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Well yesterday was 1 month since my surgery! And my first fill was on Jan 4th--I got 4cc's. I kind of panicked at first cause when I ate I didnt get that full feeling I thought I was supposed to. But Im measuring my food & sticking to the program. Ill just wait till my next visit in 6 weeks & see what happens. Ive been doing my workouts (not weights yet)---treadmill & elliptical & working w/bands---I feel great! Im down 25 lbs since my pre-op diet started on turkey day. Just losing that 25 lbs has made me feel like a new person. My clothes are loose--even my shoes are!! The only thing that has thrown me off is going back to work---I was able to be off almost a whole month--using vaca, holiday, sick & then my disability time (thank you God!)---so I go back to work & its like all my insecurities came flooding back!! I felt like my clothes werent loose enough--that I had gained back alot of the weight!! I just have to get over how I feel when Im at that place--and how my co-workers make me feel. 2 days back at work & I felt like this LARGE insignificant, invisible, useless person again. Hate that!!! So, to go along w/my physical transformation, Im working on my emotional & mental too---I have such low self-esteem & low self-worth its crazy. To do that, Im forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone!! Im not sitting idle on the couch,watching tv for one. Im signing up for water aerobics & ready to try archery again!! All the things Ive wanted to do---Im doing them!! Archery, fencing, horseback riding----Im all in!! This surgery is my ticket to places!! And Im taking over the workplace!! lol

So, today I am feeling a bit weird. Weak. Stoned (as one of my bandster friends said). Or like I just took some antihistamines. I think this is because I did not eat nearly enough yesterday. Not just protein, but anything. I wasn't hungry. I'm not hungry today, but I'm making myself eat. Frozen fruit pop, stock with protein added, jello. The doctor even said I can do yogurt at this point but, as I'm not a huge fan I would prefer not. I also did not get enough water in yesterday, so I'm having to remind myself to drink, drink, drink. Which leads me to the letter G. G stands for Gas. Yes, gas. I have gas. On surgery day, the gas was really noticeable. It made me feel like someone punched me in my gut (another G). As the days progress, the gas gets less, but it is still there nonetheless. Thus, I make a point of getting up and moving frequently. This results in some rather significant belches, followed by my utterance of another G: "That was glorious." I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, as I live alone. I'm not even saying it to my cat, who is very sad that she cannot climb up on my belly for cuddles. I simply say it because each large belch really is glorious. The not so glorious end of the gas is the farting. When I feel a fart come along, I must extricate myself from my bed and go to the bathroom because, more often than not and my apologies for the TMI, the fart is accompanied by diarrhea. Granted, this could be worse. My bathroom is only a few steps from my bed and the diarrhea is not of the sort that results in an RBA (raw, burning a**hole). So, as it is right now, I am accepting of the farting. Yet another end of the gas is the third G for today's installment: Gurgling. When I walk, I gurgle. When I lay, I gurgle. And when I drink, I gurgle even more. I have a veritable symphony of gurgling going on in my gullet. I should start laying some notes down on staff, that's how musical my insides have become. I am like Pooh Bear. There is a rumbly in my tumbly. Tomorrow, I am hoping for less gas and more feeling like myself. But for today, I will continue my Will & Grace marathon and enjoy the cacophony of sounds emanating from my abdomen.

so...this is my very first blog, ever ! i don't really know what a blog consists of, but i had this terrible urge to create one and write... i guess mainly because i fell off the bandwagon. when i started this journey i was full of hope, dreams and determination. That was 5 months ago. i remember how i keept saying to myself that i had failed at every other diet, excercise promgram and i was not going to fail at this. but here i'am once again admitting that i have failed, that i am a filure! i can say this time its different. Because i am taking responsibility. in the past it was always the ''pill'' i was taking's fault, or the excercise regime was too hard, or i dint have time to exersice. but this time i take full responsability of not losing any weight. if ther is a plus that does make me feel a little good is that i have not gained any weight. since my surgey in 8/11 i have lost 20lbs. I know thats great, and i felt sooo good, it was empowering to fit back into my closthes and be able to bend down and cross my legs without holding my knee !!! but i know in my ♥ i could have done so much better. I realize as i am typing that there is a deeper reason to why i cant stop eating bread and rice and fried foods and exercise regulary. ( i did undulge in those foods, but not in excess ) I am scared of the road to success, becuase it implies the posibilities of failure and quiting. i face it , its happened evertime. thats why i droped out of every activity in my life. I am scared of not succeceeding so i dont try very hard and i dont give it my all. There i said it !! how liberating. That is the truth, in my mind i keep telling myself "' why try if your going to fail in the end?" why go thru all this trouble if sooner or later your going to go back to your old ways. I am scared of giving my all, every ounce of sweat, strenght and feelings if in the end i will feel like worst of a failure. A failure for giving all that I am and still failing. Vs not giving it all and at the end i can say to myself " well atleast you didnt pour everything into this !", makes the feeling of failing less hurtful. i dont know if others out there can relate. I can say that today is another day and that I am going to try again, and again. This time i am going to give it more and try to change my mentality that its going to fail. i am going to have a little more faith in me and my abilities to succeed. I am going to be positive for a change. My husband says i am a negative person, i answer by say i am realistic of the posibility or realistic of all that can go wrong. for once in my life i am going to be realistic of all that can go right and of the positives.

