I have noticed that since I have returned from my week at the beach that I have become more complacent about my routine. Happier about how I look and comfortable in the sizes I am fitting into. This is what I am going to refer to as the begining of my demise.....

I have to be more careful. I was at the gym last night and I had a very stern talk with myself. I am less than a week away from hitting my 6 month bandiversary and I am thinking I will be at the -95# mark by that day. Isn't that incredible? Yes...the problem is that I am starting to think so too. I have found that DiGourno Pizza has a thin and crispy crust pizza that is about the healthiest out there and unfortunately I have had it 3 times this week. Yes I eat my serving or maybe 1.5 servings and stop, but that isn't the problem. The carbs in that are usually what I allow myself for the entire day and I had 3 cookies today to. For all of those people that say that it is okay to splurge everyone once in a while....yes it is. Three times in one week, well not so much. I have to get back to thinking about my goals.

I started at 285# and I now weigh under 192#. Do I want to be here for the next 6 months? I am undermining myself and my goals for the future. I have a birthday in June and I want to be under 180 for my birthday.

Everyone has been very nice at work and I am getting those comments about people not recognizing me. I was called to help recover a patient yesterday and the OR nurse had to ask another nurse who I was because she didn't recognize me. I always say, "Thank you, that is very nice of you to say that." What I want to say is that I am picking very flattering clothes and that is part of the difference. But I just say thank you.

You know now that I am blogging about this I think I may have just come to a realization. (That is why I blog!) You may have heard me talk about McCutey (aka McFlirty McCreepyhands.) that was at my conference last week. I wonder if this is part of the reason that I haven't been on my best behavior. There might be a small part of me that is afraid of messing things up with DH. We have had our problems (9 years ago I almost called it quits), but the last 5 years has been the best because we are happy and he really is the best. He works hard and still is the best dad, does the laundry and other house work, is supportive in whatever goals I work towards and he is a sexy man.

When I knew I might not hit my connecting flight back home last week I almost went back tot the hotel I was staying as for another night. I didn't because I felt like it might lead me into trouble. I figured getting stuck in an airport all night would be the much better plan.

I need to realize that the more weight I lose the more attention I might get. I need to realize that some of that attention might be from attractive men. I need to realize that a man can flirt with me and that is all the farther it goes. I have to realize that sabatoging myself will not make me safer or happier. I need to realize that I need to get up off my big...ok medium sized butt and get back into the routine that has made me happy these last 6 months because if I weigh the same or more in a month or 6 months I will be very disappointed in myself. I have learned the secret to being healthy. If I walk away from it now it is like holding a winning lottery ticket and not cashing it in and then bitching about not having enough money to pay my bills.

I will do this. I will get back on the horse. I will work with my band one day at a time. Not a month or a week at a time, but ONE DAY AT A TIME!

I don't want this to be the begining of my demise. I will make it the first step to my next 6 month journey......

Don't you love blogging...it gives back so many ah-ha moments! No matter how great things are now, we can always be better than our current selves, on the outside and on the inside. OK, tough love...I'm going to be watching how much you weigh on your birthday! You can and will do it! ((hugs)) BG

Hey Julie Ann, Great Blog! You are an inspiration to me and I am just a newbie here in Bandyland. You are so very very right when we make a "Oppsidoodle" we must do just one band day at a time! I too have a goal of being down 50 pounds by my B-day in July! I will be seeing you in Onederland! Keep On Blogging and loosing! Oh also from experience, Most Docs are just jerks! your friend! Cheryl

Reading your blog entry was like looking in a mirror...I could've written this!! The only thing is...I haven't lost any of the weight yet. (Except the initial 20 before surgery...) At least you've started your journey. I'm afraid to even take the first step. I was banded in December, my doctor won't do more than one fill per month, so I'm 4 fills in and have no restriction to speak of. Talk about frustrated...!! I'm thinking you've done a great job so far, and I would surely be proud of myself if I were you. Keep your chin up and remember, your success so far is an inspiration to those of us that haven't found the winning numbers on that lottery ticket yet!!!