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Being over weight is a story millions of people can relate to in America. I can tell the "over weight saga" well. All my life I have been the "pretty face", and the "your so pretty but...." Growing up I have always been the chubby kid, and now at the age of 33 I have decided to take control of my weight for good! It is physically and emotionally exhausting being fat. The first thing I think of when I wake is either my weight or what I am going to eat for the day, and it's the same thing I think of before I go to bed every night. It's time to change. The breaking point for me is when I found out this year that I have osteoarthritis in my left knee, and 2 herniated discs in my lower back. I am way to young to have to go through this kind of pain, and it is all a by-product of being obese. I remember as a child my mom would always over feed me and my sisters. In hindsight I think it was because she grew up without, and she didn't want the same suffering for her children. It took me a long time to quit blaming my childhood for my life long battle with weight, and to take control. Of course, I was always picked on as a child being the heaviest one in my family and always felt alone. I won't go into to much cliche story telling of the typical childhood woews of being fat, but yes I went through all the traumatizing cruelness of other kids making fun of you because you are fat. Now, fast forward 15 years and countless unsuccessful diets & exercises later, here I am still fat. Unlike before, my weight loss is not about just looking good or being attractive, it is about having a better quality of life. Being able to go camping, hiking, biking and all the other fun stuff I should be doing without limitations. I want people to know who read this that just because you are over weight does not mean that you are lazy, or unmotivated, it means you have an unhealthy relationship with food that needs help. I have been very fortunate to have a great college education, MBA and other things that require hard work, which if I was "lazy" I wouldn't be able to have attained, but I do have a fatal addiction...FOOD! Of course those who have never struggled with weight cannot relate to this addiction, they simply think "well quit eating," "don't eat as much," "exercise," yes, those are obvious answers and if it was that easy for me don't you think I would have done it by now? Unfortunately unlike other addictions such as alcohol or drugs, your body cannot be without food -- it's a catch 22, if your problem is food, then you should quit, but if you quit you will starve yourself to death so you are at a loss either way. Taking this big step is big, very big for me. I am excited yet still nervous. I am on my 5th day of fasting on protein shakes before surgery and it isn't getting any easier, 9 days to go! I hope that people reading this will continue feeling motivated to stick to the lap band process, or decided to go through with it. You are not alone my friend.

One week gone already...man time flies when you're starving... I am doing pretty well, little or no pain from the incision areas/abdomen. My left shoulder was killing me all week, I'm not sure if its a pinched nerve from the way I was sleeping the past month combined with the surgery position. Either way it hurt like woooahh. The Dr said I could take some Motrin every now and then but not to make it a habit. I even took a couple of Matt's (boyfriend) percocet from his cracked tooth stash. (He cracked his tooth last week and it we didn't realize it until this week. Talk about ouch.) OK, OK, I cheated. I've been eating mashed potatoes, oatmeal, tuna salad, popsicles, Fudgecicles, Jello, soup. Sue me. I had VERY SMALL portions, like, palm of your hand or smaller. I tolerated them well, no issues. But I definitely know when I'm full!! I saw Dr. Von Reuden Wednesday afternoon; I'm down 8 lbs already. I made an appt. with the SW in the group so I can talk to her about my still nagging desire to eat for pleasure rather than fuel. I'm there with that about 55%, which is bad news long term. I plan on going to my old gym in Columbia, MD once I move back there next week. I am so excited!! No, you really did read that correctly...I am. No one gets excited to go to the gym. I want to try to start running/jogging again soon if my plantar fascia foot allows me. If not, I guess I'm going to find other things to do Heading into a busy weekend followed by a busy week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and wraps up quickly.

I haven't posted anything in several days...probably a week...but I have bronchitis and have felt like poo. Starting to feel better now, thank goodness and looking forward to the holidays. My daughter is coming in today and I'm so excited! The only thing that could make it better would be if her brother could come too. He has a wedding this weekend and a rehearsal supper tomorrow, so that is not possible. Wow, it is not fun when they grow up and have their own lives. LOL So anyway, I found out last week that the only 2 surgical dates left, during this calendar year, for my surgeon is Nov 28 and Dec 12. I also found out that I can't see my neurologist for clearance until Dec 5. Since that is only one week before the Dec 12 date, I doubt if insurance will approve me that fast. So it looks like it will be January. Ah well. I did find out that my insurance provider is NOT changing, so that takes the worry out of the equation as far as rushing to get it done this year. I'm not too upset about it. I'm really proud of myself. Delayed gratification is NOT something I am good about, LOL, but I think because I know this is going to be a lifelong change for me....It is calming. I'm more relaxed about it. Like...it's going to happen...so I don't need to stress. And the fact that it will be lifetime...just....I dunno...corny, maybe but it really puts me at peace. I'm so excited and so thrilled! I am going to enjoy this holiday season with my family...and NOT shy away from the camera. Cuz...I know it only gets better from here!! Movin right along!!!!