When my cell phone rings from a Restricted Caller, it seems so loud and foreign. It's jarring. I don't recognize the ring and I always jump a mile.

My cell phone just rang like that and I jumped a mile. I'm sure that looked quite comical to the proverbial fly on the wall here in my office.

The caller was a woman at a place called Respitory Solutions or some such catchy name. Can't you hear the little jingle in your head? Breath right, breath strong, use our machines and sleep all night long.....

Anyway, she told me she had a doctor's order for me for a C-Pap machine. Really? I would have thought the doctor would have told me she was going to do that.

*sigh* Guess not. Why would I need to know that?

I made the appointment for next Thursday. The woman was very nice, and quipped some joke about how tired I must be, poor thing.

HELLO!!! I'm NOT 90 years old, don't you evah call me a "POOR THING" again. (That was my mind screaming, I would never say anything like that, really, promise, I wouldn't, no matter how damn tired I was, I would not yell like that).

So this came about because of the sleep study I had done last week. You know, just another test to find another co-morbidity so the insurance company Gods will pay for this surgery.

The woman that was monitoring me during my sleep study kind of freaked out. I think she really thought I was going to die. I didn't sleep a wink....I really don't think I could have been snoring, but I must have drifted off. I felt like an alien. You know, an alien from one of those B movies...they always have the things coming off their heads, like tentacles. That's what I felt like. I just could NOT lay my tentacles comfortably. Maybe I should have hung from the rafters upside down or something. I bet my tentacles would have been comfortable that way!

Anyway, the woman that was monitoring me told me I had one of the worst cases of apnea she had ever encountered.

Really?

No wonder I get bitchy sometimes.

Hmmm. That could explain a lot.

No wonder I am having trouble keeping up with things. No wonder I cry over the stupidist stuff lately.

I thought it was because I was afraid of surgery. I thought I was just emotional for letting myself go and getting to this point.

But, maybe I just don't sleep.

OK - so I am going to have to wear a mask and have a humming machine beside me all night. I hope my boyfriend still finds me attractive...ha!

Goodnight dahling (make it sound like I am talking in a diver's helmet)...have pleasant dreams....dreams....dreams.....(echoing, fading).

Yeah, that'll work.

OK, so I'll get the C-Pap and use it to help me sleep better. But, I will also use it as a milestone. I will mark the milestone when I can STOP using it, because my weight loss has been significant enough to eliminate my apnea.

That makes it all worthwhile.

And maybe I will not answer the cell phone again when it has that loud, jarring ring! I don't think it's ever been good news.

-mary