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Well, I returned to work, arrived early - 7 AM, since I had insomnia last night - I figured I'd make the most of the day. After I got my walk on with the love of my life. My hubbage has been super awesome supportive. I am blessed. I keep my big GNC MIO flavored water at my side where ever I go, and I have a bottle of Isopure on my desk. I sip, sip, sip and that does the trick. I had egg-salad at my desk - started at 12, and finished at 3 - I took my sweet time eating bit by bit. I'm so afraid of feeling uncomfortable and visiting up-chuck city at work that I would rather slowly pace myself. Granted, it is HARD AS HELL. The shadow man from stress eater land is lurking over me all the time. It is so wierd to want to eat but to not be hungry. I think that is the biggest challenge for me. Recognizing and listening to my stress triggers and not immediately thinking FOOD. I find so much support, positivity and community on this site - thank you who ever reads and comments, you are lifting my spirit as I work through this life change. Every smiley face is getting a smile right back. I talked to my HR Director, she did not turn over the paperwork to my boss, kept it confidential as requested, fully supported me. (I LOVE WHEN HR DOES WHAT THEY SHOULD). I met with my boss, the good news...well she told me about my "bonus" for the performance year - we did well. However, she "negatively modified" my bonus because she felt I "struggled" this year. Let me define the struggle. An anonymous complaint to HR w/out facts, inuendo and no specific examples to substantiate the claim. I've asked time and again - but to no avail. And I got "dinged" because she did not feel I had as outstanding of a year as my peers. She smiled the whole time she said it. She's inspires me to be a better person. Even though it was a small "ding" - it is the point none the less. I've been working on my Resume - time to be successful somewhere else. Some day. I love my staff, my team, the work I do. It is challenging, fun. I've got AWESOME health bennies. So, I shut up and put up, or I move on. I don't think I could handle moving on so soon. So I will vent, and deal. And wish the flees of a thousand camels infest her pants.

Happy 1 week to me. Wow. It has been a long week. The first day post op - I just laid in the hospital bed, out of it, immobile, sore, tired. I thought "What in the hell have I done to myself!". The pain meds were good for about 12 hours then the "real me" stepped in and was like - what in the heck are you doing? Nausea set in. They switched me out to something else that worked much better, started with a T. On day two, I did the swallow test. They said, one big swallow. I did. Then they took pics. They said ok, one tiny sip. I did. More pics. I passed. They wheeled me out to the hall for "transport" and somehow forgot me there for about 20 minutes. An orderly was nice enough to notice and then wheeled me back to my room. Day two, no bed, only chair. So the orderly puts me in the chair, and in his attempt to be helpful, he was placing the foot rest up - but did it in a sudden jerky motion. That was all she wrote - up chuck city. Note to self - sudden moves make me puke. Oh the discomfort. All I could think or say was I don't want to do that ever again. Puke, that is. I began my Physical Therapy day 2 - several rounds around the hospital floor. The discomfort was less, but still I felt like I had been doing sit-ups for 24 hours with no rest. Day 3, drain removed, catheter removed, and I passed gas. Yes, I just typed that. I had know Idea how important farting was to gain release from the hospital. Thank God I was alone when it happened. I thought it was gas, but in reality, it was an accident. I gambled, and lost. I was humiliated - but the nursing staff was amazing and so proud of me for having gas. Weird. I was released on Day 3 before noon. Very tender, excited to go home. The shock - I weighed 319 when I went in for surgery, I got home I was 328. WHAT? How could that be? My friend who is a nurse said it was the IV they pumped me up with and that it was water weight. Man - prepare yourself for that uptick and don't panic. I decided to set my weight loss goal to 160 - a respectable weight. I remember those days. I created my tickertracker - but really don't know how to make it show up on stuff, like this blog. I downloaded a food diary ap, my nutritionist said it was a good idea to keep one up to the post op appointment so that when I go in, I can be advanced to the next stage of the diet. I have found a routine - Isopure is with me all day - sip sip away to ensure i get my protein grams in. I have Vanilla, Chocolate, Latte, Chocolate Carmel whey, and a ton of sugar free jello and popsicles. The easiest for me is the popsicles. Don't know why - but I'm having 4 or 5 a day - they help with the hydration plan. I'm able to have my 3-4 oz meals of shake or broth with unflavored whey. Day 6 - I started craving cheese. I don't know why - but I felt like cheese would be so nice to have. It will have to wait. So, today - I'm feeling about 75% or better, still a bit sore, but mild sore. My incisions itch. As of yesterday I was down to 316. I've had 2-3 emotional melt downs. Where my face just starts leaking for no reason. I also notice that there is a party going on in my abdomen. Fire works, rumbly in my tumbly, lots of noises. I am painfully aware that boredom eating and stress eating were bad habits. I have to find a way to occupy my mind and hands when I feel bored or stressed. I don't feel hunger pains. But I feel the pattern of bad behavior. So, major milestone for me - who has never had a surgery before, lived to see the other end of it. One week out, a few pounds down, new patters and behaviors forming, and I'm feeling better each day. Friday is my post op visit with Dr. Rosenthal and my nutritionist. I'm ready for Friday to be here so I can celebrate another milestone. :biggrin2:

