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I am really really glad I found a post to share my lap-band surgery experience. I thought about creating a personal blog, but felt it would lack the support from other lap-band patients. So here goes everything: I had my surgery on 10/31/2011. Halloween. Barely had time to grab halloween costumes for my boys-who have been super supportive of mommies post surgery needs-as supportive as 7 and 9 years olds can be:) Surgery went great, post 3-4 days was as painful as abdominal surgery is expcted to be and by day 6-7, I was feeling much much better. I took a three week leave from work which was great to get rest, adjust to the eating routine and just be stress-free to truly focus on recovering. I hated being on the liquid diet for what...4 weeks? That was hard as hell. But by my 3 week appt I had dropped 11 pounds. I started at 256lbs. Im currently at 239 which is a little frustrating for me. But I defintely notice what many weightloss surgery folks notice....my clothes are all big. I was wearing an 18-20 pre surgery and purchased my first size 14 pants a couple of weeks ago. All of my old pants, whether jeans or dress pants, are big on me. I'm wearing my old bra's and buying size large sweats versus extra large. So I'm not too concerned about the scale, but it's frustrating and that's maybe because 256 and even at 239, it's the heaviest I have ever been. I've had one fill and can't recall how many cc's I received, but I have another fill coming on 4/25/2012-which will be 4 months after my last fill. I can certainly feel the restriction. But I do get hungry in between. Now I have a hard time eating the following foods (which is not a bad thing): rice, bread, eggs, pasta, and grilled chicken unless it's extremely tender. Can't eat fast even if I want too! It will come right back up and keeps me in constant control of how I eat which is fantastic. I buy less groceries, I order less when I go out. If I do eat too fast, the pain is a good reminder to not do it again. I was advised during my last nutrion visit to not count calories. They want to know how I do and how I feel just by eating and go about my daily routine. So that's what I've been doing. One constant that I still deal with? Finding time to exercise! The size of my stomach changed (the little band anyway), but my normal every day schedule has not! I'm determined to make this work for me and again, I can physically see that results are possible so I'm not giving up my fight to use this tool I've been given. Especially since the post surgery pain is still fresh in my mind:)

Wow!! Today marks a 50 lb loss...the most I have ever lost in one sitting...and the weight continues to melt away....I am excited when I meet up with friends and family who havn't seen me in a while who compliment me on how thin my face looks and even my own brother says he can see the loss in my waist line.... Easter was a challenging day! I got up early and quickly whipped up 3 pumpkin pies and a chocolate cream pie. I put the big ole' ham in the oven to bake with a brown sugar mustard glaze like all the family loves. I baked up a sweet potatoe and defiled it with butter brown sugar and marshmellows. we did not have a turkey as we were at my daughters and this is what she had to prepare. I make a green bean cassarole and stuffing and a fruit salad, I peeled 5 lbs of potatoes and made mashed taters...and when it was all place in the buffet line for all to go thru, I took a teaspoon of everything and managed to finish most of it before feeling the satisfaction of eating Easter Dinner with my family as I always had in the past. I did skip the pies and the amazing desert buffet my sister in law had prepared but everyone else was able to indulge. Easter was a success! I did not lose any weight over the holiday, however I did not gain any either.

So I am 4 days post op and I am feeling really guilty. I keep reading all these posts from people who are losing mass amounts of weight and I feel like I should be out there running marathons and exercising to the point of exhaustion. I walked around the block once tonight with my husband and we did it fairly quickly and thought that was an accomplishment but now im not feeling that way at all. I have been adhering to my liquid diet and I guess im just worried that I will not lose weight like everyone else is doing. Am I the only one who feels this way or am I alone in this boat? I want to be successful at this since I went through the surgery and made a conscious effort to change my life. I just dont think I can dedicate as much time as some people do to working out. I have 6 children that keep me busy as it is. Sigh. I feel like im just being lazy and it's making me feel very bad about myself.

I have went for 260 to 218 yea working it out.

Today was a fantastic day off and I got a bunch done. While my liquid diet officially starts on the 18th I've decided to start meal replacing now so that my the 18th I will only have to stop eating 1 meal instead of 3. I made some chicken broth today (it's pretty good) and cleaned my house. For some reason I feel this nesting instinct and have been cleaning like a mad woman. My apartment does look great though.... I was talking to a fellow surgery sisters and asked if she ever walked around looking at different bodies and wished she could take a butt from that lady, the legs from another, the stomach of a third and build the body she would have after surgery. Frankly, I've been playing Mrs. Potato Head, or Dr Frankenstein, like crazy lately. There was a lightening storm last week and I kept looking around waiting for Igor to show up! While part of me wishes the next two weeks could fly by, another part of me is actually enjoying the entire process and wanting to 'live in the moment'. So here's a question: The USA has a very high obesity rate, but has anybody ever noticed that the 'normal' size clothes take up 2/3 of the space while the plus size gets shoved into a dark, dank corner? I want to shop in the normal section and not feel like I should be saying "Oh, I'm looking for somebody else, not for me *cue uncomfortable laugh*." Not only that, but I can't WAIT to be able to easily find clothes that are not button down, breast pocketed, striped shirts. Or frumpy. Or only in dark colors. Or with crazy grandma's floral print curtains pattern. I want to wear bright colors, with shirts that may be *gasp!* made of a thin silky material that clings to my body and doesn't show a muffin top. I want some knee high boots and some skinny jeans. I want to wear sundresses and tank tops without my arms looking bad. And dear god I want a pair of leather pants to go clubbing in! I miss dancing at clubs... One thing I wonder is if losing weight will make me look older. Now, don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate not looking my age. Not only does my mom's family always tend to age well, but with my round and chubby face I get told I look like I could be in college. I turn 30 in six months. Has anybody else run into this where they either looked younger or looked older after the surgery? While I don't want to suddenly look older than my years, it might be nice to not get carded going into rated R movies. Or have bartenders look at my license like it's a fake. On the flip side I rake it in at the county fairs where they guess your age, especially if I don't wear makeup and put my hair in a ponytail. *amused* Okay, babbling over and now it's off to finish laundry. I keep wishing that I will wake up someday and have had a brownie (the mythological creature who did housework and other chores in exchange for milk and bread) move in and start doing the chores for me! Dishes and laundry are such a pain. Toodles, and I hope everybody has a great weekend! -Lyra

