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I promised myself, that when I hit a year, I'd post a "success" story. A year ago today, I lay in the "big" hospital bed at 274 pounds and completely miserable. The two days prior to surgery were the worst ever. I called my Dr's nurse the morning of surgery and told her "I think I need to cancel, I can't do this." She told me that she wasn't going to listen to me and that she expected to see me at the hospital in a few hours. I'm so glad I did. There are very very few things in my life that I'm more happy about than my decision to have Lapband surgery. I was 32 and miserable. Couldn't stand to look at myself, even more, couldn't stand to have my husband look at me. We got together when we were 17. I was fit then, always the bigger girl, but very active. Softball, cross country, track, etc. Almost immediately after HS, the weight just piled on. When we got married at 20, my wedding dress was a size 16. I hated my wedding photos, they are horrible. To this day, very few people have actually seen them. I still have them in proof form, in a box underneath my desk. I have no pictures of my wedding out on display. For that matter, I have very few pictures of myself in the last 14 years. We have two kids, two boys, who are very active. It was so hard to want to do anything with them. My husband, thank goodness, is one of those people who could eat the world and couldn't weigh more than 160 if he tried. So, while I always took the pictures or sat on the sidelines, they had the fun. I spent my 20's with no sexual drive whatsoever. I was disgusted with myself. If I couldn't even look at myself, how could my husband want to. It made him sad, he always said he didn't see me the way I did. I couldn't believe him. So, after three years of research, I initially tried to get the band in 2007. My insurance changed at year end and no longer covered it. So scratch that. In 2010, I went to my GP and he asked if I'd thought about it. Yeah yeah, I did, but insurance. He encouraged me to call and check again. Unbeknownst to me, they covered it again. I cried and cried and cried. That was in Feb 2010. I quickly researched the two Dr's that I had chosen and decided on one. Went to the seminar, got my 6 month supervised diet in, all the other pre-req's and next thing I knew, I'm laying in the hospital bed seriously thinking I shouldn't be doing this. Recovery was HARD, not hard hard, but not what I expected. The first week, I was sure that this was the worst decision I had ever made. Only a clinically insane person would put themselves through this, I was sure of it. However, things started getting better. I was losing weight and I was losing it quickly. When I was around 3 weeks post op, I started walking/running. Eventually, I was running a mile, then two, then three. I was actually able to RUN and ENJOY it!!! There have been some bumps along the way. Mainly mental. Around September, I was sure I was going insane. I was okay, but, it wasn't until then, that I actually realized my crutch, my addiction, was food. I was going through a "detox", lol. It made me for one very very grouchy and irritable woman. I believe, I finally hit onederland on December 8th. 75 pounds gone since July 29th, a little over 4 months. By the end of 2010, I was down 80-85 pounds. Now, today, I'm down 106 pounds. I still have 15-20 pounds until I reach goal but I'm happy. I'm so happy! I'm plateaued, but I'm happy. I run 5k's WITH my kids and husband now. I have energy. I'm the person, I think I always knew was inside of me. Make no bones about it, it is difficult. It is a huge mental mind screw. There are days I look in the mirror and I don't see me now. I see me as I was a year ago. It's hard. But there are days, I look in the mirror, with the biggest smile on my face and I see me as I am now. I've made it and I've done it. Hugs to everyone who does this journey. It's well worth it. I was going to post some pics from my gallery, but they were insanely too big. Here is the link. http://www.lapbandta.../7195-new-pics/

The thing I always think, but rarely say when someone posts this - the help me, I've gone off track threads - is that the very act is indicating the fact that you're still not facing the responsibility and consequences of your choices. The very decision of how to frame it - not "what are some motivational tips" but "someone please help me" is telling - its more than just a coincidental choice of words, its pleading for someone to come and make it all right so that you dont have to do it yourself. And that inability to accept responsibility is a prime trait in every single overweight person. The ones who succeed are the ones who suddenly understand that weight loss really IS simple, if you simply accept the fact that you make choices and you wear the consequence. But read through this board and you'll see its endemic - I'm fat for this reason, for that reason, I cant lose weight because I'm stressed, or I have a bad hip and cant exercise (so somehow that means I'm excused for my diet as well), yada yada yada. That victim mentality is alive and well, whether it causes obesity or is a result of obesity I cant figure out, but one thing is true - ditching it is the single most important step towards a thin life. You do sound like a fill might be a good idea though - this tool doesnt work that well if you dont keep it tuned up. Honestly, everyone here has sympathy for the situation you're in, everyone here has been there, and everyone here knows what its like. But only YOU can fix it. Think about it, on a deep level. We can all give you support, which you deserve like everyone deserves. We can all tell you what works for us in this situation or that, which can sometimes give you food for thought or even lead to a lightbulb moment where you suddently get it. But we cant truly help you, you have to do that yourself. What do you want more - ice cream or a healthy thin body? Its that simple. You just have to choose.

It's time to stand up for yourself, remember why you started this journey and what you wanted to look or feel like when you reached your finish line. Think about how you felt when you were at your heaviest and then how you felt at your lightest. Which did you prefer? Why? Can you remember some of your NSV's and how great those moments make you felt? Take one step forwards and you are back on your road to success. Don't wait for tomorrow to start, do it right now. Decide to make a healthier food choice or take that first exercise step. You know you want to do it. After all, isn't that why you posted here?

Dolce, I would suggest that you get a therapist who specializes in eating disorders or check out FAA or OA. You may have a food addiction.

Enjoy your resting while you heel. So enjoy yourself. Your ready for a New Life ! So happy Birthday !

I had the band put in yesterday and am home today. Was walking right away and feel some pain and have lttle desire to eat. I was so focued on my liquids before that I think it help be recover faster than any of the 4 other patients who went in the same day. My doctor told me (after the surgery) that people sometimes second guess themselves and want it removed right away but that passes. I hope sp because I can not believe all of the reserach is done, the surgery is done and I feel lost. Thanks for being there because people like you guys make it that much easier.