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Dear Food, I know you think I'm stupid for talking to you because...well, you're food and you can't hear me. I just want to tell you that it's been quite a ride these last 42 years. We've had our ups and ups and ups and ups and downs and ups and ups. It's time for our relationship to change. I'm not breaking up with you, because I still need you to live, however, our relationship has to change now. And really....believe me when I say...It's not you. It's me. I'm the one with the problem, so don't ever blame yourself. You're really sweet. And salty. And delicious...OH WHAT AM I SAYING....how can we ever part?? NO!! We must part for a time. Two weeks- no more than five, I promise. When we come back together- things will be different. You must hide your sweetness from me. Don't tempt me further with your refinements. I want to see the REAL you....the one with all the vitamins and minerals and protein...yes...I said protein. Hey, I told you things were going to change. And for pete's sake, stop bringing your friends around! But don't worry...you'll always have a place...sorta...close to my heart... No, I didn't have a mental break. I start liquids Monday. (siiiigh)

I'm one day post-op and I feel like a million bucks. I'm sore of course, but I haven't taken any pain medicine all day - I figure if my menstrual cramps were this bad, I wouldn't take pain meds for them, so why for this? All in all, I feel pretty good - its hard to get comfortable for me because i'm a stomach sleeper - well - at least I won't be for a while. We checked in at the hotel and its a beautiful room - just kinda haning out - hubby is snoozing - I took a little nap. Time seems to crawl by - I have to be back at the clinic for a checkup at 5- they come to get us. I swear if the peope at the clinc were any nicer, they'd melt in the rain like sugar. I can't get over how they are so genuinely sweet. They don't condescend to you, they don't forget about you. They're really there to take care of you. I'm now to the point where I can sip water, but I still feel pretty hydrated from the iv's. I cannot wait to take a shower. Hopefully that will be tonite. I'm still a little gassy, but nothing spectacular. I'm hoping to sleep through the night, but don't have any expectations to. Again, that's just me - I'm an insomniac. Oh - and everyone at the clinic is just gorgeous. Inside and out.

So after a bit of a stall in weight loss, I hit a milestone today. I am now down a total of 40 pounds from my start weight. The last two pounds took their sweet time comng off but today I was so excited when I got off the scale I was jumping up and down -naked, in my dining room. Thank god my kids were still asleep. Now only 80 lbs more to go. I am third of the way to my goal and I'm use over a month post op. This week I made some discoveries I want to share: First- If I'm going have any money left to buy nice clothes by the time I reach my goal weight I need need to figure out how to get clothing now for my change body that doesn't break the bank but I still feel good in. I bought a pair of size 18 jeans two weeks ago-$25 on sale - too big now. All my other jeans too big to wear out of house cause if I move around too much they fall down, or they look too frumpy because too big. So...I found a new second hand store that had just open near by a friend of mine took me too on Wednesday. It was nicer then most and had some really nice clothing for cheap. I got three pairs of designer jeans-one still had original price tag of $65 -size 16, all for under $20 TOTAL! - They were really tight on Wednesday, had to lie down to get zipped, but not so bad today. I actually got them on and up while standing up with no problem. Second- Oikos Key Lime Greek Yogurt-If you crumble up a small bit of graham cracker on top, It tastes very much like a Real Key Lime Pie. 11 grams of protein and 150 calories. I felt like I was being so bad but I wasn't. Third- When I was putting makeup, to go to meeting at kids new school, on this morning I noticed I had cheek bones again!!! So cool. I actually skipped to my friends car in my new not too tight jeans. Take care everyone.

So... I'm constantly reading around on the forums for support encouragement, inspiration and experiences. Lately I've come across so many angry and negative experiences and comments that I have to admit I actually lost some sleep. Hek... I even called the doc and was about to ask for another fill without weighing in to check results on my first fill. I know we are all individuals with different results. Even extremely varying results, but it seems a lot of posts blasting the lap-band don't really tell the full story. What did these people eat? Was there any other medical conditions? And if it truly did not work I don't believe it was the lapbands fault. Sometimes things are beyond our control. Sometimes things are written down in detail right under our nose and we choose to ignore them so we don't step out of our comfort zone. I have also read many post about people giving up on the band and getting gastric bypass. This is extremely shocking to me. My brother had gastric bypass 10 years ago after stepping on a freight scale that read 590 lbs. I have watched him go though hell, still over eat, need supplements for all vitamins and minerals (because with gb you only absorb

