Just some goings on in my life at the moment...

:glare: :cursing: :glare: :huh2: :cursing: :glare: :thumbdown: :huh2:

Okay, I know some people may not understand what I'm going to say, and maybe some will even be upset with me, but I am going to put it out there.

I have a step-daughter. She'll be 13 four days before I'll be 30 (she'll be 13 on May 18th). Several months ago, when she was with us for a week in the summer, she made a MySpace page. I didn't care, her dad didn't care...and for a while, she was happy and everything was fine. Then we got an email from her mother saying that she wasn't allowed to have a myspace page until she was 13, that was HER rule, and she made my step-daughter delete her account. I never ever told her to lie to her mom about it, which her mom accused me of doing. Her mom said that I made her do it, and made her lie to her, etc...I was pretty upset. But *I* was supposed to apologize to my step-daughter for not following her mom's rule in MY house.

SO, anyway, I let her create another myspace page...and put it under my email so her mom couldn't make her delete it. I never even gave her the password until last night. So, she was only on the myspace page when she is with us, and only when I log her in. She's not doing anything she's not supposed to on myspace, she's just connecting with her friends.

Last night, I discover that she has a facebook page - her mom created it for her. She's still 12. She was at a friend's house...so I thought maybe while she was there, she'd want to log into her myspace page...so I told her to call me. She didn't have her phone with her (that's a whole other rant). So, I told her through the facebook IM the username and password so she could get into it if she wants.

This morning, her dad gets an email from her mom saying about myspace again, and complaining again that I'm not following her rule.

Okay, when I was growing up, I had two homes...and they each had their own set of rules. My parents divorced when I was two. I followed the rules in my mom's house when I was with her, and I followed the rules in my dad's house when I was with him. My step-daughter's mom doesn't come from a broken home, so maybe she doesn't get it, and I'm sorry if anyone disagrees with me, but I'm not going to follow her mom's rules in MY house. We have our own rules for her to follow...and I don't get mad when my son follows the rules of his dad's house. The environment is completely different at our house versus her mom's house...we have two other children that live with us, she's an only child at her mom's. My son has one other child (sometimes two) at home with me, but there are FIVE other kids at his dad's - of course some rules are going to be different.

I'm not looking for validation for my actions, or to get bashed if anyone thinks I'm wrong...I guess I just needed to vent a bit.

I get so sick and tired of double standards where her mom is concerned. She doesn't even involve my husband in any decisions regarding his own daughter, unless it suits her. WTF? I can't wait until she's 18. We don't even get to see her for over a month because her mom switched around all of her weekends with us this month and we can't have her on the off-months because of other things going on with them.

It really is very frustrating because I'm just the step-mom, but she's like one of my own kids.

Okay, I guess I'm done venting for now. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I feel you. What i think is happening is that her mom is jealous of your relationship because she set up a face book page so that cant be the issue being that is her only child she feels threatened so dont sweat it. Dont let her get to you cause if you do she wins. the 12 yr. should be supervised when ever on the computer and if you and her father are doing that then she has no right to tell you guys how to spend your time and tell her just that dont let your husband be the in between guy you step up you are the step mother with children of your own tell her you have a new rule and it is what goes on in your house doesnt concern her and to shut up hello

I agree she probably is jealous, you said that while your stepdaughter is an only child you have other kids. Her mom's whole life probably revolves around her daughter and if she isn't remarried herself she has alot of time to try and moniter what goes on at your house. Just keep smiling and don't give her what she wants which is probably a confrontation. Good luck

I am a youth pastor and I only could wish that I had more step parents like you. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your step daughter. Keep that relationship going. Either the mother will get it or she won't but that should have nothing to do with you. It's your house you set the rules.

I don't know you and I know that some women are unfairly mean and vindctive to their kid's step parents.

On the flip side we do not let our 15 yr old daughter have a cell phone or have a myspace page because she had repeatedly made bad decisions and although her dad and I are still happily married I would expect those rules to be honored no matter which household she was in.

OH do I feel your pain. I consider myself lucky just to have lived till my step daughters are adults. BUT then there is the little fact that one of them still delights in making my life pure hell! It never ends. Hang in there!

I have been where you are now and I will tell you that when your stepdaughter is older she will understand more about what is going on. No matter how angry and unfair things seem, try to not bash mom in front of her. Your stepdaughter will thank you. My stepdaughter is now 25 (married her dad when she was 7) and she calls me mom and doesn't speak to her own mom.

We went through everything you are going through and lots more. My stepdaughter wanted to live with her dad and myself but her mom wouldn't let someone else raise her child. She was more worried about what people would say than about what was best for her daughter.

But on the issue of the myspace, just REALLY supervise if you think she should have one. It can get dangerous. Also, please don't let your stepdaughter think she can start playing y'all against one another. She is entering the teen years and will definitely try. Hopefully her mom will wake up and you can start working together to raise her instead of separate. Unfortunately we were never able to get to the point.

omg.....DRAMA! ...........lol Well I think that every child that has step-parents goes through this. Also if there where the same rules at each parents homes then they would of never sperated. So it seems like she is trying to control ur household. Just tell her how it works in ur home. Best of luck to u!

yoco28

Thank you to everyone who posted comments! :cool2: There are still issues, and probably will always be issues, unfortunately. The woman just doesn't like me...and I think those of you who said she's jealous are right. I think she's jealous that she's not married to my husband anymore and that he never wanted her back after they separated, I think she's jealous that I have a great relationship with her daughter, and that I have more than one kid. She IS re-married, but I still think she has way too much time on her hands to try to control our household. We do keep an eye on my step-daughter when she's on the computer.

I really hope that one day she realizes how her mother is and sees that all her dad and I want for her is the best. I've told her repeatedly that she's more than welcome to come and live with us...and I think if she weren't afraid of leaving her friends in York or afraid of her mother, she'd do it...I know she has LOADS of fun when she's with us, and I really do miss her terribly when she's gone. :cursing:

I won't get to spend my birthday with her either (which is four days after hers). That makes me sad.