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I've been kinda down the past couple of days because I've been seeing the scale either not move at all...or move in the wrong direction. Of course, I'm chalking it up to PMS. You know, water weight and all. I'm also really bad about stepping on the scale every freakin' day. I have to stop that. Instead of going to church today, My son and I stayed at home and watched Dr. Charles Stanley on television. His message today was about waiting on God's best for you. Wow! I needed that reminder. You see, when we don't wait on God...when we move ahead of Him, we step outside of His will and His plan for us. We can wind up hurting ourselves or others. We can get frustrated, distracted or disappointed. But mostly, we lose out on His BEST for us. Sure, whatever we get might be okay or even good. But when we move ahead of Him, we lose out on His BEST. That really hit home for me. Learning to wait, to be patient and knowing that everything, especially this LB journey, takes time. I didn't get my body in this shape overnight, and I'm not going to get it healthy overnight....but I am taking steps to get there. I'm just going to trust Him and this tool He gave me, to get there in just the right amount of time...and stay there this time around! I pray God blesses you all richly and abundantly!

good afternoon all.... I have been upset since being banded I have not seen my scale move more then 3 lbs.... I have been walking miles every day and just not being a couch potatoe at all....eatting all good things...trying not to eat to much of it...but not always good there...but still the scale wont budge...( waiting for my first fill) This morning on the way to church my 10 yr old yells as only a 10 yr old can...WOW MOM YOUR BELLIE DOESN`T TOUCH THE STEERING WHEEL ANY MORE !!! I had to take a moment and smile and rejoice in his excitment and my joy .....God is Good !!! and who needs the scale !

So, just finishing up regular liquids and moving to clear tomorrow. I'm sooo used to starving at this point, so it is much easier. I lost the weight I needed to and then some, so everything is set. My only slip up on my liquids has been that I haven't excercised as much as I would like. I feel so drained that I have a hard time really hitting the cardio. I did do the eliptical for 30 this week. I like to hit at least 3 workouts a week and usually do 4-5. I am going to get in a Zumba class tomorrow though. I think my big struglge this week was going to the movies with friends and having no popcorn or soda. I made it though, and it felt really good to have that small triumph! Well, the next time I blog I will probably be a newly banded person. Yipee!

I don't know why I'm freaking out right now. Maybe because it feels that for the past two months I've been living and breathing VSG surgery and right now I'm in the Insurance Limbo From Hell. Until I hear back from them there is nothing I can do. I really do not like not being in control of my fate. The longer the limbo stretches the crazier the ideas are that pop into my head. On top of work shenanigans (we're super busy) and relationship stress my mind is blowing everything out of proportion. I know that this is what's happening, but still. I've been so busy lately that I feel like I haven't had any time for a healthy outlet that's not work, VSG related, or sleeping! Obviously I have enough problems without having my imagination working overtime! Tonight I was talking to my mom and she said that my dad (who had VSG about 1.5 months ago) is now a terrible cook. He was cooking her dinner but she asked him to stop because it was (in some cases) inedible. Cooking has always been a big part of my family (and obviously a big part of the problem!) and my dad and I LOVE to cook. I adore combining different flavors and just feeding people. I get great enjoyment out of it. This is why I went to culinary school. I have a career based on my ability to bake! So now I'm freaking out that somehow after surgery I will lose my ability to cook/bake. That not only will a huge chunk of my stomach be cut out, but also my culinary ability. I mean, what happens if instead I gain the ability to make anything explode? Next thing you know I'm in the CIA and working in some cesspit and using vanilla extract to blow stuff up only to later be snuffed because I know too much. Okay, so that probably wont happen, but you get the point! It's so stupid to be so worked up over this and to invite trouble before I even have surgery!! Today at work somebody told me that "I'm the spoon that stirs the pot" and that work is so much more interesting and fun when I'm there and that I put other people in a good mood. It made me feel warm and fuzzy...but sad, too. At my last job people were thoughtless and backstabbing and didn't really like me so it really surprises me when people tell me how glad they are that I work with them. I think the correct word is 'baffled'. I worked in that toxic job for so long that I think I started to subconsciously believe that I wasn't a good person. I was stressed all the time and hated life. I've been so happy at my new job but I'm thinking that I need to do something soon to stretch my wings. Teaching would do that but dang, that's a scary thought! Intriguing, but scary! I think right now my emotions are going in every which way and I'm trying really hard for them not to impact upon my relationships. I just want this done and over so I can move on. I LIKE being cheerful and fun. I want to go rock climbing so badly I can taste it! I don't like feeling so discombobulated and out of sorts!! Sheesh, I thought my emotions would be on a roller coaster AFTER the surgery, not before!!

This gets better and better as the days go by! My bmi is now 49.7... Whooo hoooo! I aimed for it to be below 50 by month end and with 8 days to spare I'm down to 308 today. This week was really, really, really did I say really?, STRESSFUL!!!!! There were days when I went up to over 1500 cals and I didn't exercise a single day this week but still I lost. Last night I stepped on the scale and it was still saying 310 and I said to myself at least I did not gain under all that stress. But sure enough when I got on this morning, it gave up the 2lbs. Wheeew! Cause of all the stress this past week, I do appreciate the 2lb loss this week even more than the 5lb last week, plus it did put my bmi under 50 for the first time in almost 10 years!!!! I am also elated over the fact that I can now pull on and off my favourite jeans without unbuttoning them, not to mention how much fun I'm having boasting about my skin 'wings' and having my sons crack up. (They're 10,8 and 2 yrs old .... so cute!) lol My husband is now happy that he's seeing our investment finally working. I secretly giggled when I heard him bragging about the weight his wife has recently lost, to someone on the phone. 44lbs and counting... On my weigh down...

Right before I had my surgery my boyfriend broke up with me. The idea of me losing weight intimidated the life out of him. That was in May of 2011. I had my surgery in August 2011. I have lost 70 pounds. Recently I have been kicking around the idea of getting back on the horse so to speak. I have gone on a few first dates. I have tried to set it up to where we do not eat on these dates. More like a sit and talk and drink coffee date. I honestly have no idea how to explain my decision to a stranger. So far it hasn’t been a problem. To be fair, the guys I have dated so far have been…well let’s just say we haven’t been compatible. I’ve been talking to a new guy lately. I like him. I like him a lot. He is very different from anyone I have ever met. He wants to take me out to dinner. I am nervous about eating in front of him. I thought if I ordered soup maybe it would be okay. But I know from experience that people freak out when they see how little I eat. I dread the idea of his first impression of me. I dread having to explain that I have had VSG. I really like this guy. And to be honest- I am tired of dating. I had pretty much just given up when I met him. He wants to go out next weekend. I am nervous and worried. I like him- I didn’t really like the others.