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Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW! "GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie

I came home today, tired and exhausted from work. My to be brought some fried chicken home.....I ate a piece and was upset with myself from breaking down into the temptation of that oily greasy delicous piece of meat....;I instantly got up and started sewing (yes making my wedding guest gifts and loving every moment of it).... all of the sudden I broke out with a huge giggle, which turned into hysterical laughter....realizing I ate one piece of chicken....just one...not half the bird...not twenty wingettes.....just the wing......i made a huge step...I ate....i walked away realizing that this is not what i wanted or needed....and i found something to take me away....and it was almost effortlessly..... Im still grinning .....It feels wonderful to find triumph even in a mistake......

Okay, so its been a rough day. Of course the first thing I want to do is sit on the couch with a glass of wine and a ton of carbs. But no, Instead I am online and reading how other people make the choices everyday to live a healthy and active lifestyle...so I have a choice. I can sit here and feel sorry for my "bad" day or I can hit the gym. I had my sleeve done on 2/17/12. So far I have lost 57.8 lbs. Of course I want it to be 75 lbs...but hey its going down and that is what matters. Somehow I have to learn how to control using food as my "friend" when nobody else is around. So I just downloaded a few new songs to my ipod and headed to the gym at 845pm. Wish me luck!! LOL

Dear 200's and my 20's, I have been with both of you for ten years. We have been through a lot. I made a list: -Met my husband -9/11 -My husband being overseas -Graduating with my Bachelors -My father suffering a stroke in his brain stem -Getting married -Moving across the country -Buying a house -Having my handsome son -Moving back home -My son having a gran mal seizure in my arms, and starting a rollar coaster of appointments and specialists -Having my beautiful daughter -Buying another house -Experencing the fear of my father undergoing an aorta replacement and triple bypass surgery -My son being seizure and medication free -Having ankle surgery -Witnessing someone pass away -Suffering from a blood clot -Graduating with my Master's -Having lapband surgery that has and will continue to change my life forever We have been through so much over the past decade, and even though some times were amazing and life changing, I am ready to move on and start a new chapter. I am 3 weeks from 30 and 1.5lbs away from 199, and I can't help that them happening at the same time is a sign. A sign that I am ready to begin my new life with my husband and kids, and experience life healthier and happier with my friends and family. So Good-bye 200's and my 20's, it has been real, but it is time I move on. Amanda

One key stroke and I lost everything I wrote! I forgot to save as I was typing. Oh well, I was just explaining how I realize that today I may be drinking my last coca-cola forever. I only drink cokes when things rub me the wrong way at work (it's the equivalent of the old 3 martini lunch for me) Fortunately, this doesn't happen often. I haven't had a coke since January. Now, unless I'm going to start going through a rough patch at work I may (cross my fingers) be sleeved by my next bad day! Coke is going to be out of the question. Nursing my problems with food and drink are a thing of the past. I have to figure out satisfying ways that comfort me but that do not involve food. I've done a lot of work on why I eat and recognizing how I sabotage myself but I've never been able to substitute walks, lipsticks, etc for food. Things change and I am designating this drink as my last coke no matter what. Once I have my date, I will follow every damn rule I'm given and that means no carbonation. So I might as well start now, I know I wont be perfect but I'm going to try. So, I raise my can to say goodbye to Coca-Cola, we had a good run! Maybe I'll suck on a lemon next time I'm mad with the world like I did when I was a kid...

