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Hi fellow bandsters! I had another one of those "then & now" moments today while I was out riding my bike. We were at mile 10 when my son asked if we should stop or do 5 more. What's 5 more was my reply! And off we went. Back before Bandolina became part of my body, that was my reaction when I would get on the scale and it was up 5 pounds. Or when I was eating just about anything....never about moving my body! Thought I wouls share!

I'm almost 8 months post op now, and you would think that I would have this Head Hunger thing under control by now! But it seems that I still am controlled by the Head Hunger, and not the other way around. I have been dreaming all day of Brown Sugar Cookies. So I finally made a batch. Then felt guilty, so I bagged them up and took them down the street to my neighbor who is getting over a total knee replacement surgery. He said he didn't need them either, but I told him better him than me! I do OK when I have to work. I work night shift, and sleep days, and don't really have time to overeat when I am working. But this week, I have four days off in a row. And I spend my days, all day long, thinking "what can I eat?", "how soon is it time to eat?". It is driving me crazy. I have lost 100 pounds, and am so proud of my weight loss, but I am scared to Death that I will stretch out my pouch and re-gain the weight I have lost. What will I do for clothes then? I have given away all my fat clothes. And I'm not a pretty sight naked! I am trying to eat reasonably. I am trying to eat in a Healthful manner. But this craving for stuff I don't need/shouldn't eat is driving me crazy, today especially. I keep thinking about Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Cheetos, Ice Cream, etc. It is going to drive me NUTS!

My Pre-op went great!!! I met my surgeon, Dr. Reilly and he is wonderful! He made me feel at ease and answered all of my questions! His scale actually had me weighing 6 pounds less than my home scale. I bought a new one after that and surprise that one had me six pounds less also! But I registered with the hospital and they were awesome also! I am fourth in line and have to be at the hospital at 8:30am and she said if all went well I could go home by 3pm. I also met the bariatric coordinator and she was awesome also. She gave me so much information. I have two packets of pre-surgery info to read tonight. Wow it is getting so close and feels real now. I am ready to get the surgery part over so I can start my new way of life.

ok so after last week i was really excited, but this week just hasn't been good for me.. so here are my stats 5'7" hw: 265 gw:250 dos: 238.1 cw: 203.6 so here goes, today is week 8 for me and i only lost 3 lbs from last week.. and i know thats not really terrible except for the fact that before i left for vegas on 2-2-12 i was down to 202.1 which means i gained weight! OK OK i know.. it is definitely my own damn fault cuz i partied like a rock star in vegas.. not really eatting things that i shouldn't, but because of the alcohol.. total empty calories.. it is officially the price that i pay! I guess tho it has been buggin me because even before i left i realized that i hit a miniature stall.. and normally i don't worry if the number on the scale doesn't change a bit, because i work out so much that im sure that i gain muscle which is much more dense than fat meaning at some point yes im going to stall on the weight loss i guess i just didnt figure it would come soooo soon. Now i really need to get back on the band wagon with my workouts and cardio, so that i can break this stall that i seem to be in. On a good note tho!!!! I HAD AN AMAZING TIME IN VEGAS bought clothes, went to go see a show (beatles love w. cirque du soleil) it was freaking amazing!!!!!!! and we got vip treatment the entire trip! so thats good.. i've included some pics..

This website is fantastic - a wealth of info. I'm a veteran Bandster (2005). It's been a crazy road but I'm doing well & getting back to the basics. I have a blog on Facebook. It's not easy/too busy to toggle between all the blogs. My goal is to share my good, bad & ugly journey. Check me out : ) Bandster Bridget & Friends.