so...this is my very first blog, ever ! i don't really know what a blog consists of, but i had this terrible urge to create one and write... i guess mainly because i fell off the bandwagon. when i started this journey i was full of hope, dreams and determination. That was 5 months ago. i remember how i keept saying to myself that i had failed at every other diet, excercise promgram and i was not going to fail at this. but here i'am once again admitting that i have failed, that i am a filure! i can say this time its different. Because i am taking responsibility. in the past it was always the ''pill'' i was taking's fault, or the excercise regime was too hard, or i dint have time to exersice. but this time i take full responsability of not losing any weight. if ther is a plus that does make me feel a little good is that i have not gained any weight. since my surgey in 8/11 i have lost 20lbs. I know thats great, and i felt sooo good, it was empowering to fit back into my closthes and be able to bend down and cross my legs without holding my knee !!! but i know in my ♥ i could have done so much better. I realize as i am typing that there is a deeper reason to why i cant stop eating bread and rice and fried foods and exercise regulary. ( i did undulge in those foods, but not in excess ) I am scared of the road to success, becuase it implies the posibilities of failure and quiting. i face it , its happened evertime. thats why i droped out of every activity in my life. I am scared of not succeceeding so i dont try very hard and i dont give it my all. There i said it !! how liberating. That is the truth, in my mind i keep telling myself "' why try if your going to fail in the end?" why go thru all this trouble if sooner or later your going to go back to your old ways. I am scared of giving my all, every ounce of sweat, strenght and feelings if in the end i will feel like worst of a failure. A failure for giving all that I am and still failing. Vs not giving it all and at the end i can say to myself " well atleast you didnt pour everything into this !", makes the feeling of failing less hurtful. i dont know if others out there can relate. I can say that today is another day and that I am going to try again, and again. This time i am going to give it more and try to change my mentality that its going to fail. i am going to have a little more faith in me and my abilities to succeed. I am going to be positive for a change. My husband says i am a negative person, i answer by say i am realistic of the posibility or realistic of all that can go wrong. for once in my life i am going to be realistic of all that can go right and of the positives.

I have 4 more days to go. I went out to dinner with some friends tonight and I walked into an intervention. They don't want me to have surgery!!!! I was floored because these friends are as overweight or more than I am. I thought that they would be more encouraging because they KNOW how it feels to be overweight. I am sooooooooo amazed that my "skinny" friends are more encouraging. These are friends that I see rarely, so it is not a huge deal. But I ONLY told them because they are overweight like me and I thought THEY would understand and be supportive. I am very disappointed, but I am moving forward with my plans to have surgery on 1/11/2012 @ 7am ... REGARDLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My daughter isn't gun-ho about it either, but she admits to being selfish because she knows that I'm going to be cooking differently and for a while I am not cooking at all. I've frozen meals for her, but she doesn't usually like left overs ... but I am sure she will get over it. Yesterday I had my pre-op appt. it was great ... I guess. I was given a lot of information. I was feeling a little overwhelmed. But I am excited about the end results of the surgery, but I am not looking forward to the impending pain. I didn't lose the 6 pounds I gained, but I did lose 4 pounds ... whooo hooo!!! I have learned that low carbs can assist with weight loss! My fav low carb meal is veggie spicy sausage mixed with spinach, 1/2 oz of cream cheese and spicy Mrs. Dash ... it is soooooo yummy. When I want an extra protein boost I scramble in an egg. I know that after the surgery spicy foods will not be allowed for a while, but until then ... Yaaaay spicy!!!! Now I need to pack my overnight bag for the hospital and for my stay at my mom's after surgery. I would like to thank EVERYone that contributed to the list of things that are needed after surgery Good Night!!!!

I enjoy reading the different entries. It so gives us all a chance to ask questions, vent, share, etc. This section has been a Godsend to me many times over the past 6 months. I am realitively newly banded (August 2011), and I am very proud to say I have lost 70+ pounds to date. I want to share my best advice with those who may need it. #1 find a doctor/surgeon you have confidence in - one that will take their time with you, answer all your questions, and give you the truth. #2 remember that having the lapband procedure (or any WLS) is a personal choice, and no one can make it for you. #3 if you decide to go ahead an have the lapband surgery done, you will need to work to make it a success. Remember, the band is not a cure all for weight loss. Along with the band comes hard word. #4 you will have to follow the rules given you by your doctor. #5 no matter how how you try to avoid it, you will have to exercise. No excuses will be tolerated. #6 you are going to have to say good bye to the bad foods if you really want to be successful. That means saying no to chips, candy, popcorn, bread, cookies, cake, ice cream and a whole host of other foods that have caused us to become overweight. #7 reconfirm your convictions. #8 find family and friends who will support you throughout your journey. #9 be proud if you made the decision to have wls. Anyone who says you could have done it without surgery has probably never been overweight. Me??? I was obese, I weighed 299 at my heaviest point, and decided then and there I had to do something so I would be around to dance at my granddaughter's wedding (she's only 9). #10 after care is a must. I started getting fills 1 month after surgery and have received one every 2 weeks since then, 8 total. I have finally reached the green zone after 4 1/2 months. Be sure to drink you water, eat your protein first, and then fiber, fuits and veggies. Most of all, have faith in yourself and your decision. It took me 10 years to have wls, and I am a self-pay. It was the best money I have ever spent. I am now more than 1/2 way to my goal, and once I reach that, tummy tuck here I come. I LOVE MY BAND, AND I BELIEVE YOU WILL TOO.