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This gets better and better as the days go by! My bmi is now 49.7... Whooo hoooo! I aimed for it to be below 50 by month end and with 8 days to spare I'm down to 308 today. This week was really, really, really did I say really?, STRESSFUL!!!!! There were days when I went up to over 1500 cals and I didn't exercise a single day this week but still I lost. Last night I stepped on the scale and it was still saying 310 and I said to myself at least I did not gain under all that stress. But sure enough when I got on this morning, it gave up the 2lbs. Wheeew! Cause of all the stress this past week, I do appreciate the 2lb loss this week even more than the 5lb last week, plus it did put my bmi under 50 for the first time in almost 10 years!!!! I am also elated over the fact that I can now pull on and off my favourite jeans without unbuttoning them, not to mention how much fun I'm having boasting about my skin 'wings' and having my sons crack up. (They're 10,8 and 2 yrs old .... so cute!) lol My husband is now happy that he's seeing our investment finally working. I secretly giggled when I heard him bragging about the weight his wife has recently lost, to someone on the phone. 44lbs and counting... On my weigh down...

Just got back from having my second fill. This time I know better than to try to predict how it will work until it's had time to settle in. Of course I didn't notice any immediate difference (unless you count belching a couple of times within a few minutes of leaving the office, and with the way I belch after being banded, I put no store in that), but I know it will take time for the stomach to adjust to the additional pressure in the band, so for now, I'm just in waiting mode. Waiting and liquids mode today. Waiting and mushies mode tomorrow. Apparently, I am totally average so far according to my surgeon. He said most people lose 3-4 lbs per month the first couple of months until they get a sufficient level of fill. Yup, I'm right there. I told him that unless I ate a cup or more at a time, I was hungry within 2 hours of eating. Totally normal. And I also mentioned that the first fill actually seemed to make a difference for the first week or so, then the noticeable effect went away. Again, that's normal. Good to know that I'm not somehow an oddball for my experiences so far. He gave me the option of choosing between 3 levels of fill: Aggressive = adding 3cc; Moderate = Adding 2.5cc; or Conservative = Adding 2cc. I went with moderate, which brought my total fill up to 5.5cc in an 11cc Realize band. Aside from my anal retentive soul liking the idea of being at exactly half-full, I also felt this was the right decision at this time. Part of me really wanted to go with the aggressive fill, because, hey, it's not like I don't want to lose as much weight as possible as fast as possible, but the larger part of me thinks that if I can make this journey without ever experiencing a stuck episode or the joys of PBing, that would be just fine with me. Also, I'm a bit of a wuss about stomach discomfort; to me, vomiting is the most horrifying experience in the human repertoire, and I dread it for more reasons that just not wanting my band to slip. I'd rather go through just about any type of illness than have to vomit. I mean that. So the idea of going slowly seems to make sense to me. I knew I didn't want to be super conservative, because I get uber-frustrated when I don't lose, but since my surgeon is fine with filling every 3 weeks, I figured I could do 2.5 until then and see where it takes me. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I'm going to go make some soup and pay an inordinate amount of attention to any and every sensation between my neck and my belly button. Because I'm obsessive like that. Duh!

well today makes five weeks for me and i still can't believe that i am on this journey:) i guess it became really real for me when i went back to work this week for the first time since having surgery and everyone seemed to notice my weight loss...i was very shocked by this and a little uncomfortable i must say. when i look in the mirror it all looks the same and i really think it is. i started this journey wanting to lose 80 pounds and i am only down 27 pounds---14 pounds since surgery...not a real huge difference...but they noticed... i am happy this week because i am finally in the 2teens which was the first goal i set for myself! i am 219, but a 2teen none-the-less:) i have been alternating my eating with the pre-op diet this week because i felt that i was stuck, meaning that i hadn't lost weight in two weeks...so M-W-F of this week are pre-op diet type days for me...my next goal is to be in the single digit 2's and then under 200 of course! i don't have dates set to meet these goals...so no pressure...right?! i have still been eating soft meats, cooked veggies, and soft fruits and don't feel any restriction. i actually heard my stomach growling today, but i didn't feel ravished with hunger. i am still focusing on the difference between head and physical hunger...i have caught myself eating when i'm not really hungry and feel horribly guilty...i did this yesterday and was really upset with myself for finishing a whole salad when i was full after eating half:/ overeating a salad...wow! my first fill will be coming up next friday and i am nervous and ready! i am still managing some type of cardio exercise daily and my weight regimen every other day...i have been alternating walking on the treadmill and taking the dog for a walk. there have been quite a few times before i went back to work t hat i would do both. i walk at least 3 miles a day and my best day i walked a little over 8!!! that included a slow walk with the hubby, a walk with the dog, and getting on the treadmill...this weekend i began a mission to buy bikes for me and the hubby and have been on craigslist like crazy...well we hit the jackpot today and got brand new beach cruiser type bikes for a steal. they were in perfect condition and we went riding this evening for 45 minutes and i truly felt like a kid again! it has been over 18 years since i have been on a bike and while i was a little wobbly in the beginning it all came back to me and i was soaring through my neighborhood zipping and zooming down streets that Miles (my dog) and i normally walk! i am so proud of myself (pat-pat) because last summer i barely left the house... life is getting greater and i am feeling fine!! btw way hubby is 8 days post-op and doing wonderful! he walked three miles today and rode bikes with me for 45 minutes:)

