hurt Stomach out of the way of the steering wheel Keeping up when on a long walk or hike Having the energy to be more active, exercise Controlling food, not allowing it to control me Get those old jeans and formal dress on Feeling confident in my skin Less top heavy so I can wear high heals again without feeling off balance Someones notice, not because I am fat, but because I look good No diabetes, GERD, Heart disease, High Cholesterol, Edema Working at a fast pace without hypoglycemia Being drenched in my uniform with sweat as I struggle to keep up

I lost 1.2 lbs this week. This puts my current weight at 215.4 (from a high of 246). My total weight loss since starting this journey has been 30.6 lbs (average weight loss per week is 2.5….which does not include the 10 lbs I lost post op). I am two months PostOp and I am pretty much eating whatever I want – except in smaller amounts (examples of things I am eating – watermelon, spaghetti, cereal, small salads, asparagus, etc.). If it can fit into one of my 4 oz containers that is how much I eat. Best meal this week was a tomato, mozzarella, basil salad with left over fresh tuna my husband caught (ate separately…drizzled wasabi, soy, ginger dressing on the tuna..yum!). The day before I had the tuna on a small bed of lettuce with the dressing and sliced up cucumbers. Please note that I don’t enjoy cooking at all. I did make the tomato/mozzarella salad but my husband cooked the tuna. I’ve been looking up “make ahead” salads so I have more healthy “go to” items in the fridge (this weekend I want to try a black bean confetti salad and a Texas caviar salad – found easy recipes through pinterest). I thought those would be good with some pre-cooked chicken. I made the mistake of watching the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead this week. Now I want a juicer and started obsessing about getting in micro nutrients (I liked parts of the documentary but not all of it. It is about juice fasting.). I also made the mistake of weighing myself every day (which has not helped me mentally and has me questioning everything I am eating when I am eating below 1200 calories as it is). I am close enough to being under 200 to “taste” it. We bought plane tickets to go home this summer and I would love to be under 200 when I go. I am feeling some “self pressure” to drop those pounds in the coming month which I think is contributing to my recent blah mood (mainly because I know I should probably join the Y and get on a regular exercise program if I want to lose that weight in the next month). I had a moment yesterday where everything was ticking me off and all I wanted to do was go and eat and eat and eat. I went to McDonalds and got a hot fudge sundae and that made my stomach feel horrible and I pretty much didn’t eat for the rest of the night. I was mad that I couldn’t eat like I wanted but got over that (I’m normally a pretty happy person so I am going to blame my recent mood on PMS). My exercise is still hit or miss and not really planned. I walked 3 miles on Saturday and did some hiking and a lot of walking around on Sunday. I am not counting calories or weighing my food (too much “work” for me). I am eating in 1, 2 or 4 oz increments (these are the mini containers I purchased so my meals are measured with that). Here is an idea of what I am eating: Breakfast – High Protein Slimfast Chocolate Shake with Skim Milk (sometimes with strawberries or bananas blended in). Sometimes Go Lean Crunch cereal with skim milk served in a ramekin. Sometimes a ready to drink shake that I have on hand in case I am running late. Sometimes an Atkins bar. Snack (around 10 a.m.) – Atkins bar or 4 oz flavored greek yogurt with 1 oz of Go Lean Crunch mixed in or applesauce or jello. Lunch (I usually start eating from 11:30 to 1 p.m. in little increments) 4 oz applesauce 4 oz of left over dinner (i.e. spaghetti, grilled tuna, sliced ham and cheese, usually something with protein, etc.) 4 oz watermelon (this is a recent thing but I have also had sliced cucumbers too) Sugar Free Jello snack pack Mid Snack (around 3 p.m.) – Almonds, Atkins bar, yogurt, cheese stick (any of those) Dinner (around 5:30) 4 oz of dinner 4 oz of veggies with dinner (I usually don’t eat the carbs that go with the dinner) Desert – SF popsicle, cut up fruit, or SF gelatin

