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I quit smoking over 12 years ago. I didn't want to quit smoking; I quit because my husband had serious heart problems. If he didn't quit, his doctor said he would live 10 more years. My husband stated point blank that he would not be able to successfully quit if I was smoking. I recall feeling panicky at having to quit smoking. In my nicotine addicted mind, cigarettes were paired with so many activities and I couldn't imagine enjoying any of them without a cigarette. Before we quit, I wanted to go on vacation because I couldn't imagine relaxing at the beach without smoking. I wanted to go our favorite steak restaurant so I could have a post-dinner cigarette with a glass of port in the lounge. I wanted to go to Atlantic City and play the slot machines. It took me many years to realized that my pairing of pleasurable activities with cigarettes was a component of my nicotine addiction. Prior to being banded, I started having those same panicked pairing of activities. Could I enjoy a meal at a restaurant without overeating? Would I enjoy holidays without overeating? Could I go to a theme park and not gorge on junk food? I am still learning to live with my band. But I am confident that I am unpairing pleasure from food addiction. Thanksgiving was a wonderful day and meal. I savored the few bites of cheesecake (low fat/no sugar) that I tasted. I enjoyed our office holiday lunch and ordered a drink and an appetizer. Because I ate slowly and chatted while I was eating, I finished my meal around the same time as the people that had three courses. I went to Disney and ordered kids meals; I was satisfied with the portion sizes and saved a lot of $$$. I know that overcoming a food addiction is a process. However recognizing that I have one is a good beginning.

I posted this as my status today: "This journey, regardless of how much or how little support we have, is an individual one. No one else can lose the weight for you. Take the encouragement, the support, the good w/the bad and separate the meat from the bones... and ultimately do what works and what's best for you! That is always a key in success!" How does this tie in to honesty? Well, I'll tell you. I've noticed, not only in the few short days I've been banded, but in the entire time I've been researching lap band, that everyone has advice to give. We all want the keys to success; what it took for others to lose the weight; the exercises and the food they ate. But the truth is, what works for one won't always work for everyone else. Not everyone gained the weight because they've over eaten or because they're lazy. Just like everyone has their own reasons for gaining the weight, everyone will have their own means of losing it, even if we are all using the same tool. Encouragement and advice are great and I know we all have a lot to learn on this journey, but it starts with being honest with ourselves. We were honest (or vain) enough to realize we needed the lap band and now it's about being honest enough to admit our limitations and strongholds. Food is an addiction that we're trying to kick (we know that), but my food addiction isn't yours. My habits are not yours, and I have to be real enough with myself to understand that if I'm going to succeed, I have to do what is going to work for me.. and you need to do what will work for you. This starts with listening to your surgical team, dietician, nutritionist, etc. If there's one thing that remains consistent in all of the advice I've received from successful lap banders, it would be, "If you follow the rules, you'll lose the weight." Not just the universal lap band rules, but those set forth for your individual program, for your individual needs. One of the dangers of trying to follow the regimen of someone else is that you may not be able to live up to it, because it's not tailor made for you. And on this journey, that is one thing I think is definitely a plus; the capability to contour the band to work for YOU! Remember that there are people that have health issues and co-morbidities that may affect their regimen. Don't waste time trying to compare yourself to everyone else, do what works for you! We all want to be successful.. get this weight off and strut our stuff! Be healthier...be happier! For me, it's starts with doing what works for me and building from there! =) O well, that's enough ranting for now. Just had a few things on my mind I wanted to share. All the best!! -Mary-

So I figured I would make another post since I left alot out of my last drugged up blog lol I've now been home from the hospital for 2 and a half days. Today has been ok, better than yesterday. I got 8 hours of sleep in 4 hour blocks. I went a full 8 hours without pain meds for the first time but i think only because i was asleep during most of that. I've got this huge bruise on my inside arm from where they did one of the IVs, looks like chopped liver and turning all sorts of colors now. The backs of my legs have been itchy since the surgery, its very weird. I'm not sure if its because of the inflatable things they had on my legs while i was in the hospital. Its not as bad as it was but still concerning. I've also got 2 blisters under my steri strips. One is much larger than the other and its near the outside not near the incision. I just cut off the steri strip section that was covering the blisters and dabbed it with some hydrogen peroxide. Hope they clear up tomorrow. My stomach has also been itching all over since surgery. I think i'm starting to get dehydrated, my tongue is whitish on top. I only got in 44 ounces today and i know even less yesterday. Its weird that I get more gassy when i drink plain water than when i drink crystal light water. The gas is still a problem. Sometimes i have a gas bubble when i take a drink even if its a sip and it feels like i have to burp but usually cant. I've also had sharp gas pains that feel like they're near my back spine area. I've been trying to walk every hour for at least 5 minutes at a time, not sure if this is enough, the Dr didnt really say how much. I'm confused on what clear liquids mean because the box of powder they gave me to make into soup surely isnt clear, its also disgusting so i started taking canned progresso soups and draining them and having the broth from them. I figure as long as its pretty runny liquid(nothing creamy) it should be ok. I've decided to stop reading the forums as they started freaking me out with the stories of leaks etc. Being self pay I literally cannot afford a leak. So i'm just keeping my fingers crossed and trying to follow every rule. On the bright side the scale said 298 today, its the first time i've been under 300 in like 7 years. So I lost 16lbs on the pre op diet and another 2lbs since Monday and i know I still have alot of water weight. Well that's all i can think of for now. Off to bed.