About 15 years ago, the insurance my (then) company offered started covering Gastric Bypass Surgery, and multiple co-workers made that choice with hope to improve their lives. I was envious, and curious, and admit that it did cross my mind. But at that time, for whatever reason, I was not ready to make such a life-altering decision. As I learned more about the procedure and the results, I worried about the issues with malabsorption. And years later, when Ann Wilson (from Heart) was open about Lap Band Surgery, I studied up on that process and the results, and found myself turned off by the need to make frequent return visits to the doctor for checks and fills, and the possible complications scared me. Recently, maybe early February, I was checking in on a friend in another state who had Gastric Bypass in December. During our conversation, she told me about a woman she met in her WLS support group who had VSG four days earlier... and she was upright, energetic and feeling great. She told me a little about the difference in this 'new' procedure, and I made a note of what it was called. That night, I started my research. I LOVE THE INTERNET, don't you? Can you imagine how difficult it might have been to find such detailed information and great support 20 years ago? Over the weeks that followed, I spent all of my evenings after work online searching for more. Honestly, I was searching for the horror stories. There is great affirmation out there about this procedure, but very little about complications and regrets. I watched many hours of video logs on YouTube, and worried about the people who stopped recording after a few check-ins. What happened to them? Are they okay? Did something horrible happen to them as a result of the surgery? But then, there were people like AmySDMom, who has kept an incredibly honest video log, almost weekly, for the entire two years of her journey. She is very thoughtful and thorough in the details she chooses to share, and I've learned a great deal from her about what life looks like post-surgery. If you've not spent any time with Amy, and are pre-op OR post-op... I highly recommend looking her up on YouTube. And on this site, I found the link to Holly's blog at 300 Pounds Down, and find her so wonderfully inspirational that I now check in daily to see if she has checked in. Her writing is powerful, honest, painful, witty, and as I said, inspiring. From the women I've been following, I have written down tips and preferences, and ordered protein powders that I've added into my diet. On one of the sites I read that a woman my size should be consuming 90 grams of protein and 1600 calories. I thought, I am likely not consuming half that much protein now. So I decided to go ahead and add that to my already low calorie, low carb diet. Did it help me lose weight? No. I continue to gain and lose the same two pounds each week, with great discouragement. I thought that maybe this would be the answer to why I couldn't lose weight. I just need more protein! Maybe I don't need surgery after all! Ha! Not so, said the Universe. And so, I decided that I would continue my research, step-by-step, and watch and listen for signs from the Universe to decide if I am on the right path. A local friend, who had surgery last year at Celebration Health in Orlando, held my hand and went with me to the information session that is held each week at this bariatric center of excellence. I wondered if I would sit through the session and hear something that frightened me, or meet someone with a real horror story, or have a gut feeling that this was the wrong place or time. But none of that happened. I left feeling like this was the place and this is the time. And so, I decided to complete the paperwork, and wait to take the next step. I received an email a couple of days later which requested my medical and weight history. I completed the form, and waited for the call from the hospital about my insurance coverage and out-of-pocket expenses... waiting to see what the Universe had to say about that. Well, the hospital did call, and said that my insurance only covered lap-band and gastric bypass... and I didn't cry, but with a lump in my throat told her to go no further... because those were not an option for me. I did not let that stop me, though. My company is self-insured and works with United Health Care and UMR. I knew that United Health Care was covering VSG, and so I called UMR to see why they denied the request. They said that my company did not have it on the list of approved procedures. I did not let that stop me, either. I sent an email to the SVP of Benefits and told her the story, and she responded with an explanation that our plan is outdated, and when something like this comes up, they take it to a committee and decide if they will add it to the policy, allowing UMR to approve the procedure. She checked in with me today, and shared her progress and next steps. With all of the changes in the world of Health Care, we aren't really sure what will happen next year, or what options will be offered - there is a chance our options will be even better than they are now. But I did remind her that I am eager to improve my life, that I am suffering with quite a bit of pain NOW, and that if I could have the procedure completed this year, with the insurance I am sure of... considering there could be a 6 month dr. assisted weight loss period... having the committee decide one way or another would be better for me, sooner rather than later. She understood and is moving forward. As am I. One step at a time... the Universe has not yet given me a sign to quit. And so, I am here with each of you... yearning for your success, longing for success of my own, and wishing all of us a future that is free of shame, suffering, illness, and pain. Here's to our future! May we learn to shine in new and wonderful ways.