I was so looking forward to having to "make myself eat" after my sleeve. This has definetely not been the case. Im still hungry all the time. Im also upset that I have only lost 1 pound a week for the past 4 weeks. And this is after increasing my workouts from almost nothing to 3-5 days a week. I was so excited when I was in the gym that all of that hard work was going to mean more #'s off the scale. I guess not. Everyday of my life, when I see skinny women, I think to myself "is she hungry all the time?" and "what does she eat to be so damn skinny?". Basically these thoughts rule my world all of the time. As im sitting here, my stomach is growling and the idea of eating is awful because I know it will just keep making me fat. And on top of it all, this concept of protein keeping hunger at bay, well...I just dont believe it. I drink my protein, mix it into just about anything I can, and it sure isnt keeping me from being hungry. Uuugggghhh... On the positive side, I do feel good. I havent had any problems with my surgery, and I feel 100%. Im just going to keep eating healthy foods, excercising, and praying that one day god will help me get over this food addiction I have.

Had two solids weeks of no movement now finally down another 3lbs. I really need to stay on top of making sure I get the protein.

You can read the story and see pics on my blog by clicking here If you get a chance please leave a comment for me over on my blog. I know it's a pain to fill out the form to leave comments on the main blog but you have no idea how it makes my day!! Love all of you and I know we will win the fight against obesity together!!

It amazes me how much my body has changed in only five weeks. Rolls are smaller, my side boobs are almost gone, and my stomach is semi flat (though still big). My legs are changing and shaping and my boobs are shrinking to the smallest they have been since college....when I used to think they were very large. If I have changed this much is such a short time, I can't even imagine what I will look like in a year. The idea of being around 150 pounds is still unreal to me. I know it's my goal and I am doing everything I need to in order to make my goal, but it still seems crazy to me to think I could ever bee that thin. I wasn't even that thin in high school. Yesterday I took the plunge and tried on my bathing suit. I knew when I bought it two years ago that it was too small for me, but I didn't care. I shoved every inch of fat into it and enjoyed myself on the beach or in the pool. That won't be the case this year. First, it went right on with no wiggle-wiggle. You girls know what I mean. The moving your body and the garment in an attempt to get it up and over your ___________(fill in the blank). Nope, this time it slid right up. It fit perfectly and I looked good in it. Not model good, but good. I will no longer have to pretend that I feel comfortable at the beach, because now I will be. I was so excited that I came running out of the bedroom to tell my husband only to find him passed out on the couch taking a nap. So, I decided to jump into the car and drive the mile to my parent's home and show my new body to my mother. I was smart enough to throw some clothes on before running out the door. I think it would be a little strange to see a woman driving in her bathing suit this early in the summer. I do live near a beach, so it's not as uncommon as you may think. I literately walked into the house, said hello and stripped down to my bathing suit. Lucky for me my mother is very understanding and didn't demand me to stop stripping in her kitchen. Instead, she looked me up and down and told me how wonderful I look. Yea, I look wonderful in a bathing suit. LOL Then to make my weekend even better, I tried on a pair of Old Navy sweats I bought prior to my surgery. They couldn't get over my but when I bought them but now, they fit just perfectly. I am really liking this weight loss thing that comes from getting a sleeve. I wish someone would have told me this would have been a side affect. I would have done it a long time ago. LOL Just kidding. The only side affect I didn't really know about was how good I would really feel and not just because the clothes fit. It's more just feeling better all around. Knowing I did something for me that is making me healthier every day. Now, if weight loss is a part of that, I'll take it. I will also take feeling good in a bathing suit (both kinds) because, that's something I haven't felt .... well, ever.

So I was figuring out my BMI and realized something cool. I no longer qualify for WLS, if I were to go in today. My BMI went from 45 to 34.8 in 5 months. So I'm no longer extremely obese- just obese. So where as before I had a BMI over 40 and a few comorbities which would have had me ok for surgery with a BMI of 35, now after my last doctor check. My blood Pressure was normal 123/72, not the crazy 169/90 it was running before. I am off all my hypertension medications, EKG normal, and my blood sugar is normal where it was on the line of being scary before. It is amazing how much better I feel getting the first 57 pounds off. Now I am almost half to my goal weight-another 64 pounds to be at a normal BMI. Glad I got my band.