Wednesday will be the one month anniversary of being sleeved....what a wild, crazy trip it's been! As of yesterday, I am 30lbs down from the weight I was on sleeve day, which is pretty damn good given the circumstances. I still have abdominal edema from my portal vein clot, which is making clothing an interesting proposition. I can now barely button pants I wore pre-op, but the thighs and butt are loose...it's just that pesky abdomen full of fluid! I appear to have also lost some breast tissue, which is an annoyance. I have a job interview today and tried on my normal interview dress: almost too tight in the middle, hanging odd on the top ( I don't fill it out at well!). Makes me look like pregnant potato, but it will have to suffice. Food has been a hot topic this week. For 8 days, I hung out between 269-270lbs on the scale. Then two nights ago, we were at the movies and I broke down and tried popcorn...and found that Cthulu Jr likes it....a lot! All told I had about 1/2 a cup over a period of 2 hours. But the odd part was, in the past I would not have been discerning. I would have eaten any old kernel that ended up my hand. This time, I found myself hunting through the bag for those perfect salty, buttery, seasoned, puffy pieces - and rejecting any other imperfect tidbits. Very satisfying. Next morning I get on the scale....and bam! 266. Excellent. Today I had one thick, perfect piece of Boars Head Mesquite Turkey Breast lunch meat....delicious. CJ found this palatable as well. Yesterday I had a single saltine cracker with my chili at lunch, and it added that crunch that I had been craving. Not the best nutritionally, but it has forstalled my decent into total insanity for yet another week. This time last week, I remarked to my dear husband that I was afraid to try new foods. I was pretty much stuck with tuna, chili (blended), mashed potato, and refried beans. But I finally realized that I can't live like that forever and I had to move past my fear. Relearning how to eat has been scary. I don't want to be that woman who at 6 months post-op is back to eating a ton of junk. But I am one of those people who had this surgery not so I could live my life on terrible tasting synthetic protein foods...but so I could live as a 'normal' person. So I could eat sensibly 90% of the time, but still nibble on a sliver of cake at my best friend's wedding, or have the occasional bite of a Cinnabon. Today has been the first day since April 16th that I have not regretted this surgery. I am hoping that the days that follow are much the same.

I looked up my claims from my surgery... $2712.00 for the anesthesia - contracted insurance rate $1368 - $0 patient liability $38,378.25 for the surgery - contracted insurance rate $11,786.35 - $250 patient liability - I take offense to them charging $2980 of that (contracted: $934) for "accomodations". I've stayed in crapass hotels that were nicer accomodations. The surgery itself is $10,482.50 (contracted: $3287.75). The same surgery that people have to cross the border to get done because their insurance won't cover it. The contracted is (in this case) being covered in full by my insurance. The contracted amount probably wouldn't even cover the cost of the plane tickets and accomodations. Because this is normally a situation where I would use a lot of profanity, I will just say that it isn't fair and that it makes me sad. I mean, the differences between the contractual amount and what they actually charge is astronomical. And if people with insurance couldn't get an authorization approved, why can't they be charged the contractual amount to make self pay an actual option? I am LUCKY that I have good insurance. And I am so happy that I rarely have to use it. Speaking of my health insurance, I'm even luckier that my employer pays for the bulk of my insurance. My job is monotonous and boring, but it's a hell of a company. Today, Day 14, was my first day back at that monotonous and boring life suck. Now, since I've had my surgery, I've had puckering at the incision site where the tools were inserted. I don't know what the hell it is (well...was) - it was painful, it was where I thought my port was (that, ironically, doesn't hurt at ALL), and it looked like a doughy bellybuttony (yes, I know that's not a word) abyss. Today, I was at work and I bent at the waist while sitting down to pick something up (I kinda forgot that I shouldn't do that quite yet) and I felt a popping feeling and then the dent was gone. There's no bleeding, no bruising and less pain than there was before. I called my surgeon's office and they said that it sounds like I popped a stitch, but since it's not bleeding, bruising or tender/hot to the touch, that it should heal itself. I ended up leaving my first day back at work two hours early. I was just overwhelmed with all of the change that took place in the two weeks that I was gone, and then the popping feeling - which I could not find JACK about on google - I worried myself sick and went home. On the way home, I almost trusted a fart that wasn't. I called my friend and told her that. New life rule: never trust a fart. I went to GNC yesterday and got this SUPER ULTRA MEGA PROTEIN SHAKE (not sure of the exact name and I'm too lazy to go and look). 12oz water + 3 scoops = 160 calories, 60g of protein. The guy working at GNC was shifty looking, though. Kind of like Draco Malfoy. Yeah, I wasn't sure where I was going with this. I'm doing pureed foods now (sort of - mostly the stuff on the list that's already pureed or can be mashed like whitefish or tuna), tolerating everything. I bought cottage cheese to try again, because the first time I tried it, I thought it was gross and vocalized that to my sister. I will not repeat what I said because it was SO gross, but I figure maybe it's an acquired taste. If not, I'm just confirming that I don't like cottage cheese. Yeah, I think I need to go to bed.

well after 2 long years of struggling i am finnaly back on track and the weight is flying off, when i stepped on the scale today i am so happy to say i am 101 pounds down!!!! cant wait 20 more pounds and i will be in onderland!!!!!