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I'm starting this with the uncertainty whether I hope or dread anyone reading it, not to mention the hard-earned inability to believe that even this step will really be able to accomplish the thing to which it seems I've dedicated my life: losing weight. Unsucessfully, natch. I remember being on my first diet by the age of 9; I got my lap band (a Realize band, actually) on February 1, 2012, a little less than 3 month before my 37th birthday. Did I give up on losing the weight on my own? Maybe, but I prefer to think of it as giving up on the DELUSION that I could lose it on my own. Yes, I said it--it was a delusion. Delusional thinking. I've dieted for almost my entire life; if dieting actually led to weight loss, I'd be f'ing Kate Moss by now. Heck, I'd have melted away to nothing more than a decade ago. Atkins? Did it. Sonoma? Did it. Cabbage soup? Grapefruit? Mayo Clinic? Done, done, done. Jenny Craig? Check. Weight Watchers? Which of the nine times do you want to discuss? Counting calories? Yup, as well as counting fat, counting carbs, and counting numbers of bites. I became a human abacus. I saw a nutritionist for two years, and a therapist for even longer. I worked on my issues even as I worked harder at losing weight than at anything else in my life, but the lesson I learned from all of that work was that dieting doesn't. It doesn't work, and it most especially doesn't work for me. Enter, the band. Through five little incisions right in my belly. It is even now wrapped around my stomach and giving me a new (if still shaky) hope that maybe I can finally solve this problem. You know the one. The one that makes buying clothes not only difficult, but occasionally humiliating. The one that makes other people's gazes either slide right over you, or linger in that way that makes you want to crawl under a rock and hide. The one that makes doctors blame anything you ask for their help with on the same thing, regardless of symptoms, cause, or duration. The one that makes anyone in the medical profession ask if you've ever considered losing weight, as if you hadn't noticed you were fat and the idea of attempting to be thin had never even occurred to you. Yeah, that one. The issue here is that one week after surgery and 13.7 pounds down from my pre-pre-op-diet weight, I still haven't decided whether or not I believe this solution will work. I hope--God knows, I hope--but I can't quite commit to optimism yet. All I've got at the moment is that hope, and the kind of anticipation you feel before a huge exam. I know I studied, and I know the material backward and forward, but I still can't help feeling that I still could fail, just because I've done it before. Still, fingers crossed and breath held and band installed. I've even begun to transition (with desperation induced permission from my surgeon...I couldn't take liquids anymore) onto purees. Maybe this will work. Maybe I'll blog here more than this once. I don't know what the future holds yet, but I really hope it's good.

January 25th was my surgery... i wanted to wait till my first post op appointment with my doctor to find out my weight loss. So It's been 2 weeks and I'm happy to say I lost 34 pounds!!!! YES!!! I started at 341 lbs and now I'm 307 lbs. Right now I'm following the diet to the T. I regret not preparing myself before surgery because right now it's all mental for me. The diet itself isn't hard but I wish there were more things I could taste (don't we all). I'm on stage 3. Today I finally tried eggs it went okay. Day by day I'll get use to it. For quite some time I've been smoking, drinking, and EATING my life to death... to be honest I had drinks 2 weeks before my surgery. I quit smoking for 2 weeks to take my labs and smoked 2 days before. I didn't realize how foolish and selfish I was until I laid there awaiting surgery. My life flashed before me and I couldn't believe all that I've missed. It's hasn't been long but I know I'm not going back. Well, that's my start.

Okay...I had my lapband surgery done in July 2010. I am now a little over 1 1/2 years out and still losing weight. I have hit some plateaus along the way. However, I just keep perserving. The past month, I have lost 9 lbs. The one main thing that I notice is that I keep losing my shoes. I mean really....I went out with my dad and sister. As I went to step out of the vehicle. my high heel fell off. I laughed...even my feet are losing weight. The shoes that I wore to work today kept flipping off the back of my feet like flips. I guess it is going to be time to go shoe shopping and get some new ones. My advice to everyone out there just starting this journey....just keep preservering. I have hit several plateaus that lasted a few months each time with the scale stuck at a weight. However, I knew that I was doing the right thing and I did not get discouraged. I finally feel like my body has accepted this...and the weight loss has picked up again. Well of and out to surf the web for some new footware!