Happy Friday!!! I am so pleased that the weekend is almost here! So a few weeks ago I blogged about a co-worker who is banded and seems to struggle a lot. I felt bad for her and could not understand. Well over the last week I have gotten a clear understanding of why and it pisses me off a bit. I am not any better than anyone, nor do I think I know all the answers. What I do know are the basics. We work so hard to get our bodies ready for the surgery and go through so much afterwards, why would you just say screw it? We had a celebration for our top performers today and the snacks were candies, cookies and juices. I was in charge of passing out the snacks and she came to the line three times and ate skittles, starburst and capri sun. Then she ate a hot pocket. I again am not perfect but I know these things are not good for us, especially with the band. Afterwards she came to ask me how long has it been since my surgery because I was losing weight fast. I explained I was five weeks out and had started to exercise again. She told me she has had 5 fills and she is really tight but can still eat some food. I told her maybe it was time go back to the see the doc. Her reply was that she would be going back to have it taken out since the band " failed" her........ It was not my place to suggest it may be the behavior and not the band, so I just said I was sorry to hear that. WHY??? It is not a quick fix, it will not stop us from making bad food choices, nor will it stop you from possibly wanting to eat those things. I just did not know what to say and it made me feel annoyed that she feels that the "band" failed her. We have to eat right, exercise and take care of ourselves. The band is only a tool. Now I am back to feeling sorry for her because I think she wants someone to help her but I dont know if I am that person. She is seven months down the line and I am a newbie just trying to get my own bearings....

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok? I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits. I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!! Nerd moment over. Carry on.

For the last four days I have been really trying to focus on what I am consuming to ensure my liver has shrunk. This is hard because I feel like the only thing I eat are vegetables and fruit with creme of wheat and oatmeal. What confuses me is yes I have dropped 6 pounds since Monday but will my liver really be small enough? I can still eat cabbage and greens but I don't know if they are good for me. What I am really considering is after my preop appointment on next Wednesday to just start on the clear liquids for Thursday through Sunday. This would give me at least four good days to try to get my liver smaller. Another bad thing that I am noticing since I have sick with sinus and allergies is that I'm not getting that 64 plus ounces of water a day. As you can see I am in a panic mood right now. Please help me PLEASE!!!

I had a fill on Tuesday and I can feel the difference. Was able to eat dinner last night and it didn't take much and same thing this morning for breakfast... I didn't even ask how much was put in... Life is good!

Hi everyone, Another good nights sleep last night. I was even able to lie down in bed properly. The first night I slept almost sitting up in bed. The best bit was this morning, I was able to get up out of bed by myself and it didn't hurt at all. I was ultra cautious but it was not a problem. Great, that had been one of my worries. I also seem to be able to drink a lot easier than many on here. I am not sure why, I tend to sip slowly but am still able to get a lot down. I have had milk, orange squash, chicken soup and milk mixed with chocolate protein and have been able to tolerate everything. I am so thrilled that everything seems to be going so well, although a little voice at the back of my head keeps saying 'it's too easy, something must be wrong', 'perhaps they didn't really take out your stomach and it's still too big!' I suppose we all second guess every move we make in the very beginning of this journey. My medication is getting easier to swallow, and now my brain is working I don't have to totally rely on my long suffering husband. (although I do tend to - as he loves to take care of me) If anyone has any questions that I can answer then I most certainly will. If I can help others as so many have helped me I will feel that I have been able to give a little back. Still on a high, happy with my decision and happy with life. Love to all

I almost feel stupid blogging about this, but had a revolation this morning! So when you are a fat chick, you can't just go to Victoria Secret for the latest and cutest bra selection. Me personally, I have found Lindathebralady.com to be the most comfortable, but they're not cheap. So as I've lost 41lbs the girls have been less than perky. I've been dreading paying another $54 for another bra. I know that's a good problem to have needing to buy new, skinnier clothes and bras, but 54 bucks is 54 bucks! Here's where the "I feel stupid" moment plays in. So I'm getting dressing this morning and like a profound moment of my entire life I realize, "duh, you don't have to use the last fasteners on the bra you big dork!" Being fat pretty much my whole adult life, I've ALWAYS had to use the last fasteners. I'm proud to say I'm on the first one! Not only is that exciting, but cheaper too! It's funny seeing things in a skinnier light! Woohoo!