Leaderboard

I guess i can start with getting banded right, I guess that is where most start. I was banded on September 2,2011 its a day that you don't forget. I remember feeling scared, nerves, and completely terrified (to say the least). I guess i can also go back to the start of the weight problem right. Well here goes. Believe it or not i wasn't always a big heavy person. I was 165 in high school and it was all muscle but at the time i just thought it was all fat, and being big boned didn't help my way of thinking or my mothers. She saw big boned as an excuse for fat. Even at my skinniest in high school i was 145lbs. Eating at home was a battle, My mom kept a metaphorical lock and key on the fridge and everywhere in the house that there was food and sodas. I was allowed three meals a day and forget about seconds no matter how hungry i was. And sodas where a no no except to my mom and dad. They could have all the sodas they wanted. She didn't really start to come down on me until high school when i started lifting weights and the weight wouldn't stop coming on little did i know it was muscle not fat. She really came down on me hard and so did my dad. I was playing all the sports i could and ran like crazy everyday. She started me on all the diet pills i could handle until i couldn't eat any more. My sophomore year of high school she thought it was best if i drank slim fast for all meals. I was embarrassed to take the can of slim fast to school so in the morning i would drink the nasty drinks and show her that i was taking one for lunch and head out the door. She didn't give me money because that would only mean that i would eat something from the school. So there i was at lunch time and my only choice was to either drink the slim fast and look like an over weight dork or just not eat. So i chose not to eat. At dinner i would drink my slim fast and after everyone was asleep go to the kitchen and sneak a quick snack and hope she wouldn't know that it was gone in the mornings. That was mostly fine during volley ball season because you don't really run to much. And at school there was always someone willing to give me 50 cents for a soda so i didn't really feel very hungry. But basketball was a very different story. I had a game on a Monday night out of town on of the few games my mother had time to come to, I was playing hard and before i knew it i was on my floor in the gym with my coach and everyone around me. I didn't know what had happened i just remember someone was shooting a free throw and i was ready then i woke up on the floor. I was sitting on the bench and my coach asked me what i ate that day looking at my mom i said nothing really. I told her i drank a shake for breakfast and didn't eat lunch. She asked me when the last time i ate was i said i don't remember. Right then she told my mom i could stay for the game but couldn't play until i was eating again. I don't know what else she told my mom that night but i remember my dad telling my mother that it was enough with diets that if i didn't want to stick with them i shouldn't have to if i was going to go and do things like this. I felt like i had let them down i felt the need to deal with it myself. So from that year until my senior year i had eating disorders like not eating or eating till i thought my stomach was about to explode but i didn't eat at home. I would go to my friends house where her mom knew what my mom was doing to me and would fix me all kinds of food. Im not saying what i was doing was right but i didn't know that at the time. When i left for college i found a whole new life where i couldn't be controlled by anyone because i made all my own choices and food was my number one obsession. My boy friend was excited that i was eating and never stopped to let me know that i was gaining weight like crazy. Before i knew it i was about 240lbs the heaviest of my whole life. Other traumatic things had happened but ill save that for another story. I moved back in with my mom and that didnt help only now i could go to a fast food place and eat as much as i could and then come home. by the time that i moved out again i was a big 265 and i found it hard to loose the weight once it started. little did i know i have polytheistic ovarian syndrome and it makes it hard to loose weight. I met the man of my dreams in 2008 we got married in 2009 where i was 275. I wasn't happy about the weight and it would go down and come back i was tired of trying and i didn't care any more i thought well if i cant get past 240 then what is the point. I just didn't care any more. My mom had been on my about weight loss surgery but i didn't think that it was possible and i didn't think that it would work i thought i was a lost cause and i would forever be "The heavy girl". I wouldn't take pictures with my kids or my husband i didn't want to look like a big whale next to small children or a whale next to a man. They are my step kids i don't have any children of my own. I was trying diet pills and all kinds of things but at the end of the day i would just eat and eat and eat. One morning woke up and just hated everything my feet felt like they where going to explode from all the pressure that i was putting on them and my back was killing me. I was at the end of my rope i wanted to be skinny and i wanted my life back. I didn't like they way people would look at me and i didn't like that i felt so ugly. I hated the way that people would look at me when i went out to eat and the way that i felt when i would eat in front of people. I didn't want to go any where or do anything. I hadn't worn a swim suit in six years or more. And my whole wardrobe was basketball shorts, jeans, and XXX L t-shirts. I felt like a cow and i didn't see an end in site. August 2011 my mom came and got me and told me i needed a change and she was willing to help me no matter what the cost. I was offended of course but i wanted to change i wanted to show everyone that i was more then just "The fat girl" i was someone. I agreed to lap band and it all started. I didn't know what to expect i was scared and thought they might tell me i was under weight or to fat to have it done. Or later i would hear them talk about how fat i was. But when i walked in to the office i was greeted real nice like i was a real person (something i didn't expect at all) considering all the times i have walked into a doctors office and had been treated like i looked. I met with the nurses and the doctor and they where so nice and caring. And i decided i had made the right choice. I cried because i was scared every time i met with the doctor to be honest I knew i was going to be cut on and that scared me more then anything. My husband didn't want me to do it because he was just as scared as i was but i did it anyways. The night before the surgery i was so scared i couldn't even sleep. I felt like i was going to summer camp where i didn't know any one. I thought about my doctor telling me that i was going to be beautiful and love the way that i looked and i was going to be happy. It made that day a little easier that and i had lost 20lbs in two weeks that was a boost to. When called to the waiting room i was so scared i couldn't stop crying and i hate crying. They sent many people in there to talk to me to tell me what to expect even a nurse that met me the day before came in to check on me when she didn't even have to. Just to make sure that i was going to be ok. Now i wasn't loud and crazy lol i was just quietly worrying my self to death. they came in and gave me meds to calm me down and man did that i was happy and laughing and making jokes. When i woke up the pain was ok the gas however sucked. i dont remember much of that day or the next to be honest i was moving around and not eating because my tummy wasn't ready for food but i tried. I know that the gas was gone from my stomach and that was much better. Getting rid of the gas from your stomach for me it was like im about to throw up and all that came out with this horrible burp see they don't tell me that you have to learn how to burp again. Any ways I went back to the Dr a week later and lost another ten pounds i was happy and i didn't cry when the doctor said im happy to see your not terrified of me any more i said well your not trying to cut me he just laughed. Since then i have lost a total of 80 something pounds with my ups and downs which i will get to more later, but in the end it is all well worth it. And im so happy that i when through with this. Still six months later.

