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I thought I covered what type of blog I was writing in my first one. But, apparently, not everyone reads all the entries. So, from now on I think I am going to have to do the following. *******DISCLAIMER!!!!! What you are about to read is to be taken lightly. It's goal is to make you smile, laugh, and hopefully see the funny side of going through weight loss surgery. This blog is in no way my feeble attempt to get advice (unless I ask for it), or to be told what I am doing or saying is wrong. We are all different. We all heal differently. We all experience different things. With all this in mind, please enjoy my take on life after the sleeve. I hope it helps make your day just a little bit easier and happier. ********* Now that all that is out of the way. I feel the need to talk about the looks I've been getting from people when I tell them I've had weight loss surgery. I actually find the looks funny. For example. Today I went to GNC to see if I could find some type of protein drink that I can actually handle. When I went in, I got attacked by the vulture (aka the sales man). So, I proceed to explain to him that I had weight loss surgery and I was looking for a protein that I could handle (and that tasted good). It was interesting to see the look on his face when I said the surgery thing. It was only a split second or two, but it was obvious that he did not approve of my surgery. Not that I asked or wanted his approval. All I wanted him to do was help me find some protein I could handle. So, I ignored him and followed him around the store as he explained to me how, everything "tastes amazing". I know not to trust sales people, but really, EVERYTHING??? I highly doubt that. We are talking about protein and I have rarely met a protein that I found "yummy". So, after he promised me I would "love" this one brand, I decided to throw him off his game. I asked if he had samples or if they sold them per bottle. I refused to buy a whole thing of them only to get home and find out I didn't like it. So again, the sly fox of a salesman pulled this one on me, "No, we don't. However, I will give you this bottle if you PROMISE not to tell my manager. I really am not allowed to do this." I actually laughed at him as I saw the bottles behind the counter that they used for such an occasion.. Did he really think I was going to buy that line? Well, as shocking as it sounds, it really wasn't that bad. It's called GNC Total Lean, Lean Shake. It has 25g of protein, 2g of sugar, 3g of fiber (which I really need but more on that later), total fat 6g, and 170 calories. I had to taste it warm and I was able to stand it so I am sure once it's ice cold, it will be much better. As a whole, the unapproving, over zealous salesman did a good job. And, he gave me the first, "I don't agree with your decision" look since my surgery which I kind of enjoyed in a strange way. Next I headed to Walgreens. I needed a fiber supplement and I needed one fast. Not to give TMI, but my first number 2 after 9 days and two things of Miralax, was more like the number 2 of a VERY LARGE rabbit. It wasn't fun passing, and as soon as I was done, I was ready to find a way for that not to happen again. After staring at all my options for a good 15mins, I finally gave up and went to talk to the pharmacist. I proceeded to tell her my issue and included that I had the gastric sleeve and because i was unable to get much food in, my fiber was almost non-existing. There is was again....that LOOK. She took a little longer to recover than the GNC guy (if she did at all). Even while she was telling me about what fiber would be my best option, she was unable to hide her disapproval of my decision. So it was right then, in Walgreens that I decided. Screw YOU....SCREW ALL OF YOU who think you have any idea what I have gone through, or why I decided to do this. No one asked for your approval or disapproval so don't give it. And, if you do give it, be prepared for me to tell you I don't really care what you think. I did this for me. I did it for my health. I did it for my medical reasons. No, it's not easy. No, I couldn't just eat less and exercise. I've tried that. It didn't work. So, keep your two cents and I promise I won't judge you on your attitude (which sucks) , your clothing (I don't care what the magazines say, you do not look good in overly tight jeans and five inch heals), your hair (1980 called and they want their puffy bangs back) , your makeup (yes, it looks good on models, but you are not a model and you you didn't have a professional do it) , your marriage (don't lie and say you have a perfect marriage, we all know your spouse is not "running errands", he/she is running around on you), your children (a rough patch is a few months or back-talking not years of getting arrested and being pregnant at 12) ....or any other decision you've made or thing you've had happen during your life. If you don't want to be judged, DO NOT JUDGE. Now, before I get attacked for children/marriage/clothing/hair/attitude thing. I know there are always other issues at play. I was just using these as examples of things people do talk about and look down at others for. Funny thing is, people will not be as blunt with their feelings with those people as they are with me for having weight loss surgery. And my decision is one to help me and make me healthier. Doesn't something just sound wrong with that?

