Blog 61860

This is my first time posting a blog and I hope I am doing it right. I have never done anything like this before. Anyway, I am finishing up my pre surgery requirements and should be able to submit to the insurance soon. I am looking forward to surgery in June or July. My problem is my husband. He has never had to worry about weight in his life and he is not being supportive in my decision to have a lap-band. He says it is the lazy man's way to lose weight. I know with all the classes I have been in that this is not going to be easy. I don't consider it a cop out. I just think it is a tool that is going to make it harder for me to eat too much. What advise do those of you that have had this surgery have for me? How can I get my husband on my side? I would really like his support.

Well, I don't have a spouse and I've been lucky enough to have the support of my family, but I hope your husband comes around. I think it might be a good idea to gently remind him that this isn't about "lazy" or "easy" it's about your health and you have to choose the path that's going to work not the one that's the "hardest" just because--why? Because it's harder? Because you will then somehow have "earned" it? Because that will somehow result in a more satisfaction or a greater sense of achievement from your weight loss? There won't be any satisfaction or sense of achievement if you continue on the same path you've been on. If this is something you've been struggling with for a long time and nothing else has worked remind him of that and let him know that you want to be the healthiest you that you can be, not only for you but for him as well as any family or potential family you might have with him if you're planning on it.

I also suggest educating him. Take him to an info session with a Dr., show him articles about the surgery and why it's important. Let him see the statistics of weight loss success with "traditional methods" vs. WLS.

Here are a few sites you can get started with.

The Risks and Benefits of Weight Loss Surgery

Weight Loss Surgery Helps Moderately Obese

Lapband.com - Weight Loss Surgery and Other Treatment Options

http://www.asbs.org/Newsite07/resources/press_release_8202007.pdf

My hubby didn't understand why I wanted surgery either. One night lying in bed ( after being together) I was completely honest with him. I told him how I feel when we were intimate. How embarrassed I felt. How scared I was getting on a plane wondering if the seat belt would fit and having the arm rest cut into my thighs. I told him how I felt sitting in the stands watching our kids play sports and I couldn't even cross my legs. I told him how I had started worrying about sleap apnea and why I slept with pillows supporting my hips and tummy. I was honest.....raw honest. I told him things that I never said out loud before. How I miss being comfortable around him and wanted my kids to huge me and have their arms go all the way around me.

I was crying at the end of that conversation, but DH finally started to understand how I felt and I had his support.

He wasn't a cheerleader, but he would listen when I talked and I tried to teach him a little at a time. It is still work to lose weight. The band is just a tool. DH sees how hard I work at eating healthy and working out.

Be honest. THat is the best advice I can give you....

My husband is very supportive of it,but it was after he went to a seminar with me that he finally understood. I also had a crying spell and spilled my guts to him about how i felt about myself. He has always told me that my weight didnt bother him, because I gave him to wonderful kids and he knew that was the reason i was overweight. But deep down i know it bothers him. Just keep on him and try to get him to go to the doctor with you or a seminar....Good luck and dont let him talk you out of it. You are doing this for yourself not him....

I know exactly what you mean. I too have a husband who has never had and will never have a weight problem. He can eat anything that he wants and never get fat. When I first told him that I was considering this surgery he told me "your trying to take the easy way out!" Well you know what? I am six days post op and this is not the easy way out. He has come around in this short time. Helping me to get out of bed and dealing with my pain. He also can now see how much I struggle with the liquid diet and how hard it is for me. Don't worry your husband will see too. This is not a walk in the park. It is a life changing decision and very difficult. The "head hunger" is the worst. When your family is eating a regular delicious meal and you have broth. Omg. I can't even sit at the dinner table with them right now because it is soooo hard. Each day it gets easier and I am looking forward to the pureed diet real soon.

OMG! I know exactly how you feel. My hubby has been against this from the start. Originally he just told me no, that couldn't do it. And was steaming mad. Then he pretty much conceded to the fact that I'm going to do it anyway. I love my husband very much, but I'm also very much my own woman. He's scared also, my family we have a history of not coming out of surgeries well. But he's still not come around and I'm getting banded tomorrow. He's coming with me, but I still don't know how he feels. I've been spending a lot of time on this site the last few days so he feels neglected. I told him that if he woudl have supported me more I wouldn't be seeking it from someone else. Still didn't work. Oh well, at least he's here now. He'll come around eventually. Your hubby too I'm sure.

Well here is an odd one. My wife is not really liking the fact of me getting the lap band.

I really do not know what to do. She is more scared that I will not be able to handle not being able to eat what I want. I am trying to look at it like its not that I wont be able to eat whatever I want, but more of how much I want. I know this is just a tool but I also feel that if I don't do this I will be dead in 5-10 years. Would love to hear other females/males perspective on what I should do or say for that matter.

First of all you can eat ALMOST anything. Second...what does she think will happen if you can't eat something? Is she worried about depression? Is she worried that you won't be happy? Is she worried about what will happen if you change? Is she worried about what will happen if you lose weight? If you are healthier and more outgoing?

I would be very honest with her. The type of honesty that is difficult to give because it hurts. Why do you want to lose weight. What can't you do that you want to do. My husband didn't realize the worries and pains I had because of my weight because he had never experienced it. Once I really showed him my feelings and was honest he began to understand that her really couldn't every completely understand what it was like for me.

Let her know what your goals are. Just be very open.

HI.. i am just about to have my surgery. I have been doing the process since Dec of 2008 and my husband has jet to ready the LapBand info i have given him. So i am not sure if he knows what the changes will be, specially since i do 98% of the food shopping and cooking for him and my 3 small kids. He loves me just as i am but he knows that even though i dont have a low self esteem i do get agervated when going on a plane, or getting in the back of a car, or even going on park rides...just this summer i was told for the fisrt time i could not get on a ride with my 5 year old!! Oh and by the end of the day my sciatica is killing me and i can bearly walk....So my husband knows that this is going to change my life and maybe he is afraid that it will change ME and the y i feel about him. He is only about 20lbs overweight. I love him and i cant wait till i can be more active!!

Mybe you husband needs to put himself in your shoes.. go to a seminar. Read some of the blogs in here so that he realizez that obesity is serious and the Lap BAnd is not a "lazy way" to loose weight. It is going to take work and dicipline. Good luck