I weighed myself this morning. Buck naked, as soon as I got up and peed. 226.5. Then I reweighed after my shower. Fully clothed with shoes and I had drank a glass of water. 231.5 Half a pound from 40 BMI. See how ridiculous this arbitrary number is? I can add five pound just by getting dressed and having a glass of water. So I am hopeful for reweighing next week.

I went through my files and found a few of my old Weight Watchers records from 8 and 9 years ago. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I got here. I have read other's stories, blogs, forum intros etc... The only thing that is consistent is that we are all overweight now, but the path we took to get here is different for everyone. Some have been overweight since childhood. Some gain after a major life changing event. For some a health issue comes first and the weight follows and then the health issues snowball.

For me it has been a control issue combined with my impulsivity. I want what I want and I want it now! My meals were strictly controlled growing up and I was never given the opportunity to make my own choices and learn to eat correctly. I was a skinny kid. I was an average teen. I was normal weight when I entered college. But dorm food is never the healthiest, or at least it wasn't 25 years ago. And I still had no control. Meal times were set. Portion sizes were set. There was some choice but not complete freedom.

Then I got an apartment and the control was completely mine. And with control comes responsibility. But I had never learned that. I had no idea how to make healthy choices. Heck, I had no idea how to cook! I really don't remember cooking in that apartment (except for one ill fated roast chicken attempt that landed me in the ER with severe burns. . ). But I did remember that is when the weight started to rise. And my first forays into the world of Weight Loss began. First it was Weight Watcher. I clearly remember my very first weigh in at WW--135 pounds! Dang! I would be thrilled if I could weigh that now! But I wanted to lose 20 pounds to be at my starting college weight. I think I lost about 10 before I moved on. NutriSystem was next. That food was nasty!

The years went on, and so did the pounds. Like so many of us each time I lost a little it would come back and bring friends.

But why?

The band is just a tool. I think knowing why is going to be the key to making the changes to keep the weight off.

I have read for years about different bad eating habits. Some can sit and eat an entire box of cookies, or whole bag of chips. Some eat high fat, fried, greasy foods. Some people eat without realizing it-sitting in front of the TV or at work with a snack and don't even know they are putting it in their mouth. Some people even get up during the night and eat.

I am not any of those. I don't make great food choices a lot of the time. Cream sauces and cheese makes everything better! Soda is delicious. Fast food is so satisfying and quick and easy. But I do try to limit this. I don't keep chips and sweets and other junk in the house. I try to balance the unhealthy meals I make with some healthy ones. I don't like very many veggies, but I have been expanding my options. I don't carry much cash so I can't afford fast food (that worked great until they started to take credit cards!:rolleyes2: )

But my portions are big. And I love me some simple carbs! The whiter the better! I know all the things I am supposed to know about portion sizes. Four memberships in Weight Watchers, a year at Jenny Craig, and countless books and other programs have taught me all about portion control. Meat the size of a deck of cards, portion plate so that the veggies take up the most room. Switch to whole grains (cause they are so nasty I would rather starve!). But eating those recommended portions just leave me unsatisfied and running back to the fridge in an hour because I am starving!

I have read that a lot of overweight people don't understand the concept of being hungry, not hungry and full. They either physically lack the ability to feel those 3 things, or just don't know how to interpret these signals. I don't have that problem. I feel all 3. And if I am not hungry then I don't eat. I will even often forget to eat lunch many times because I am busy and don't realize that I need to eat until I am shaky, dizzy, and nearly passing out. Recovering after that is very difficult-- I still don't know the right balance of protein/carbs/sugar to correct that situation as fast as possible.

So why do I think the band will help me? Because my biggest issue is portion control and making healthy choices. I understand that the choices I make aren't really limited by the band, and I may be able to eat junk with the band without impunity. But need the most help with the portion control. I want to be able to eat just a "normal" amount and not be starving when I leave the table, or an hour or so later. I want to stop outeating a pro football player! I do want to be able to still enjoy the occasional treat. I am only 39. The idea of a solution that would prevent me from ever really enjoying a few bites of ice cream, cake or other favorites for the rest of my life seems miserable.

What is that saying? Something like " If you give up smoking, drinking and junk food you may not live longer, but it will sure feel like it!"

I want to have my cake and eat it too. But I want to only eat a few bites and be completely satisfied. For this procedure to work for me I need to understand why I eat the whole piece of cake now. Why I can't stop with a just a few bites? And I need to gain the self control to make the changes needed.

I started this journey through my life with no control over what I ate. Then I had total control and the weight came on--I was out of control. Now I need to get responsible control. I have the power to make this work. I may not even be half way through this journey of life and I have lots of time to make the second half even greater than the first!

My journey of a thousand more miles begins with this one step.