Leaderboard

Over the last week or so I've immersed myself into TedTalks, a yearly convention that is the brain and spirit trust that shows both the absolute best and worst of humanity. It combines science, art, music, humor, and every other aspect that makes us human. It's been inspiring on so many levels, and it has also caused me to really think. One of the talks was on shame and vulnerability, why we feel them, and how those feelings (and how we deal with them) are important to our lives. I know that for myself I dealt with those emotions by reaching for the cookie box or eating way too much food. I think a lot of people who know me think that I'm an open person because I like to laugh and joke around. Yet I definitely have some very tall, very large boundaries as I am, at heart, a rather private person. This journey has really been a struggle for me because it makes me uncomfortable to be vulnerable in front of others. To go to the doctor and say, "I need this surgery. That I cannot lose weight on my own and will only continue to gain." To go to my best friends with confidence (all the while feeling shame) and tell them that I am getting this surgery. To realize that shame was illogical, but to feel it anyway. Two of my closest friends sat down with me to talk about why I decided to do this. I could see that my normal flippant responses wouldn't work, and that they were important enough to me to try and be as open as possible. God, it was hard, though. So very, very hard. I think I would rather run through the streets naked rather than open up emotionally like that. The results, though, were that they understood and now are really supportive. My surgery of April 25th is quickly approaching, and I realize how much I really want things to change. I want to stand at my 30th birthday in November and look back and realize that not only am I healthier and have started a more active life...but I also want to be a more emotionally open person. Kinder, more compassionate, and more honest with myself and others. I'm not really sure how to do that but I guess that's part of the journey. Either way, it's gonna be a hell of a ride.

Well it has been 12 days since I was banded. Yesterday was a bit hard. I was hurting really bad yesterday, where the port is. Is it supposed to still be hurting this bad??? Also My doc told me to keep the port cover at all times (i still have staples in) but the bandages are killing my skin. Maybe thats why it hurts so bad??? Yesterday was my family bbq and it went great. That morning honestly being "the fat girl" I am I was sad that I would not be eating EVERYTHING that was there. I was sad because I was making homemade cupcakes and mac n cheese to take but that I would not be able to eat them. But once I got there and had everyone asking me about my surgery and how I was feeling, they couldnt believe how much weight I had already lost it made me feel so much better. So instead of eating all the bad crap that was there I ate grilled chicken and it was yummy. And this morning I felt even better when I got on the scale and im down13 lbs!!!!

Well tomorrow is my sleeve day. I am getting nervous about the surgery since I've never had major surgery before. My surgery is scheduled for 9am I have to be at the hospital by 7. This site has been so fantastic thanks to everyone for sharing there stories.

Going back to work was a lot harder than I thought. My job requires that I travel to local site 2-3 times a week and sometimes I would forget my lunch so I had to eat out. But I think I have finally adjusted. I hate to admit it but I had buyer's remorse up until week 6. Three things happened...(1) I was able to get into a size 14, (2) I was able to drink 50 oz of water and didn't have dry mouth any more and (3) my husband told me that he was going to go through the surgery as well. Eating is better too. So today I had my 8 week follow up with the nurse and dietition. I am not longer under any restriction. I can have strawberries, nuts, and drink through a straw. YAY!!!!!! Also, I have lost 43 lbs and I fit into a size 12 comfortably but can squeeze into a size 10. My back no longer hurts. My knees no longer crack. I can run up and down the stairs no problem. I feel great! It was totally worth it. Oh...and my sex life is amazing!!!!! :wub:

Hi guys one week ago today i had my gastric sleeve 111.5kg on day of surgery and today 106.9kg omg no hunger but i need to drink more finding that really hard. I feel great just getting used to everything emotionally hope you guys are all doing well xxxx