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So I weighed in yesterday and lost 0.9 lbs. This led to the immediate recognition of the fact that at the moment, I have a split personality. I call them Logical Me and Emotional Me. Logical Me tells me that any weight loss is good weight loss. I'm currently in "Bandster Hell," that period of time between my surgery and my first fill when my appetite has returned, but the band is not yet offering me any restriction. Logical Me points out that a lot of people stop losing weight now entirely and many even gain some weight. She also wants me to remember that the slower the weight loss, the better my skin will be able to adjust and the less loose skin I may have when I reach my goal. And finally, Logical Me would like to point out that I've spent at least ten years getting to this weight from my last lowest point, so it's dumb of me to expect that I'll lose it in a couple of months. Emotional me is too busy wailing and gnashing her teeth to tell me anything. Somewhere buried in her incoherent sobs, I am able to make out a few thoughts, though, like how can I not lose more weight when I've been eating no more than 1000 calories per day? Or, OMG am I going to fail this attempt at weight loss just like I have all the other ones after I've spent all this money on having surgery? Maybe the band won't help me. Maybe I'm just destined to be fat my whole life, and I'll just keep gaining weight even if I stop eating all together for the rest of my life. Maybe this was all a wasted effort and I should just go crawl under a rock and forget about ever being healthy and happy with myself. I'd like to slap Emotional Me across the face and tell her to shut her w&!@# mouth. I know those thoughts are ridiculous, but that doesn't mean I can completely erase them from the back of my mind. All I can do is turn up the volume on Logical Me, keep reading the forums, and keep poking along at whatever pace my body deems appropriate. After all, when it comes down to it, I didn't get this surgery just to drop weight; I got it to help me make a huge and permanent lifestyle change that will result in gradual and permanent weight loss. Maybe if I got that tattooed on the back of my hand, it would be easier to remember...

I got up this morning and got dressed for my job interview today. WHAT A MESS! None, and I mean NONE of my clothes fit me - some were too small (granted I was expecting that) but the ones I JUST BOUGHT were too big. And not tuck here or pin there too big - TOO FREAKING BIG. I had to run to Kohls and buy new clothes because I had NOTHING to wear! I put on a pair of pants that, I was going to wear to Mexico for surgery less than 3 weeks ago and they were just too tight - not comfortable at all. Today, they're too big. I mean TOO BIG! Like awkwardly too big! I'm so excited about this! I wonder if i still have the receipt....

So about a week ago we all found out one of my dear friends has ovarian cancer. While watching "The Revolution" last week, a woman who has beaten thyroid cancer came on and shared her recipe for a juice that she attributes her wellness and cancer free body to. My son got a juicer for Christmas (his favorite present!), and he said "Mom, we can make her that juice every day". My son has known my friend for his entire life, saw my stress and sadness for her, and found a way to to feel useful in an uncontrollable situation. So off to the store we went! I have been bringing her this juice for a few days now and figured I could probably benefit myself from this green goop I was making her drink. I'm not sure if my friend (who had a complete hysterectomy and is preparing for chemo) is feeling the benefits - but I bet her body is responding. What I wasn't expecting was the way my body would respond to this concoction! Day 4 of drinking this juice and I feel like a new woman!!! Since day 2, I awake alert & perky, not sluggish and without energy. Today I had the BEST workout I have had in 10 years! It's like a fog haze has been chased from my head and the old me (me in my 40's) has returned. Now granted, it's just day 4 and my body might just be in shock from all the good stuff I am pumping into it, but who cares! Even if this feeling goes away in a week, I am going to keep up with my magic juice! What will be interesting is if it has any effect on the scale....I will keep you all posted!