Hello to all I hope to use this blog as a way to journal my way through the lapband experience not only to give insight to those considering it but for myself as a reminder of what was and what will be. As a RN I know full well the risks of being obese but it's much like the respiratory therapist who smokes, what we know and what we do sometimes conflict! I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. My mother says the Dr. had me on a diet at 2. My earliest memory of diet was as a sophomore in high school. I've tried slimfast, dexatrim, calorie counts, and weight watchers all without serious weight loss. At 54 I am at my heaviest weight ever, 235 I never imagined I would be this heavy, how does this happen, how could I let myself get this heavy? It's a lifetime of poor habits obviously and genetics play some role. I swear I have the metabolism of a slug. We (my fiance and I) went to a seminar on Jan. 28th and had done a lot of research before hand. The staff at the seminar were great and answered everyone's questions without hesitation. From the moment we met Dr. Fox I knew he was the surgeon I wanted. I scheduled my consult a few days before the seminar, I knew this was the surgery I wanted, needed, to help me lose the weight and be healthier. I had my blood work, pulmonary function test, and my EKG the Thursday following the seminar. Yesterday, Feb 6th I had an EGD to see if I had a Hiatal Hernia. My INS. has a total ban on any bariatric surgery but will pay for hernia repair. No surprise, I have one , should I be happy. The good thing is that while fixing the hernia I get the lapband. Even if I hadn't had the EGD, Dr. Fox would have fixed the hernia during banding. So now I save 5k because the INS. pays for the hernia. The only step left is to meet one on one with Dr. Fox for physical, and instructions on pre-op diet. He uses phase one of the South Beach diet preoperatively. My surgery is scheduled for March 2nd so I have a few weeks. The biggest thing I will have to give up is Diet Coke and carbs. I, like most overweight people am a carbaholic. I could eat pasta 7 nights week. I have tried to taper off the diet coke slowly but am not ready to say no more just yet. I have a few favorite foods I must eat before the pre-op diet begins simply because they will be off limits afterwards. As the surgery gets closer I get more excited about what's to come. One day at a time, one pound at a time is my new motto. D

Lately I've been pondering quite a lot about the issues of loneliness, confidence, but also self worth. I had a very "open" (to say the least) conversation with my dad last night and he really put things into perspective for me. First and foremost if anyone is having emotional problems due to confidence, self worth, depression, or just plain loneliness we must fight these emotions from taking over. I tried for too long to hold my feelings inside and deal internally but at some point I feel like I emotionally exploded. But this is exactly what I needed to get my life into perspective. I think I had confidence and self worth mixed up this whole time. You can put on make up, do your hair, wear some flattering clothes (Even at 260 lbs) and walking around head held high with tons of confidence..... but this in no way shape or form implies that you also have self worth. In order to find self worth we must look inside of ourselves. Its mostly at the deepest darkest hours, for me when I hit a point of absolute loneliness. Going to school full time, working, and studying I barely have time for myself or anyone else for that matter, but in one instant when my week slowed down and I laid on my bed in looked around it hit me. Loneliness. It soon spiraled out of control where I felt like I was almost going into a depression. For what reason? Because I feel like I need someone? Now I know that its not someone else that I need, no one will ever be able to fill that space of loneliness. That's a part of me that I need to heal. I've talked with my father, as well as a wiser woman that I look up to for advice. Things are not perfect for me now by any means, but I see them getting better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Whenever I feel those feelings of loneliness I fill my time with things that I like to do. Whether it be reading, writing poetry, cycling, or even studying. Those are the times that I can reflect, and once Im truly happy with myself, I know I could be happy with someone else. So now I start to see how self worth fits into the bigger picture. People can tell me all day that Im pretty, Im smart, I dont need surgery. But its not about them, or their opinions. Its about what I think of myself, that negative voice in the back of my head that laughs or has a sarcastic remark for every compliment. Its a long journey but Im overcoming that obstacle. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. I will learn my self worth, and in the process I will find the true me.

I had my check-up in Vegas this morning and most of it was really good. According to their scale I weight 290 but that is good 47 lbs for their records. I still like my scale better 285 this morning = 52 lbs lost. Was given my card to show the buffet cashiers so I don't get charged a ton. Was cleared to do what ever I want and eat what ever I want (except soda). I don't have to go back for 3 months YEAH!!!! Picked up a few snack bars and some more hot coco yummy. It was a good trip all in all. On the down side I was told I wasn't eating enough calories he wants me at 1000 to 1100 calories a day (instead of 600-900). I will give it my best shot. Happy Journey trails for all.

