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So for the past few months I've been making pretty good food choices as I figured that since I was going forward with this surgery I should start changing my eating habits sooner rather than later. I do protein shakes (I actually rather like them!), and a veggie/fruit/nut/dairy smoothie thats delicious and healthy. My body feels like it's running better and I have more energy since I've started actually acknowledging a need for a more healthy and varied diet. As I said above, I've been pretty good the last few months, but today I decided, "What the hell" and answered my craving for a Burger King Whopper Junior and fries. Plus soda, which I almost never drink. I figured having one fast food meal every now and then is no biggie, right? WRONG! My insides feel like they want to be outside and I dont think my gallbladder will ever forgive me. Uck. I also feel just plain ol' yuckie. So with my intestinal discomfort, why am I kinda happy, you ask? Because whilst I was consuming calorie and fat ladden foods I realized that it just didn't taste as good as it used to. It tasted...well...fatty and super processed. Fake. One shaky step up from fillet a la cardboard. Frankly it disgusted me and I have absolutely NO desire to eat that crap again. Healthy, tasty, natural foods are addictive and your taste buds do change over time. My revelation was kinda surprising and very welcome! Not bad for a pre-sleever, huh?

June 7th, 2007 was the day that I was banded. I weighed 286 pounds. Over the course of the next 18 months I made it all the way down to 206 pounds. Then my band slipped and I had to have corrective surgery and it scared me to pieces. Long story short.... the weight came back. Dang. Today I weighed 258.8 pounds. My goal weight is 186 pounds. This blog is going to be my daily record of what I am eating, how I am exercising and a documentation of the emotional journey that I am taking. I have heard it said that if I can lose it the second time I will never gain it back again. I don't know if that is true but I am willing to do it one more time.... on the thought of being healthy and athletic. Talk to you all tomorrow... Blessings, Michelle

The pounds go down on the scale...so it's been awhile since I've been on or blogged but just a quick update. I haven't had a fill since December... which was great at first then I got to the point where I was throwing up then ok then throwing up then ok... Not wanting to waste the co-pay and not get a fill I just decided to go it on my own.. Come late April/May I evidently hit my sweet spot because I've lost more weight in the last 3 months than I've lost the entire time I've had my band. I was starting to feel like I was a band failure hovering at the same weightloss since 6 months out of surgery... not really gaining, but not losing either.. or if I gained 10lbs losing it (hormonal) then just balancing out at the same range.. So now I am 1 yr 7 months out since surgery, it's been 8 months since my last fill and about 2.5 to 3 months since I hit my "sweet spot" I no longer HAVE to shop in fat girl stores, I am now able to shop in the skinny girl stores even if it's they're biggest size, it fits... So now my band is just truly giving me portion control...the way it's intended and now I'm losing losing losing.. I've also stopped weighing myself since the 1st...So I have absolutely no idea what I weigh at this point but everyone keeps telling me how I look like I've lost so much weight and I actually see the changes on an almost daily basis. I guess I've just stopped worrying about it and just doing my best to live right and eat clean... always room for improvement and it's a process but it's getting better everyday! Hope you're all doing well.

