Hello, whoever reads this! I want to tell you a little bit about myself.

I am a 21 year old college student and engineering intern. I will graduate with my bachelors degree in plastics engineering in 2010. I plan on getting my masters in medical device engineering. I hope to one day design prosthetic devices for athletes.

My freshman year of college, I played basketball. I ran and lifted and was in great shape. I wanted to be a normal college student and have a fun time in a new and exciting environment. I also wanted to be an engineer and had the typical engineering courseload. I also had a boyfriend of 3 years who made the 4 hour trip to see me at school every other week. I ran out of gas pretty quick. Then, I quit basketball.

After that it was all downhill. I have an OCD and perfectionist personality to begin with and the anxiety and depression became overwhelming. I wasn't perfect. I let people down and I didn't know how to deal with it. I moved back home to be closer to my boyfriend, who was and still is, my security blanket. He loves me and I love him but because of that I let myself slip and here I am today.

I hate my body. I want it to go back to the way it was. I hated it then but it was just me being me. No matter what diet I go on or how much I exercise I don't lose weight. Sometimes I do but then I lose the motivation. It just goes too slowly. I need a jump start. My mom works in cardiology so shes always on me about losing weight. It drives me insane. Nobody can take that day in and day out. I just want to be me again.

I went to an orientation meeting a few weeks ago. I hated being there. It makes me actually think about the fact that I'm fat. Usually, I just ignore it. My boyfriend doesn't talk about it either but I see it when he looks at me. He misses the old, athletic, sexy (in his eyes) me. I have to wait 6 months to do a program through Tufts. Dumb... I just want to start this process. I don't know if I can handle the emotions.

I think that this is a good surgery for people who are able to accept that they are not perfect. They have tried a failed at weight lost more than once not that it was to slow happening, but they lost the weight and it disappeared and then came back with some more friends. You may actually do good with the 6 month program and continue that. I mean if you feel that wls is the only option I hope that you make a well thought out decision and are able to handel the fact that its not going to happen over night. The band is a tool to help you but in the process you have to help yourself. I hope that you talk to somebody who may be able to give you a little more insight about this but if you need encouragement or somebody to talk to hit me up.

Take care of yourself, B.

Your situation sounds similar to mine as far as having been small and active at one time. I have a blog too called Making the decision to go through with it. Read my blog and you will know my story.

But, I haven't yet decided it I am going to do the surgery. Good Luck!