Okay so I have never done this so here goes nothing... Be nice lol. I had my surgery on sept 15 2011. On the day of surgery I was 261lbs and today I am 197lbs... 64 pounds gone. The day that I was under 200 I could not stop jumping around because I have not seen that number since I was about 16 years old. I am loving loving loving my weight loss. I still feel huge, and everyone keeps telling me how great I look but I just still feel like "THE FAT GIRL" and yes it has to be in all caps because that is how I felt for basically my whole life. I think that since I have been that girl since I was about 5 it might take me a little time to get used to a new me. I have the support of my family and friends, but I feel like that is not enough because they don't really know what it's like. In their eyes it's... oh you were huge now you're loosing weight problem solved... But it is so much more than that. I feel angry at the world sometimes because of how cruel some people have been to me, and I still feel that resentment a little bit. I feel angry with my parents for only focusing on my weight for so many years that my definition of myself can not start without... My name is Kalila and I am obese! That's it there is no more to me other than that. I blame them for making a little girl feel that way and now as an adult I blame myself for allowing that to stick to me. I find myself having a hard time accepting the "spotlight" that is now on me every time I attend a gathering with my friends. As soon as I walk in the door the comments and questions start and I feel overwhelmed. For so many years I have accepted being the invisible one, I rather preferred it that way. I would always feel like everywhere I went all eyes were on me because I was huge or nobody would pay attention to me at all because I was huge. I have let my weight hold me back from the life I have always wanted. I had a full scholarship to school, but I stopped going because there was a point where sitting in the seats became uncomfortable. I never said anything about it I just let everyone believe university was not for me. In the past 9 years I have started and stopped going more times than I would like to admit. Now I have a hard time forgiving myself for letting so much time go by. I have let men walk all over me and treat me however they'd like because I honestly felt like that is what I deserved. I have been somebody's dirty little secret more times than not. I have never been in a real relationship before, so this dating game is totally new to me. I have been denied entry to clubs based on how I look. I have been weighed for a ride in front of the hundreds of people waiting in line only to be told I can't go on, then I had to do that walk of shame in front of everyone. I guess basically I am mad at the way the world treated me/ the way I allowed it to treat me, verses the way I get treated now. Boy is it really a whole new world. I don't know if anyone can relate or do I just sound like a crazy person?

Hello fellow Bandsters Well let's see I haven't been around because life's been a whirlwind lately (see previous post) but I had to post about my worse day yet. After playing yo-yo with the same five pounds over the last five months, I went in and got a fill on Tuesday. I tried to stay on the liquid diet for the three days but with my active lifestyle it was very difficult so i ate a light dinner each night. Wed night I had catfish, no problems, and last night I had chicken and I didnt think there was a problem either. But then I woke up in the middle of the night for a bathroom run and while up I took a swig of juice and laid back down. Something was wrong the juice wasn't going down. I got up and made it to the bathroom before the juice came up. Being exhaused I just climed back into bed and continued sleeping. Well today has been aweful! Everything that I've tried to eat/drink has come back up. I tried hot tea, came up. Cold tea, came up. A swig of Coca Cola, it came back up. Breakfast came up, lunch came up, snacks came up. So i hit up the site to see what suggestions were out there. I'd walked to work and on lunch and it wasn't helping. I tried jumping up and down and still no relief. Now mind you I'm not in pain but anything that goes down comes back up. I saw the post on women who experience tighter restriction during their menstrual periods, considered that to be the culprit but refused to continue to endure like this and didn't want to have any fluid taken out. Then i saw it. The post about papaya pills and pineapple juice (both enzymes). Off to the nearest store, a Walmart Express. To my relief they had pineapple juice. I started drinking as I walked back from the store and won't you believe it, it works! it works! it works! So if you ever experience the "stuck sensation" grab a bottle of Dole pineapple juice. 6oz is only 100 calories and its worth it!