Wow! What a difference a week makes! I had my first fill last Wednesday, the 15th. According to my home scales, I've lost 5 lbs this week! Wow! Before that appointment last week, I was so worried that I had made a big mistake and this wasn't going to work the way I thought. I was a little depressed (even though I had lost weight...geez I'm an idiot sometimes). I thank God for whoever created this forum. Reading the testimonies of others, recognizing issues others had already worked through, connecting with people currently experiencing what I am....it helped so much to get me out of my pity party and back in to the wonderful expectation of this gift! I'm inspired, already, to challenge myself in a couple of things: a) I joined a weight loss challenge at my fitness center (hey...cash prizes are a great motivator!) and signing up for a 5k in April at my son's school. I walked a 5k in November BEFORE i had any weight loss. I figure I can do it again with a little more ease by the time April rolls around. If you're reading this, and you're in a mud-hole like I was...just hang in there! Its worth it! Remember, the band is just a tool. We still have choices to make in order for this tool to be successful. You can do it! Just take it one step and one day at a time. May God give you all strength, endurance, patience and peace in the coming days of this journey. I'll be praying for you! Blessings, Chrissylu

I want to thank everyone who's been reading my ranting posts, and especially all of you who've taken the time to comment. It's such a relief to get these thoughts off my chest sometimes, but it helps even more to hear from others and know that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. Maybe it's my persecution complex talking, but there are times when being a fat person in our skinny-obsessed society is the most isolating experience in the world. And being a fat person who has been unable to lose weight is the worst. If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked if I've thought about losing weight, I'd be rich. I might also be in prison, because the more it gets asked, the more I want to smack them upside the head while yelling (at my loudest and most sarcastic), "No! I've never thought of that! Oh, my goodness, I've been having SO MUCH FUN being fat and ostracized and mocked and ignored and insulted and slighted and exposed to ridicule that it NEVER EVEN OCCURRED to me to try to lose weight! Thank you so much for being the frst person to point out that I'm fat, or I never would have figured it out!" Not that I'm bitter or anything. Anyway, I don't need to be bitter anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still fat. In fact, for another 5 pounds or so I'll continue to be mordibly obese. After all, I was only banded 2.5 weeks ago, so the journey is just beginning for me, but for the first time in my life, I honestly believe that I have a chance to succeed. Even with my band unfilled, I still am able to be satisfied with eating much less than I ever have before. I'm conscious of my portions and my calories, but I'm content with what I'm allowed, not always finishing a meal still wanting more and not starving in between them. Once I get some restriction, I really believe that I'll be able to succeed where in the past I've always failed. Even better than that, though, is the knowledge that I'm so not doing this alone. I have all the other members here at LBT going through exactly what I am. I can share my feelings with you and know you'll understand. I can ask questions and know that you'll answer. And I can get tips and ideas I never would have thought of myself without having to go digging through the entire internet to find them. That rocks so hard. So, thanks, all of you. And here's hoping we all succeed together.

