I'm kind of in a whirl the last few days/weeks. I have been meaning to start exercising intensely every day and focusing on eating my veggies to get my blood, heart and body as ready physiologically as I can for surgery.

For whatever reason, my body has kindof "shifted" for the worse and my food cravings and addiction-like feelings towards food have gotten more and more toxic. I walked 3 miles on Saturday (outside--prob'ly shouldn't have done that with the pollen) and I was DYING!!! My ankles have been SO puffy after each day of work. The 10 pounds I gained to qualify for the insurance have come with a vengence and I guess I got those the hard way, because they are HERE to STAY it feels like! And with them--heartburn out of my mind, breathless at the slightest exertion, and a "free for all" feeling of eating "my last" filet mignon, soft pretzels upon soft pretzels, cookie dough, mint chocolate shakes before the surgery. I feel so afraid that I will fail at this surgery and what it takes to make it successful. I feel almost clingy to my crazy eating habits that have taken me to this place.

This week is a crazy week. Today I have my thyroid doctor (typical checkup), tomorrow the appointment with the lawyer to do my will/trust/power of attorney, Wednesday I have my OBGYN yearly appt and then the PCP pre-op appointment. June 2nd is the PREOP with my surgeon.

Today I really want to focus on my goals for the next three weeks and really try to take back the reins for this getting myself ready for surgery.

"Last Supper Syndrome"...completely normal. These last few weeks will fly by. Take one new change at a time and don't beat yourself up if you can't do it all perfectly. Don't worry, the weight you had to gain will come off along with many of it's friends (I'm down 35 now total). You're doing fine, and you will succeed at this! -BG