I have my plane tickets surgery scheduled with Dr. Garcia for Feb 22. Diet starts soon

I can cross my legs!!!! I can cross my legs..like a WOMAN!! WHOOO-HOOOO! It does not look perfect,(as in.. back of knee is not, FLUSH against top of knee) BUT the fact that I'm capable to in any fashion, is AMAZING! Just had to share..Can't remember the last time I was able to <3

I have...at least that's how it feels right now, but at least I have my band. Surgery took about an hour, no hernia to fix and I'm told my liver was shrunk nicely. Also, I hit my pre op weight loss goal of 20 lbs., score! I cant say I'm digging the soreness right now, but i will say there is no way I'm going back to fast food after this; its not worth the pain.

Anyone that read/watches Dexter knows about his "dark passenger" that is his inner voice that urges him to kill. Well, recently I discovered I have a fat passenger. She is a morbidly obese woman who is addicted to eating. I kept trying to shut her up with cheeseburgers and sadly she started taking over my body. So, I'm not going to give in to the bitch any more . She can whine all she wants but I am taking control back. hahahaha

I have figured out the ticker and my ticker slider keeps going down...I mean going down in a good way - in LBS! My husband is rather freaked out that I haven't eaten anything in 11+days - from the perspective that I would never miss a substantial meal and snacks prior. I keep telling him that these 'delicious' protein shakes are food and I am getting nutrition and calories. am looking forward to the pureed phase, which is just two weeks away. He is very supportive and has been more conscious of what he is eating also. Love the boomerang effect. I'm going back to work on Monday and looking forward to that. It is nice to be able to lie flat in bed without any tugging or pain and this has been so for the past three nights. Going for a walk/hike today along the coast in Pacifica, CA. One of my favorite places. Seems strange that I have lost 20lbs in 11 days and I'm not starving nor hungry. I'm in shock that I am under the 100lb marker of how many more lbs until my goal weight. Life and how I am starting to feel about my body is good, no...pretty darn terrific. One Love.

Ok, one thing I've definitely learned is at this point, I can really only sip water/liquids (and, that is the instructions given...take sips). It hurts, like heartburn, if I do more than just sips. So, sip I will! I think today is a turning point as far as the pain factor. YEAH! I've taken the pain meds basically to sleep at night and I think I'm done with that. I also think I might just go back to work this Thursday or Friday! Whoop Whoop! My original plan or atleast I thought is what I would do prior to my surgery was that I'd be able to go back to work a week after. If I go back this Thursday or Friday, it will be 9 days post surgery, not 7 days. I think is is truly possible. So I bought my first scale yesterday at Costco. I also walked all around Costco with my hubby and then later in the day walked on the treadmill (slowly) for 30 mins. Anyway, about the scale, if my scale reads the same as the one used right before my vsg surgery on 1/17, then I've lost 12lbs as of this morning. Shoot, 12lbs in 6 days...what, what?!?! Yes, I will take that. Here's a secret and something weighing on my heart. I told my work I was having 'female surgery' - not bariatric surgery. I feel absolutely horrible that I've lied about this really important life changing action I've taken. It will likely weigh on me to much and I will come clean eventually. It's all about the personal weight embarrassment issues I have. I absolutely do not like to lie, but I have. I'm sure the truth will prevail...or at least catch up with me. I have actually only informed my husband and three friends of mine about the vsg surgery. I haven't lied to my family, but I haven't told them yet either. I want to be healed up before I do. I've taken a few showers, but my belly is looking rather frightful and I still have the bandage strips and patches on my incisions - five of them. I swear they are iron clad stuck there and will be hanging on like an unwelcome house guest for a while. However, I can fully envision looking at my future flat stomach (yes, there will be lots of hard workouts and time to achieve this) and will only tiny signs of incisions! Today is the true first day I woke up and the thought.."Why did I do this to myself?"..didn't come first to mind. I totally know why and I an so thankful and proud of myself for having done it. The excitement continues to grow... One Love.