Yippee! I can't believe I am down 16 pounds in 2 weeks. I feel so much lighter and like I take up less room in my car, at my desk, everywhere...lol The best NSV for me is that I am officially off ALL 3 of my blood pressure medications as well as my cholesterol meds. I have another 70 pounds to go to get to goal but I am so happy to have already lost 30 pounds post and pre-op. If there has been any downside to this process it would have to be the emotional process of letting go of food as a coping mechanism. I've had a few rough days where I had to realize that I would no longer be able to use food to alleviate stress or combat feelings of negativity. I've replaced that tendency with art journaling instead. Now instead of reaching for a bite of something bad for me I will grab my art journal, some paint, paper, stamps etc. and journal everything I am feeling at the moment and when I am done I feel such a release. It has been especially helpful to go back and re-read those entries when I am no longer in that moment of distress and can see things more clearly. I've learned a lot about myself and about what got me fat in the first place in just these 2 short weeks. I had another notable NSV when I inadvertantly leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs with ease while visiting with friends. I was so shocked when I realized what I had done that I had to pretend I was still listening to the conversation while I was actually celebrating and having a dance party in my mind...lol My husband has been very supportive of me even if he doesn't fully understand what the hell I have had done with the surgery...poor guy is clueless but glad to have his support nonetheless. Many thank you's to everyone here on the forum for being sources of motivation, inspiration, dedication, discipline and hope.

The fat girl inside me is SCREAMING to be fed junk food. I've all sorts of thoughts running through my head. I've thought that today was going to be a day to indulge in some sweet and chocolaty goodies. I was first going to go to a local bakery and get a couple things. Then I shifted to baking a recipe I found on Pintrest. I even pulled up that recipe and gawked at the pictures. Oh, that website is the devil!!! This mental stuff is the worst. In my 34 years of living, it's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. And I've dealt with some pretty hard ish. As have we all, right? I'm sure I'll make it through the day w/o caving. I just ate a banana with peanut butter. More than 2 tbsp, but eating it is a 1000% better than what I REALLY wanted to eat, so I'm not going to stress myself. I really do look forward to the day when food doesn't consume most of the space in my mind.

So it has now been one month since my surgery. The last few weeks have been rough. I ended up getting really sick. I got strep throat and dehydrated. I am stubborn and did not go to the Doc for a week so I did not get on antibiotics for a full week. So I was sick for about 2 weeks. I was sooo dehydrated I got a charlie horse in my calves everytime I took a step. I was thankful that I was still off of work from the surgery. I started feeling better about 7 days ago and I am back on track. I started the treadmill version of the couch to 5k workout. I did all of week 1 (3 days) and I did 4 days of Zumba. On the food front I am struggling. I AM SOOO HUNGRY! My first fill is on Tuesday, and I cannot wait. I did go to weigh in today and I am down a total of 37 lbs. So that does feel good. I also unpacked clothes that were boxed up due to being way too tight. So now I have a few more pairs of pants to wear. I go back to work next Wednesday, the day after my first fill.

So I'm feeling overwhelmed. And I feel like my last two blogs this week have a whiney tone to them, my apologies. Considering I spoke with the dr's wife who does the nutritionist counseling for him and explained to her that my tummy contorts whenever I eat anything pureed at first and if I drink 1/4 of an oz of liquid, it helps... she told me I might have a stricture. You know just whenever pneumonia and a leak and abscess weren't enough ... now I worry I have a stricture. Let's hope that's not the case because if it is, IDK how I'm going to ever regain my confidence back. Oh lawd, here's that baby again. Ok big girl panties, I wanted to post something more solid, more positive. So I have a book that I'm going to post something from. The book is called "Small Bites: Daily Inspirations for WLS Patients" and it's by Katie Jay and Julia Persing. I borrowed it from the bariatric nurse edjucator from the hospital. Set your angel free When you decided to have WLS, were you longing to set free something inside you? Obesity had hidden your true self from view. You longed to reveal the inner you. So, each day WLS has chipped away at your exterior. Michaelangelo said "I saw the angel in the stone and carved until I set him free." Yet at the end of his first day, the rock still looked like...... a rock. Only slowly did it become the beautiful creation that was locked within. As you lose weight, you will change many times, you will wake up mornings and not recognize the thinner face that has replaced the rounded one. In time, with consistency, effort, and a firm vision, you will release your angel within. Set aside a few quiet moments and visualize the inner you - your inner angel. In your mind, embrace that vision, talk to it, and plan together how your inner angel can help you remain steadfast.