Ok, I just have to vent for a while because I'm eating like there's no tomorrow, and although I KNOW exactly why, that doesn't help. So I'm getting it off my chest. I had a family reunion over the Memorial Day weekend. I loved seeing all of my relatives I haven't seen in years. But here's the kicker...I have a sister who is the drama queen and charity case of the fam off and on for the last 30 years. Because right now she's out of work and didn't have the money, I made sure she had a plane ticket to get to the reunion, for my mom's sake. You would think that would be a good thing...my mom got all of her kids in one place for her 80th birthday wish, great! Well, this sister seems to think everyone is responsible for all the drama in her life but herself. It seemed as if the whole thing was in her mind "the drama queen episode" instead of mom's birthday/reunion.

So the drama was ramped up, and long story made short, I got to be the referee and psychologist for the week we visited my mother and family. It got to the point that the ranting, threats, raving and fit throwing hit a peak one of the days we were on this vacation and on the way to visit a cousin, I finally stopped the car and left her off at a Starbucks just so I could go on and have a visit with my cousin without the manipulating drama. ....that day went better from that point on!!

I have a lot of siblings and half grew up in one corner of the country and half in another corner. The older ones have this thing they do when they see each other (which I don't get, but whatever) they say, "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" That's not even funny in my book but I don't let it bother me. Not so with the drama queen. It takes such a small comment to just turn a fine time into a big hairy confrontation. I'm not even kidding. Picture a 50 year old that stomps around, slamming doors, smoking doubletime (because nicotine is so calming dontcha know), ranting and raving, and generally acting like a 5 year old because one little comment set them off.

I just have to say, I was never so happy to drop someone off at their house when we got back to our hometown. I imagine I left skid marks!!!

I've decided that after all this time of helping financially, listening to all the "woe is me, why does all this crap always happen to me??" for thirty years, I'm done. Unless there is strong medication and a whole bunch of therapy, I will not be going on vacation with my sister again. I realized that there is absolutely nothing that will make her happy. I'm tired of being tromped on when the only thing I've done is try to help.

I'm going to try to be a little bit selfish and take care of me going forward. I'm going to try to get my stress eating under control. I guess I've gotten to the weight I'm at by emotional eating. I'm sure I'll be learning some new coping skills....and I still have my fingers crossed that my insurance will approve me for the biggest part of taking care of me!! My surgeon consult is on Tuesday!! It's finally near. So I'm putting the stress behind me. And I'm looking forward to my new beginning.

Today was better. Not eating everything not nailed down. I guess it helped to unload yesterday... In considering this huge step, and wanting to be successful at it, I'm thinking I need to see someone to help me with assertiveness. The emotional eating usually happens as my auto response to feeling taken advantage of and manipulated. I must do something about that aspect of the reason I gained so much weight in order to really kick a** on this journey.