I was thinking today about what I've learned so far on this journey. Shockingly, it was a great deal. Here are the top 10: 10. Know yourself. There is a ton of advice all over the net and in our own circles.. but we have to be wise enough to know how to "eat the meat and throw away the bones." Not everything that others do will work for you. We've invested in our bodies and now we have to make sure we get a ROI (return on investment)!! Don't sabotage yourself by trying to stick with the regimen of someone else. If you're not sure, speak with your doctor or nutritionist/fitness expert. Your medical team created a plan specifically for YOU! So while it's always good to get ideas and advice, we have to make sure we are first and foremost doing what is best for us. 9. Goals. Look to the future always. Don't get complacent w/the amount of weight you've lost or frustrated with the amount of weight you haven't lost..but always keep reaching for your goal. Set small goals in the interim and reward yourself. We're busting our asses and deserve to be kind and sweet to ourselves every now and then. 8. Excuses, excuses! While we are our worst critics, we also tend to go easy on ourselves at the least opportune times. "I've been working hard..I deserve that slab of chocolate cake." "The kids wore me out, and now I can't exercise." Don't get me wrong, I think we all need a break and need to reward ourselves every once in a while..just be careful not to let it snowball. I made this decision because I needed a lifestyle change.. not to continue to give myself "outs." 7. Positivity. Stress causes the secretion of Cortisol.. which leads to weight gain in many people. Thinking positive and generally finding the good in your situations creates what I like to call, "Happy Juice." Aka: Endorphins! Also created when you work out! Endorphins crush Cortisol and can result in weight loss! So stay positive and encouraged..even if that doesn't cause you to lose weight, you'll be a happier person! 6. Kindness. Be kind to yourself. I have a very swift tongue and can cut someone down like a hot knife through butter... unfortunately, I can do the same thing to myself just as easily. Remember it takes time to see results..but if we keep placing one foot in front of the other and keep pushing we'll all get to where we want to be. 5. Do something! Move your feet and your ass will follow!! Everyone works at their own pace. They lose weight at their own pace and that's OK. If you want to see results (possibly faster) and reduce your risk of other complications that come along w/being overweight, get moving!! Even if it's 30mins a day..some of us spend more time than that on the phone, watching a movie, talking to a friend, reading a book.. etc. The good thing about those activities is they can all be done in conjunction w/exercise. 4. No Magic Bullet. This band is not a "fix all" ..after you get banded you will still have taste buds that crave certain foods.. you will still be a jerk or a prima donna..or a sweetheart.. you'll still have money problems if you had them before.. you'll still have personal life issues to deal with. The world doesn't stop just because we've gotten banded. As we're taking the steps to lose the weight, we must take the steps to improve ourselves to be more well-rounded and level people. Don't neglect the rest of your life..the band, while pivotal, is only a small portion of it! 3. Support. Surround yourself with like-minded people, with common goals..not just for the band, but for life. This is such a life altering experience and you find yourself not only wanting to do better health-wise, but improve all the aspects of it. Make sure you have people in your life that will add to it, and not deduct from it. 2. Keep it simple stupid! Don't major in the minors!! The band is hard...but it's not complicated. Follow the rules and listen to your body (the good stuff) and you will succeed. Don't make the band something it's not or try to complicate it. It's a simple tool.. work it and it works!! 1. Prepare to wait! Patience is KEY in losing weight this way. As the saying goes, "We didn't put this weight on overnight.. we won't lose it overnight." I'm learning a ton about myself..but the most important thing I'm really starting to grasp is that I'm worth it!! =) -Mary-

I have heard the same harsh comments as many people have...just cut back, exercise, diet, drink more water, eat more veggies...you name it, and I have probably heard it. I didn't choose to be overweight, it just seemed to creep up on me slowly and before I knew it, I weighed 300 pounds...from having kids, from not being active, from being a good cook, from marrying into an Italian family. I had WLS after my husband said to me that he was concerned about me and my health, and that he wanted me to be around so we could enjoy retirement together. He didn't want me to sleep all day and not be able to go for a walk, and mostly he could see how I was depressed from my weight. He is my biggest supporter, and he didn't care how much it would cost, just "get it done". So, after years of yoyo dieting, trying every fad diet in the land, I was banded and I have to say it is the best money I have ever spent. I do not regret it for one moment because you see, I am a food-aholic...just like an alcoholic, but with food. I was not able to help myself. Now, I have learned healthy eating habits and choose the foods that appeal to me. I no longer crave the chips, chocolates, ice cream, cake, cookies, popcorn that used to rule my life. Now when I get a hankering for something to eat, my thoughts turn to protein, veggies and fruit. But I know this would not have been possible without my band. My band is a reminder to me each and every day of the new me, and I am going to be on this wonderful journey forever. So, when someone gives you a bunch of grief because you have decided or did have WLS, tell them to walk a mile in your shoes, and tell them to be sure to climb those stairs 2 or 3 times a day, and then tell them it is not a crime to want something better for yourself, to want to be around to see your kids or grand kids get married, to see them graduate. My bi-weekly trips to my dr's office are fantastic. I get excited to get on the scale and see that it has moved backwards, closer to a new me. The dr is proud of me too, and I can tell you, that goes a long way in my book of "good feelings". So if you are contemplating WLS, I say B-R-A-V-O. YOU GO AN 'GET'ER DONE'. You will probably find the road a little bumpy at times, but so worth it. I LOVE MY BAND Zil Banded 8/19/2011, starting weight, 299, weight loss to date 76#s, and another 65 to go...hoping to make it by 11/1/2012. Oh, BTW, it did take me 5 months to get into the green zone and that was with fills every 2 weeks.

