Leaderboard

Well--my pants are getting pretty loose now, but I refuse to buy new ones cause I have so much more weight to lose. So---at least for my work pants-which are work issued ugly pants--I decided I had to break down & get a belt. So since I need a plain black leather belt, I just went to JCP & the mens dept. Well when I found the right belt size, I realized that its length was almost as tall as me!!! YIKES!! I AM NOT BUYING THAT!! My waist is almost as round as I am tall???? DENY DENY DENY!! I hastily changed that plan & decided that I will risk a walk down a camera monitored hallway & have my pants fall to the ground to the amusement of everyone!! Americas Funniest Home Videos here I come!! lol

After thinking about it for a long time, I have decided to put all of my fears and concerns down here in writing, no matter how irrational or insignificant they may be. I like to imagine that a few years down the road I will come back here and read this and think "Oh, how silly I was for being afraid of that!" So, here goes... I am afraid of being one of those unfortunate ones who doesn't lose a significant amount of weight with the band. I am afraid of dying on the table and leaving my family to pick up the pieces. I am afraid of having too much excess skin after I lose the weight and having to battle the insurance company to have it removed. I am afraid of the pain of post-op and recovering from surgery again. I worry that even with the band, I will not be teaching my son to have a healthy relationship with food. I am freaked out by the idea that I may become attractive to other men, and that I will not be able to deal with any attention that I might receive from them (that one takes a lot of bold-faced honesty to actually write down) I worry that my band will slip or erode, and that I will have to have it removed or revised. I am afraid that I will sabotage myself subconsciously and consistently "eat around the band." I am afraid that my boyfriend will not know how to handle my weight loss and either leave or cheat. I am afraid that I will have to struggle so hard to lose weight even with the band that I will give up and decide to be fat and happy vs. thin and miserable. I am afraid that my fibromyalgia will get worse after I lose weight. (I have had several acquaintances with fibro and WLS tell me that this has happened to them) I am afraid that my fibro will keep me from exercising and therefore cause me to gain all my weight back. I am afraid that I will become so paranoid about gaining weight that I will become obsessive about tracking calories, and lose my joy. I am afraid of having the surgery, losing all this weight, and still dying of a heart attack at 50. I am afraid of being labeled as a "cheater" for having surgery instead of doing it the old fashioned way. I am afraid of being under the magnifying glass when it comes to people who I choose to tell, and that they will constantly be watching me and waiting for me to mess up. I am afraid of dealing with my bipolar grandmother once she finds out that I have had this done. She is super judgmental and can be very mean and thoughtless sometimes. I am afraid that some other family members might start getting passive-aggressive when I start really losing weight, as if I were competition to them instead of just being happy for me. I am afraid of losing my boobs. I know this is probably tmi, but they're already on the small side for my weight and I don't want to end up flat-chested. I am afraid of losing my promise ring. It is already starting to get loose and I have only lost 10 pounds. I am afraid of losing a bunch of weight, having my rings resized, then gaining back so much weight that they don't fit anymore. I worry about becoming seriously depressed again after my surgery. I did with the last ones, and nobody told me beforehand that it was normal to get that way post-op. I am afraid that I have already done too much damage to my body and that even after losing weight it won't heal. I am afraid of being denied by my insurance company and not being able to have the surgery in the first place. That's all I can think of at the moment. The rational part of me says that most of these are silly, and that the rest of them won't be as big a deal as I think they will. But in any case, I have them written down now so that I can look back at them in the future.

Today I am visting my dr and I am not sure if I am asking the right questions. I am being sleeved Feb 6th. I have a lot of questions about complications because I am stating to have a lot of fears about the surgery lately. I have questions about vitamins, gall bladders, eating timeline, heartburn. I feel like I am forgetting a bunch of stuff. BTW This board has been a lifesaver for me. I am learning so much!!!

I have to say, I feel great! I am not having any issues. I went for my first post-op visit last week and was told that I can start my mushy stage this week. So, I'm looking forward to a little more solid foods. I do have to admit, I have cheated a couple times and had 'real' food with no issues. I was careful to chew extremely well and take small bites. Other than a little gas, I felt normal. I am concerned since my appetite has returned. I am looking forward to my first fill. I know that I need the restriction in my band because the hunger can be oerwhelming at times. And a protein shake only lasts for about 4 hours before Im starving again. I know this is normal, and just take each day as it comes. I'm happy with my progress and know that when I start getting my fills I will feel much better and not so hungry. Thanks to all of you on this forum, its great to have people of all stages of this process to bounce ideas, comments, and suggestions off of. I have learned so much and appreciate you!

Okay - weight this morning was 374.4 I was hoping for less, but dinner was salty last night. I'm feeling a visitor coming along too - oh well, as long as I'm doing the right thing - what the scale says doesn't matter - its gonna be singing a different tune very soon anyway.

{DRAFT DIRECTIONS - I'll keep refining these until they are near exact - That will help folks who are new to using web applications - last updated 1/8/12 1pm pst} This is how add the Chart to my Blog. Sign up at Myfitness Pal website Enter all your wt and wt loss settings via the settings link Go to "Reports" Tab Select "Progress", Choose a report type "Weight" , Reporting period "Last 7 days" Click "View Report" button Once the chart is generated, using print screen or 'snip it' in windows create an image that you can save to your desk top (remember the name! this is the image you will override each week as you see progress) Log back into LBT. Create a Gallery for this new chart image. By doing that you do not have to 'host' the image on a 3rd party server you can utilize the URL from the LBT gallery as a means to post the chart in your blog, forum posts etc. Each week, re log into the myfitness pal site, update your stats, repeat the screencapture sets & upload the newest chart image to your gallery.

I haven't blog in awhile so here it goes! I am feeling so good right now I'm doing things that I couldn't do a year ago such as I took my kids to the zoo when I was at my heaviest and seriously thought I was going to die because of the hills and it was not enjoyable for me because I couldn't hardly breath my legs hurt and I wanted to go home but I stuck it out because it wasn't about me it was about my kids I've since then I've lost a lot of weight and went back to the zoo last weekend ! Now on a mental note I've still have more weight to loose and my skinny sister in law that weighs about 120lbs was with me and I was out doing her in the walking the hills "hehehe" and I wasn't out of breath at all my legs didn't hurt and I was having a good time with my kids I think I even could of done another round lol! Its those kinds of things I look back that I couldn't do that I can now . I'm a hairdresser something I love doing I had to stop because I couldn't take being on my feet anymore since I've lost the weight I'm back to doing it again ! I'm a happier mom because I play out in the yard with my kids and run ! I'm fighting the battle of the bulge and I'm winning this war !