When I first started on this site, I would always read how much people were saying, "I NEEEEED my fill", "Can't wait for my fill", "Hungry! Don't get my fill for a while" and couldn't really understand that "need" because for the first three weeks although I WAS hungry at times it was manageable. I would just like to apologize publicly on this forum for wondering.. .........yesterday (day before my fill) I could have eaten my face off. I was redonkulously hungry between every meal. In fact not one meal yesterday even touched my hunger radar. I was thinking, "ONE MORE DAY" which brings me back to the "a ha moment" as Oprah would say. Today was a 360 moment. I can truly say now that I GET IT! Feels great that Prudence finally got her fill, 2cc infact. Tomorrow is my 1 month bandiversary and I can say that although challenging, its been a great month!

I'm now 2 weeks out and I've lost 14 lbs since surgery, 36 since i started my pre-op. I'm feeling pretty good about it. I wish it was more, but we all wish that, don't we? I also have my time of month, so I know that's probably good for about 3-5 lbs. I have noticed, as my endo said I would that the adrenaline issues from the tumors on my adrenal glands is significantly LESS. The adrenaline created is partly in response to the grehlin created in the stomach. Hormones cause other hormones to do other hormonal things. When a person feels hungry, they have a survival instinct that kicks in brought about by adrenaline. Huh. makes sense. Happy with my progress thus far. Happy with my choice. Happy with my recovery. Just getting very happy these days I know I'm about ready for the 3 week stall, which I'm okay with. Its not like I can eat a cheesecake over it

Well, I finally got sick from not eating right. It wasn't what I ate, that was fine. I was eating a salad with chicken, cheese, some tomatos and dressing. The problem was I ate too much, too fast and didn't chew properly. Wow, that sucked. Last night was one of those nights where I got home, only had enough time to change cltohes, grab a Bariatric Advantage protien bar and then head out to coach my son's lacrosse practice. Three hours later, I was starved. Like I said, I ate too much, too fast and didn't chew the recommended 20 times. I had no nauesua or vomiting at any time after my surgery and consider my self very, very lucky. After last night, I hope it doesn't happen again. Oh well, live and learn. Take care all!

Everything went great and it didn't take as long as i thought. I feel so much better after talking to everyone about exactly what will happen. Just 4 days left.. I'm so excited!!

Alright...so its my first time keeping a blog pretty much ever doing one... So I am on my 5th visit of 6. I get another weigh in on Febuary 14th! I am so anxious and excited that after Tuesday there will be one more! I am so ready to get a second chance at my life! I am ready to do things that I am not able to do without worring about being judged! This wasn't a hard decision for me! I knew I couldn't do it on my own and new I needed help! I didn't want something to do it for me I wanted to achieve my goals by working hard with some guidence the Lap Band! This is going to be a journey in mylife I will never forget and I wanted to start this so one day I could share it with people outisde the Lap Band community. When I am ready! So as of being 4 months in I have lost 30lbs on my own with the encouragement of my husband and friends! I haven't lost that much weight for as far back as I can remember. I am starting this at a very embarrassing weight I am not ready to disclose but one day I will be able to say I started at this and now I am this! I am so excited for that day. I will post pictures and try to update this weekly! Especially during the liquid diet! I know I am going to need encouragement from anyone and everyone I can get it from! So....this is me ready for my 5th appointment! Talk to you all soon!

Almost 2 months out from surgery. I am on a steady losing streak. I am THRILLED! I am currently down a little more than 30 pounds! I look better but more importantly I FEEL better!! It has been a little harder than I expected it to be, but I think I am finally figuring out my new stomache. I eat VERY LITTLE, but never feel hungry. That part if pretty cool. I have been pretty good about taking my vitamins, but I know I am not being great about getting in the protein I should be getting. I am working on that. I went back to work a couple weeks ago... that was rough. My fatigue is getting better and my stamina is finally coming back, but whoa that was a rough road!! I slept a lot that first month. None of my friends know about my surgery. Only my family... CLOSE family. Nobody seems suspicious yet... I am worried someday that will change. My weight has always been a roller coaster ride for me, so I am sure they are all just thinking it is another one of those "fad diets" I am currently trying. This time there will be no gaining it back... I am thrilled. Can't wait to post the "I MADE IT TO MY GOAL WEIGHT" blog someday in my future!!