Okay so I have never done this so here goes nothing... Be nice lol. I had my surgery on sept 15 2011. On the day of surgery I was 261lbs and today I am 197lbs... 64 pounds gone. The day that I was under 200 I could not stop jumping around because I have not seen that number since I was about 16 years old. I am loving loving loving my weight loss. I still feel huge, and everyone keeps telling me how great I look but I just still feel like "THE FAT GIRL" and yes it has to be in all caps because that is how I felt for basically my whole life. I think that since I have been that girl since I was about 5 it might take me a little time to get used to a new me. I have the support of my family and friends, but I feel like that is not enough because they don't really know what it's like. In their eyes it's... oh you were huge now you're loosing weight problem solved... But it is so much more than that. I feel angry at the world sometimes because of how cruel some people have been to me, and I still feel that resentment a little bit. I feel angry with my parents for only focusing on my weight for so many years that my definition of myself can not start without... My name is Kalila and I am obese! That's it there is no more to me other than that. I blame them for making a little girl feel that way and now as an adult I blame myself for allowing that to stick to me. I find myself having a hard time accepting the "spotlight" that is now on me every time I attend a gathering with my friends. As soon as I walk in the door the comments and questions start and I feel overwhelmed. For so many years I have accepted being the invisible one, I rather preferred it that way. I would always feel like everywhere I went all eyes were on me because I was huge or nobody would pay attention to me at all because I was huge. I have let my weight hold me back from the life I have always wanted. I had a full scholarship to school, but I stopped going because there was a point where sitting in the seats became uncomfortable. I never said anything about it I just let everyone believe university was not for me. In the past 9 years I have started and stopped going more times than I would like to admit. Now I have a hard time forgiving myself for letting so much time go by. I have let men walk all over me and treat me however they'd like because I honestly felt like that is what I deserved. I have been somebody's dirty little secret more times than not. I have never been in a real relationship before, so this dating game is totally new to me. I have been denied entry to clubs based on how I look. I have been weighed for a ride in front of the hundreds of people waiting in line only to be told I can't go on, then I had to do that walk of shame in front of everyone. I guess basically I am mad at the way the world treated me/ the way I allowed it to treat me, verses the way I get treated now. Boy is it really a whole new world. I don't know if anyone can relate or do I just sound like a crazy person?

Today, I didn't have the fatigue mid-morning like I did the other days. Step in the right direction! I'm getting better and better every day I'll be making an appointment to remove my stitches soon. Can't wait Starting protein shakes tonite

So today is the official start day of the "Be My Valentine Challenge" looking forward to it, my goal is to lose ten pounds by the end of February, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. So glad to be eating mushies today, was on liquids all day yesterday and it was no fun! On top of that I worked overtime, and I did not give up on the gym, and why is it when I'm at the gym there are a ton of food commercials on? Really???? This morning I was up at 3am, I've been doing that every night, I wish it would stop because it makes me so tired in the afternoon! Well time to get my day started, have a sick cat at home (Buddy), or he could be faking it, I don't know. All I want to do is get my day over get home and make sure he's okay, I'm such an animal lover. All he did was cough a little this morning and I freaked out, almost called the vet at 6am! But I'm just going to monitor how he's doing because he's eating and drinking, going to the bathroom, and is not hiding or acting depressed. I think he did it for attention (the coughing) to get me out of bed so he could eat!!! Yes, I am the cat lady (just kidding!) Have a wonderful day!!!!

What was I thinking not taking today off work? Mondays are my busiest days, with only one prep period. And I have lunch duty this week. Not to mention that my sixth graders are being particularly chatty and unfocused today, which is really annoying in light of the other Ws to follow. Why when I went back to my apartment to grab my umbrella (because it rains so often in the desert) after missing the bus to work did I also take some of my medicines out of my bag? Specifically my Children's Advil. My port site incision is HURTING. Granted, not the worst pain I've felt in my life, but it certainly doesn't make me want to be around kids today. Fortunately, my lovely friend and school nurse is going to give me some medicine next period while my students are in the library, so hopefully it will feel better soon. When is nap time? I am tired. Not exhausted, but I could certainly use a nap. Tragically, I don't get a nap today. And the overhead ultraviolet lighting is only making my eyes feel heavier. **********Nine Hours Later********** W also apparently stands for wind, and no, I'm not talking about gas. I'm talking about my second wind, which came around 11:00 this morning. Upon reflection, I tend to tell my students I don't wake up until 10:00, so I'm only an hour off my game. Sweet! And lastly, W is for weigh in. I had my first one post-op today, along with a dressing change which I was dreading. The dressing change was actually no big deal at all. Everything looks good, according to the doctor. And, drumroll please, since beginning my liquid diet eight days ago, I have lost 8.8.bs! Woohoo! This drops me from 292.6lbs to 283.8lbs. In just over a week! In the past nine years, my highest weight was 324lbs. and my lowest was 274lbs. My first goal for myself is to see a number lower than that. I am super excited!