Just wanted to drop a quick note. I got my unfill last monday and so far so good. it takes me about 4-5 hours before i'm "hungry" and my portions are controlled. needless to say I still am figthing that 1-2 last pounds to get to onederland. however i went shopping yesterday because i needed an outfit in a specific color for a womens conference. well i went into a little cheapy store and asked where the size 12's were since i saw the plus sized section started at size 14. she told me in the junior/misses section. I JUST STOOD THERE FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNITY. ME GET CLOTHES OUT OF THE JUNIOR.MISSES SECTION. my heart started racing. i know this sounds crazy but i was totally freaked out for a minute. I HAVE NEVER BOUGHT CLOTHES ANYWHERE OTHER THAN THE PLUS SIZE SECTION. so when i bought everything from that side of the store it was soooo weird. i was happy but it was so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that i could. i even bought a tank top in a medium from that side of the store. ok just wanted to share that experience right quick. hope all is well with everyone. s/n from our conference. WHATEVER IT IS...LET IT GO!!! peace and blessings jennifer

Congrats to you Jason. Happy Birthday. That's awesome for a birthday present. I got my 1st fill on my birthday last week and that was a great gift.

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me!

You are a strong woman G4! You are capable of anything you set your mind to!!! My little guys love their sweets but also have the ability to walk away from half a cookie if they are full (something I never learned or ignored in my life.....) so now I'm trying to make a game of it. I am buying cookies and sweets that kids enjoy in moderation and keeping them on the counter which is something I've never been able to do because I work from home and would eat them all before the kids got home from school. I'm testing myself and my resolve in this. I'm making it a game of the better the cookie the more my "exercise" of self control. Not sure how long it will last but for now I've got my mind wrapped around that. We're all in this together, you are not alone, keep that in mind. I miss seeing you and your bright smilin face!!

"Im starting to make bad choices. Ive been eating things that i know that i shouldnt." I have found that if I do not BUY it I can not EAT it. I only buy what I know I should be eating. I just love snack size baggies. I put just enough in them and know that is all I am to have. If I get sidetracked with a food idea I drink warm Water. Seems to cut the hungry. I am only 1-30 to Present into this and food is not my issue getting up and moving is. So joining a gym closer to home.

I know, it's frustrating to have the surgery and then have to wait so long for your band to really start doing its job. Sometimes the careful, incremental fill process seems endless, but it's safer to do it that way because overly aggressive fills can cause very unpleasant complications. I started feeling a little bit of restriction after my 1st fill, a little more after the 2nd, and the 3rd fill really did the trick. Looking back, I'm glad it was gradual because if they gave me that much fill (2.5 cc in a 4 cc band) all in the 1st visit, my eating problems would have been unmanageable. The way it worked out made it possible for me to practice good band eating skills and slowly adjust to the fills. Hang in there! Edited to Add: don't assume your surgeon gives fills only once a month just because they automatically schedule appointments for you once a month. My surgeon will do fills at 2-week intervals if you ask.

I had my surgery 2 weeks ago with Dr. Woo in Vancouver. All my experiences have been great with SWLC. They are always attentive and very quick to respond to any questions or concerns.

Once the band is in its in. OHIP would never deny you help if you are having problems with it.

I was also feeling really gross about my appearance. I was tired of hearing "you have such a pretty face". In my head, I was hearing "you have such a fat ugly body". Its only been about 5 weeks since my surgery and since then I've lost a few lbs, hired a personal trainer and work out 3 x per week. Even though its clear that I have an incredibly long journey ahead of me, I'm feeling so psyched that I've finally started the journey. It feels so good to be doing something about my fitness and my health instead of just feeling horrible about myself. I was not expecting to feel better about my appearance before losing a significant amount of weight but here I am feeling great just because I'm taking action and doing something about it. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel after the first "dreaded fill" but I'm up for the challenge. I already feel more confident and attractive and wore 2 dresses to work this week that I have not been able to fit for OVER 2 YEARS!!