300 Pounds Down: Prison--trapped in my own body

Ohhhh I was such a bad bandster this weekend I'm not going to even get into it, started with margaritas (4 of them) Friday night and went sort of downhill from there. I realized that I cannot take a vacation from eating right, but I also realize on the weekends I don't eat like I normally do (three meals a day 5 hours apart) and that's where the trouble starts. New goal for this weekend: FREAKING EAT MAN! Saturday was quite busy. I went to my local day spa and got my first Brazilian, not for anything special but because it was time for Andrea to put her big girl pants on and stop cutting myself in my lady bits, and it does not hurt! Everyone told me it was the most painful thing, oh come on, getting my eyebrows waxed hurt! After that I went to Aldi's, which I used to not shop at because I only liked high quality foods (ie Trader Joe's Whole Foods) now to be honest with you I don't give a crap what I eat in regards to the quality, I'm so not into food anymore. I just make sure it's dense protein and my daily calories are around 1000/day and 60-80 grams protein/day. For two weeks worth of groceries, I only spent 57 bucks at Aldi's (which is dirt cheap in Connecticut) after that I went to Big Y and got my cat food, and whatever I couldn't find at Aldi's for another 40 bucks worth, so I have to say for grocery shopping for two weeks of food for me and my cat under 100 bucks is awesome! On the way to my dbf house, I forgot to get a V-day gift, so I stopped at Gamestop to pick up a gift card, well while walking to the store (this is what I get for parking so far away) my bra strap breaks! So I have to walk in there with one perky boob and one droopy boob and I'm just like "hurry up, I got to get a bra!" so I go next door to Dots (which is like a hoochie mama clothing store, honestly though I buy clothes from there that aren't hoochie mama, but you know) and get a bra, which the boyfriend loved, and I'm like "this is not sexy this is out of necessity lol". What a day That night dbf and I went for sushi for a belated V-day dinner, I was so worried that I was going to get sushi stuck, but alas I did not (I really don't want to eat sushi, I love it so much, that I want to be restricted enough just to eat sashimi because I could eat those darn rolls all day!). At the restaurant they had this crab salad that I devoured and I think that was the most I ate, also shrimp tempura ::hides:: I'm hoping by my next fill I will only be able to eat sashimi, fingers crossed! Sunday morning, dbf brought breakfast in bed, mmmm those eggs were salty lol. Didn't finish eating those. Went home later, and made my dinner for the week (beefy tortilla soup with an extra can of kidney beans for protein) in my crock pot. Then I was so un motivated from cooking that I had a lean cuisine for dinner ::hides again:: I also tried to figure out what a 4 mile run would be from my house to wherever (my previous post, if you didn't read, was my goal to run a 5k next year) my friend who runs them told me once I get the endurance to run 4 miles since it's a little more than a 5k, so the 5k will be easy. So I drove two miles and holy crap that's a long distance, but I'm going to do it!!!! OH OH OH! One more thing, I bought two big things of plain Chobani yogurt and a ton of mix ins, so today's Chobani flavor goes as such: 1 cup of 0% Chobani with 1 T sugar free white chocolate instant pudding mix 1 T Torani white chocolate syrup (sugar free duh) and 1 T sugar free rasberry preserves.....YUM! Tomorrow I'm going to mix in Coconut Torani and some canned pineapple for a pina colada. Sounds good, no? Well time to get to work, thanks so much for reading, everyone stay motivated, and if you had a bad weekend like me, remember today is a new day, be accountable, get moving and DON'T GIVE UP! XOXO, Andrea