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March 7th, 2012 I have committed and I am on board! I am going to get a Gastric Sleeve and change my life!! Oh my gosh, my life will never be the same...my relationship with food will forever be altered...so many things racing through my brain today. I am excited and scared, joyful, yet apprehensive. The idea is almost surreal in a way. Just thinking a year from now, I am going to be free of this heavy coat I wear. I have been spending my entire evening going through the forum and reading so many stories. Getting so inspired, sometimes scared, but mostly excited about the future. Perhaps it quite normal, but I almost feel a sense of nostalgia to my old friend "food". All the false comfort it provided at time, and oh how my good friend Oreo cookie never once turned his back on me (why the Oreo is a he? Not sure) But, like a bad habit of any other kind, I'm never looking back. I have my eyes set on success and failure in this chapter of my life is no longer an option. I will be strong, I will be confident, I will be healthy, I will live longer and watch my children have their own children one day, I will be beautiful inside and out, I will break the chain of obesity today, starting with me! Oh... and I plan on rocking some really cute boots once I have calves that can fit into them! I am scheduled to meet with the surgeon on March 23rd and the Behaviorist the same day. Oh how I wish I could just leap couple weeks in the future and set the date already. I feel like a kid waiting to go downstairs on Christmas morning. I decided to start this blog, because I figure a change this big in my life needs to go down in history as one of the most "legen"...wait for it..."dary" moments of my life. I want to capture the full spectrum of ups and downs and I hope to bring a little light and humor to a very difficult battle. This battle didn't start today; this will be the victory to a long road I have been traveling on for years. That long road of ups and downs both physically and emotionally. I'm ready to finally step off this crazy roller coaster ride and begin to live again. I once rock climbed....I loved to rock climb. In my 20's I said I would complete a sprint triathlon before I die...Well, I say...I'm not dead yet....Until next time.

I use myfitnesspal.com. It's free, and they also have an app.

Oh nice. Thanks for your support. :-)

That's wonderful news.... ( feels weird saying that) so glad you can have the surgery now.

That is great news that you will be able to be getting your lapband! Im sure you sleep apnea will improve and you will be a very successful bandster!

Great news .. ish !

No need to feel like u are being confrontational, just ask them if there is a problem with them getting through to u on the phone, maybe they are trying to avoid times u will be sleeping as u work nights you need information to make this part of the process go smoothly and tick all the boxes u have to, so be direct in what u ask without the confrontation.. That way you are taking control of your own destiny good luck !

This blog sounds like me also. I have to convince myself daily that I am not a failure. I actually got banded 3 years ago and fired my surgeon shortly after (poor choice of doctors); however I'm starting over and it feels great. Everyday is one day at a time. I began to blog for the support and day by day, it's getting a little better. I've learned that there is a substitute for every craving, find your fix, you would also be surprised how soon those cravings go away if you just ignore them.

I'm like Cfalbro, wait when did I right this.? It's easy to think this because all our lives we have failed and failed to lose weight the way society dicates we do, and some of us have people in our lives that don't let us forget that we should lose weight and that in itsself is another failure that people can't see us for who we are but look at the weight first. To make the lapband work, you do need to follow the regime set by dr, at least for the first few months and then afterwards, you can start experimenting foods, to learn what you can and cannot tolerate. Sweets is a big addiction. Be careful, be honest and let your nutritionist know so they can help with alternatives. I didn't know this , but it was a big eye opener. Last night my hubby spoke to a co-worker who he knew had the lapband and she knew I had mine. She's had her for 3 years, and recently said on Facebook , lapband failure, all I lost was 20 lbs. Well she didn't mention , that she ate candies all the time, drank shakes, sliders as they call them. She even had her 10cc band filled to 9ccs in effort to lose weight and all she could get down were shakes, not the protein kind, but the cool whip on the top kind , with ice cream. And now she is diagnoised with diabetes and with poor leg circulation because of it. Its not you wanting that stuff its your body. Its not a craving that's gonna be turned off overnight, but its one you have to learn to control. I'm the biggest whiner/baby because I can't eat something anymore, But if I look at the scale my body is following along, its my mind that is kicking and screaming. And I do indulge myself in a bite of pasta here or bread there, but I've gotten to where that's enough. You will be ok, we are rocks in all areas, but sometimes we don't see it because we have been told we were. I wish you the best!

Holly, Thank you for a great post, and lots of great insight for me to "chew" on! I too have been on the weight loss "roller coaster" most of my life. And I too have experienced relatives (in-laws, friends, family, etc) who wouldn't say a word if I was loosing, but were the first to say something when I gained a couple of pounds. I remember once when I was visiting my in-laws. I was five months pregnant with our third child. My Father-in-Law's sister was visiting. She was a real looker, a knock out for her age (50ish). And had three model perfect looking daughters about my age. I was always so envious of her and her girls. I SO wanted to look that good! I hadn't seen any of them for a while, and she made a BIG deal out of the fact that I had put on "a few pounds". I didn't know what to say! I mean, I thought everyone in the family knew I was pregnant. We had had a really hard time conceiving the first time, and then when we got pregnant two more times (in the space of two years!) everyone inthe family was talking about how fertile I was, and how "didn't we know what was causing this?" (I'm a labor & delivery nurse, so everyone thought it was SO funny when I kept ending up pregnant every year!) At that time, I was 5' 7" and a fairly slim 160 pounds. And for Pete's sake, I was five months pregnant. My doctor had already told me he was worried, as I had only gained three pounds with the pregnancy, and he was concerned about the baby not getting the nutrition it needed (in those days we didn't know sex of the baby). I had been fighting constant nausea throughout the pregnancy, and couldn't eat without throwing up, so I just didn't eat, cause I hate to throw up! And here she is telling me how fat I looked! I was devastated, and finally just left and went home, crying my eyes out! What really frosted me was no one in my husband's family stood up and said "well, Kathy IS pregnant and has to gain a little to take care of the baby." or something to that effect! For years I resented everyone associated with that incident! And it ate me up! Everytime I thought about it, I ate something, sometimes a LOT of somethings! I was going to show her (them)! I finally prayed for the ability to forgive her (and everyone else) for her remarks, and after years of harboring a grudge against her was able to forgive her, for my own sake. (Unfortunately, she was dying by this time, and I couldn't go to her and tell her how hurt I had been and that I had forgiven her.) What I want to know, is why can't we all just love each other for what we are? Why are we so critical of how each other looks, how much they weigh, what they wear, etc? Now that I have had WLS, and am fighting the war, I hope successfully, I am trying to remember all the comments that have hurt me, all the looks I received when I was fatter, all the incidents that caused me pain, and am REALLY trying to forgive each and every person involved. I want to be free of the hurt feelings I have carried around for years and years. I feel that when I remember or experience an event that causes me pain about how I look, I tend to think "I'm going to show them..." and I eat to "show them". I want to be free of this hurtful, harmful behaviour! I want to love and accept each and every person who comes into my life just the way they are! And I want to know that I have done everything within MY power to re-affirm each person's self esteem, thereby re-affirming my own self esteem! And hopefully, as I make progress in my mission, I won't feel the need to turn to food for comfort (or revenge) anymore. I want to be able to stand tall and free and accept myself along with everyone else!