I knew last week that my insurance does not cover any type of weight loss program, surgery, nutrition supplements, etc. Nor do they cover any additional medical costs arising from the above. That information was hard to hear. I'm thinking I could (and probably will) develop all these health related issues that could be reduced or eliminated by this surgery, but you don't cover it. No wonder family insurance rates are at $900 a month!

I applied to a finance company that deals with medical costs and found out today that I was approved for the full amount that I would need, $16,500.

In one respect I'm ecstatic. I can finally take some control back in my life. On the other hand though I'm scared to death. Is this the right time to take on that much debt? How can I ask my family to sacrifice, so I can take the "easy" way out. Couldn't I just do the same thing, albeit a slower pace, without the surgery. I'm going to have to learn to eat right, control my snacking, exercise more anyway, why add to our overall debt as well?

I then think that if making those decisions were so easy for me I wouldn't be 270+ pounds now would I? This surgery will help to start the process of learning self-control that I'm so sorely lacking at this point.

I also wonder if since I'm a control freak in everything else in my life, if letting my weight and eating habits get out of control isn't one way that I let myself not be a control freak. And that by second guessing about the right thing to do, I'm once again looking for a way to not be in control of something that I totally need to be.

I just know that having the knowledge that I can choose to move forward if I want to means that today is the first day of the rest of my life. Where I go from here is all my choice. I can choose life or I can choose a slow, painful, and ugly death. I can choose to take control of an aspect of my life that I have turned my back on or I can choose to be the miserable failure that I am currently. (Okay that last part was a bit extreme, but you haven't seen me naked in a mirror - lol).

Go for it...you will be even more motivated as you make those monthly payments! Its not a car or a fancy watch: its an investment in you and you deserve it!!! Good luck! Cali