Well yesterday out of pure want to i tried on my wedding dress from 2009. I put on the slip that wouldn't stay up with out a fight, i put the suckeriner bra thing on that i didn't need extenders for any more and i gracefully stepped into my wedding dress that was about six sizes too big. As i thought back to my wedding day i thought about before the wedding the scared feelings that excitement then i remembered thinking what am i going to look like in the pics? I thought omg call off the wedding im a cow. But i said oh well im not going to change in one day so lets get this over with. Needless to say i hated all the pics of my wedding that had me in them. And now here i am about three years later in the same dress thinking damn i wish i would have been this skinny the day of my wedding. And that makes me think should i sell this dress and buy a new one with the money i get from the old one and do it again lol or maybe just take all the pictures again. But here is the thing that was me. And my husband married me for me not for what i looked like but me. Im still the same person there is just less of me. And my husband seems to love me just as much as he did the day we said "I DO" so sitting in that dress made me realize that i was happy about the wedding and the wedding pics after all. So i pulled the dress off and i hung it up and that is where it is going to stay if for nothing else but a reminder that even fat i was still beautiful to someone. Its so easy to think that once you are looking cute that you were just ugly before and that everyone saw your ugliness but you. but really your only as pretty as you make your self out to be. I know most all Americans don't see it this way but this is how it should be. It really doesn't matter what you look like on the outside what matters the most is how you are on the inside. You can be the most beautiful person on the out side but if the inside is nothing but rotten it make you not look so beautiful after all. Any ways i realized that im the same person i have always been nothing really changed but my outside shell. And that is something to smile about. And now im not treated like an ogar but treated like the person i always thought that i was but no one could see but me and my husband who made it very clear that i was always beautiful to him. And once i stoped hatting myself and could see that the more beautiful i have become no one is ugly because they are fat and no one should hate themselves because they are fat that should love the person that they are. And if at the end of the day you can love the fat you as well as the new you then its a good day. So for that i want to say thank you to the most loving man i have ever met.

Hi, I have decided to make an effort to blog some of my journey to keep me grounded. I have a track record of giving up and I feel so determined today to change. I'm having my gastric band operation on Monday 23rd April. I feel so emotional about everything. I'm a bit of a wreck to be honest. I have allowed my weight to hold me back for so long it's like I'm mourning my lost years. I'm 28 and I have already waited too long to get the band. It's like I kept telling myself that I could do it alone, I'd daydream and imagine but the reality never came true. I loathe my body. I loathe myself to be honest. To the outside world I hide it to a certain extent but what I have noticed over the past year or more is that my weight is actually drowning my personality and has made me quite bitter. I have become quite negative and it pains me to admit that I am this person. i wule love to be happy go lucky and easygoing without over analysing every social situation and feeling paranoid and aware of myself ALL the time. Even with my closest friends and family, when I'm just sitting there, I'm at myself, fixing myself, tugging myself, looking at my stomach, wondering are they looking at it, worrying bout my huge double chin. Conscious of how I'm perceived. I worry that I wil never change and that I'm destined to live a miserable life. I do also realise I sound very dramatic and I know that I have the capability to change. Chatting with a friend las night I articulated my feelings quite well out of nowhere, I know what I need to change, I can take a step back and look from the outside in as if I was advising a best friend or loved one. I know what needs to be done but actually being in my shoes and having to follow through on a daily basis makes this mammoth task seem impossible. I have serious self doubt. I don't know if I actually possess the will power to follow through with this challenge. I'm good at talking the talk but I need support to help me on my way. Looking at other people's blogs and video diaries helps- but I can't seem to visualise myself at the other end. I am on day 4 of a liquid diet, not shakes etc, mainly soups, low fat custard, yogurts, sugar free jelly, lots of fluid, and mushy cereal for breakfast. While I have known for some time this 2 week liquid diet would come I am disgusted with myself for having cheated very badly on day 2- there were lots of Easter eggs around the house and I got hold of one. That's the worst part is that everyone around me is still eating very badly. There is huge temptation in the house. My parents are here for another week or so and then I will resume autonomy of what food comes into the house. I had cleared the place out but working abroad and being on leave home means the others are in holiday mode- this very holiday mode is the reason such bad habits exist in my family unit. I am realising more and more that I will need to find my own way in the middle of all this because their habits are not going to change. Take always, convenience food, coca cola, junk, crisps, bread, with the occasional nice healthy meal or fruit smoothie binges- that's been my life and It's so hard to break a lifetime of bad habits. I hope that at least some of what I say resonates with some of you. I would really appreciate some encouragement and feedback. I do feel like my biggest challenge will be addressing my psychological dependence on food. Hope I haven't gone on too much. Thanks for reading