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Now that I am in the week before surgery, my family who is very supportive, has shared there fears and concerns with my about the procedure I am electing to have. They have made it a point to make sure I know how much they love me no matter what I weigh. This week I am having to reassure them, that I am making a very educated choice, not just because of a jean size, but for my future health. I have a great surgeon who will be doing her best for a great outcome. I know there is always a fear regarding any medical procedures, I'm just going to have to rely on God to see me through. Only 5 nights to go, I'm so anxious, I hope these nights go by fast because I can't think of anything else. Just have to get through 2 more days of work, pray I can keep my head in the game!

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I was super excited to fit into this shirt I haven't been able to wear for awhile and these size 18 (no W after it!) pants from Walmart (those I had to stretch out last night by doing the fun lunging and squatting I was working with some young kids releasing butterflies and one of the other teachers took this nice shot. If you compare it to my profile picture you can see I've lost weight in the face.

So my order of suger free syrops came and my father was over visting and he draged the box in and he said good god why would you need these how long do you plan to stay on this deit. to my answer the rest of my life you don't go and do a band so i can go back to eating cheese bugers and frise i said i did this becuse it was my last chance i done deits and i can't do them they never work. This is they way i need to live for the rest of my life do you think i would go though sugery to have a band inplanted just so i could go back to doing what i was doing. I said this is not a magic bullit this is my tool it give me some control that i need. To wich my dad repled so you never going to eat five guys again becuse i went in and they have your faviorts the bacon dubble cheese buger and your cherry coke and there firse you know how much you love those firse.. Other freind said this is just one more crazy deit your always doing crazy deits. She said rember the blood type on the Grapefuit one or how about jenny craig or nutrosymtims she said you never succed with crazy deit no way you can succed now This is my life and you have to get mad to want to change it. One of my freinds who was larger like me we used to joke around about food and make jokes about her weight one day she droped dead of a massive heart attack leaving 4 kids she was just 40 years old. I don't want my family to live with out me I vowed to my self at her furnral that i would do something so my family would not be standing there. I keeped that promice and plan to. So yes i do plan to live like this my whole life It make me think about the relationships i have it maybe time to change the ones that are not going to work for me now. I know longer can be made to feel better with food. I know that it will not slove any of my problems. Some pepole in my life need to be cut out of my life becuse they liked me better and want to keep me fat this will not work any more

Surgery this morning. We got to the hospital about 8:30 this morning. They started getting me prepped for surgery right away. I went in to the OR about 11:15 or so. And was home by 3 pm. My husband and mother were at the hospital with me. I even walk out of the hospital on my own. The gas pain is the worst in my upper chest area. It hurt to take in a deep breath. I have been up and walking around with very little difficulties.

Hi Everyone, Well at last I have managed to get myself a little more co-ordinated and am now doing the step plus daily. Before you ask, yes I am still a klutz, with two left feet and no sense of direction. But, now I am a klutz with two left feet, no sense of direction and able to move that bit faster and longer than before. Yea! I have also had a small move on the scales (very small) I have lost another 1/4 lb. Pathetic isn't it. However, I am hoping that this is the start of things moving again. 6 weeks is long enough for any stall. Actually, the extra time and movement with the step plus is already paying off, as this week I have been out with my husband and one of my sons and we have walked miles. Something I would not have been able to do before, so on that front I feel great. I have upped the jogging to ten minutes at a time now. The first time I did ten minutes I thought I would die, but it does get easier, although I don't think I will ever really enjoy running. Never mind. Walking in general is so much easier and is my preferred choice of exercise. I am still eating well and carefully, making good choices although I did succumb to a square of my husband's chocolate bar the other night. (it was lovely). I am just loving being able to eat any vegetable and any fruit now. I still can't eat a great deal of salad but that's ok. I enjoy what I do have. The weather here is improving and I am really looking forward to barbecue season. Lots of lovely protein and all alfresco to boot. I don't go back for another weigh in until June, so I hope I can shift a bit of weight by then. I saw on this site someone managed to lose 90 lbs in just ten weeks. Wow, I was absolutely amazed, and then completely green with envy. Then I figured I don't know how much she weighed at the start, whether she lost any weight on a pre op diet and countless other bits of information that will have had an effect on her weight loss and on mine. We are all individuals, our bodies react differently, and I just have to accept that mine will do it's own thing in it's own sweet time. (sigh). Don't you just hate the fact that it used to be sooooooooo much easier to put on weight than lose it. At least during my stall I never gained any weight, and that is a first!!! Before the sleeve I would most definately have gained weight in that five/six weeks. So I may be slow, (lets face it, there is no maybe about it!) but I am heading in the right direction. I just have to keep on going. So to all other slow losers, keep on keeping on Phoenix

Wednesday will be the one month anniversary of being sleeved....what a wild, crazy trip it's been! As of yesterday, I am 30lbs down from the weight I was on sleeve day, which is pretty damn good given the circumstances. I still have abdominal edema from my portal vein clot, which is making clothing an interesting proposition. I can now barely button pants I wore pre-op, but the thighs and butt are loose...it's just that pesky abdomen full of fluid! I appear to have also lost some breast tissue, which is an annoyance. I have a job interview today and tried on my normal interview dress: almost too tight in the middle, hanging odd on the top ( I don't fill it out at well!). Makes me look like pregnant potato, but it will have to suffice. Food has been a hot topic this week. For 8 days, I hung out between 269-270lbs on the scale. Then two nights ago, we were at the movies and I broke down and tried popcorn...and found that Cthulu Jr likes it....a lot! All told I had about 1/2 a cup over a period of 2 hours. But the odd part was, in the past I would not have been discerning. I would have eaten any old kernel that ended up my hand. This time, I found myself hunting through the bag for those perfect salty, buttery, seasoned, puffy pieces - and rejecting any other imperfect tidbits. Very satisfying. Next morning I get on the scale....and bam! 266. Excellent. Today I had one thick, perfect piece of Boars Head Mesquite Turkey Breast lunch meat....delicious. CJ found this palatable as well. Yesterday I had a single saltine cracker with my chili at lunch, and it added that crunch that I had been craving. Not the best nutritionally, but it has forstalled my decent into total insanity for yet another week. This time last week, I remarked to my dear husband that I was afraid to try new foods. I was pretty much stuck with tuna, chili (blended), mashed potato, and refried beans. But I finally realized that I can't live like that forever and I had to move past my fear. Relearning how to eat has been scary. I don't want to be that woman who at 6 months post-op is back to eating a ton of junk. But I am one of those people who had this surgery not so I could live my life on terrible tasting synthetic protein foods...but so I could live as a 'normal' person. So I could eat sensibly 90% of the time, but still nibble on a sliver of cake at my best friend's wedding, or have the occasional bite of a Cinnabon. Today has been the first day since April 16th that I have not regretted this surgery. I am hoping that the days that follow are much the same.