Sigh* im sure you have heard the all too familiar "No, no, no please don't have the surgery you aren't that big! you can do it on your own!" Followed by some sort of advice about alternative weightloss...that you have probably tried three years ago. LoL when talking to nay sayers it triggers your dormant insecurities....or maybe you have obvious insecurity who knows? Either way keeping it to yourself isn't such a bad idea at times. Sharing your plans of surgery with some people does come with some stigma, but the flipside is that it can empower you also. You're probably like "wtf is she talking about??" What I mean is while you are debating with the nay sayer you can actually transform that person into a temporary physical manifestion your insecurity and your fears. Tell your fears why you need to have this surgery. Stare the worry in it's eyes and don't back down. Im not telling you to do this daily because it can be tedious...but use that annoying neighbor or coworker as a tool to strengthen yourself. Don't let anyone dictate your life. I'm sure when your bed bound at 500lbs the nay sayers will have some more advice for you too. It's your life, no one else has to live it but you.

I think one of the reasons I havent told anyone but immediate fam (just DH and DD) is not that anyone would tell me not to (most people who know me know I cant really be talked out of or into anything!) but that I will be the only person to fail and even get fatter! I know its stupid but once I have a real sense that this is working for me long term then I think I wouldnt have any problem telling. I am absolutely sure that I want to do this but I think you're right that fear of the naysayers is in part fear of our own inner naysayer! Mine isnt saying dont do it but just dont blow it! I have a friend who calls her own mean inner voice Stan! LOL! Shell be trying on some clothes and looking at herself and say, "Shut up, Stan!" because that inner voice must have said the outfit didnt look good! Well we all have a Stan but you're right you can use him to get stronger! Good blog! Cali

oh I do know what you mean!! My mother in-law is having afit!!!! she says i look great but i don't feel great and i know i have to do this for myself. My husband is my greatest supporter, he's even going on a diet too! But without his major support i would really be teetering on wheather to continue on. I have my band put on next tuesday the 7th and i am excited!!! i really never thought of not telling anyone cause I was proud of the fact that i have made up my mind to do something about it. Hopefully i will be leaving behind several meds i am on now! But good luck. Susan

I hear what you are saying. I told my sister I am considering the surgery and all she could say was. . " well you know it is MAJOR surgery. . .and sounded disapproving. And this is someone who is also overweight by about 60 lbs! It did make me say WTF!!! Thanks for bringing it up. I am not sure if I will tell many people.

I have decided im not telling any one, except for my mother, neice, closest friend in florida and maybe my boss if it comes down to it.. When I was going to do this the first time i talked about it and alll the nay sayers was out spoken and had advice. Funny how ppl are all about speaking their minds about something they never delt with" skinny ppl" also funny how they can talk behind your back and not say one word of it either.. Your right to say use this as a tool to help you get through it. As of right now only 4 ppl know of it, one of which is really heavy at my work and thinking it over her self. Im going to keep it a secret by saying im on vacation with my mom, and hopfully i wont be in pain to the point i cant do my walks and wear my gun belt at work after a few days. I dont think I will have a problem. BUt how do you cover up that you finally are loseing this weight after so long of a battle???

"BUt how do you cover up that you finally are loseing this weight after so long of a battle???"

Dear fit,

You DONT cover it up...just tell the truth...you are eating less and exercising more! That IS the truth...the rest is no one's biz!! Cali

I explained to people when I made the decision to get banded that I knew I could lose weight, but this was the tool I needed to keep it off and get healthy. I even had nurses asking me why I was having it done. I told the people I absolutely needed to and asked them to please respect my decision. Good Luck...

No one ever asks diabetic patients (type 2 or adult onset) why are you using insulin and inject yourself everyday when you could (95% of patients) control it with diet!!People should stay out of other peoples medical issues!! Cali

your right no one else's biz

I know exactly what you mean. In my own family I had no problem with comments like "You don't need to do that" I did have several co workers say that to me. They are usually the skinny ones with no prob. breathing or walking!!! Sadly, you can't share it every one. Those that don't know and ask what am I doing I tell them I'm eating less and moving more. Which is true!! Any way do you and best wishes!!

I think that people can be a bit insensitive when discussing the issue of bariatric surgery. I dont think its a person's duty to wear a t-shirt that says "Hey i've had bariatric surgery" but when people ask about the weight loss i think the banded person should be honest because if you lie then you are giving someone false hope....and if you tell the truth you can inspire someone. That person may have been thinking they were doomed to remain overweight. Alot of obese people feel that surgery is for the super obese, that surgery isnt N option for them...which isnt true. So i guess the army's slogan in regards to homosexuality also applies to surgery...dont ask dont tell.

Don't get me wrong Cocoa, If a obese person ask me they will get the absolute truth. I have a sister that weigh at least 400lbs. I told her exactly what my plans were. Now some skinny folks just don't under stand why someone would want to go through bariatric surgery. I was always given the Oh you don't have to do that or you know you can die having that surgery. Some have even told me that I'll get too skinny!! As a matter of fact I have a co-worker that had a bypass and at first she told me she just left sugar alone and she's working out. Needless to say that didn't work very long. Another co-worker who was out for a while and suddenly lost a large amount a weight will not admit it until this day. I would say that 98% of my church family know that I had surgery. I guess I can sum this up by saying there is no shame to my game and I'm truly happy with my lapband and the thought of my new life!!

its not about shame that we dont tell ppl, its about being judged by those who dont have a nose to but in to it with you know? Cause you will be the talk for ever!! I know ppl who had this done years ago and is still talked about... I dont want that, to survive in this world with less drama is to stay out of the spot light and im deffinatly not adding my self to the spot light..

If I was having a hysterectomy (no shame in that right?) I still wouldnt tell people. Maybe I would say I was having some minor surg. People know and ask too much about people it seems. I can't tell you how many people have asked me why I have only one child and I can hear the judgement in their voices! Dear Abby once said when someone asks you something you dont want to answer you should say. "Oh, I'm SURE you dont want me to answer something SO personal!" It really puts the shame back on them where it belongs for asking!!!

But for those who are telling all , go for it I respect that too! Cali

I love that abby quoate im going to use it cause i have some nosey asss ppl in my job... love you guys banders are banded togeather

If I was having a hysterectomy (no shame in that right?) I still wouldnt tell people. Maybe I would say I was having some minor surg. People know and ask too much about people it seems. I can't tell you how many people have asked me why I have only one child and I can hear the judgement in their voices! Dear Abby once said when someone asks you something you dont want to answer you should say. "Oh' date=' I'm SURE you dont want me to answer something SO personal!" It really puts the shame back on them where it belongs for asking!!!

But for those who are telling all , go for it I respect that too! Cali[/quote']

Dear Coco,

Hey!! Do you have a date yet? I cant remember if you already said! I am having my seminar and doc appointment on Thursday and I am sooooo excited! I am self pay so I hope it goes fast! Does EVERYONE have to have a psych evaluation? I dont really care (I think I'm just the right amount of crazy!) but all this stuff just delays it!! Your pal, (baby walrus), Cali