You can play this music video as you're reading (not exactly soothing background music, but that's kinda the point)...

(Oops, sorry it's just a link. It won't let me embed music anymore...I'm-tech challenged.)

Well I WAS a mere 3 pounds from being able to cut off another one of my Ten Pound Heads (on my WL ticker). I ate stuff I shouldn’t have on my long-weekend…I guess I was going through that ‘Last Supper Syndrome’. I know (at least this one was a conscious thought) I was saying goodbye to beer and all it’s foamy carbonated goodness (I appreciate a good hoppy ale). Thank goodness I don’t drink pop (soda for you non-Midwest natives) so there was nothing there to give up forever…coffee has been hard enough. I gained back 2 pounds. You’re thinking now that I’m going to get out my cat o’ nine tales (with my name engraved in the leather) and whip myself here in my usual self deprecating way? NOPE!

Here’s the interesting part to me. Yesterday I was thinking through what I’d eaten, and I was shocked that I didn’t have any sweets, not even chocolate (in the past any binge would have included heaps of sweets and definitely chocolate). Most of the stuff I ate was generally pretty healthy, just too much of it (OK, there was one bowl of pasta in there). Monday night it was that old feeling of I can’t get enough food…at one point I even stopped and thought I’m full, why they heck am I standing in front of the fridge again looking for something else…it was like I couldn’t get satisfied. But guess what, on my ‘big binge’ I was pulling vegetables, peel cheese, and meat from the fridge…but then DH came home with half a sub and after all that, yep, I ate it too. I remember getting scared at one moment in front of the fridge…I was thinking what the heck am I going to do with the band?? I can’t do this! I’d stretch my pouch or OMG slippage! How am I going to handle this head hunger monster? Why can’t I stop this! It truly scared me.

So here’s the good part and why I’m not going to beat myself up about it. Let me stop and remind anyone here who doesn’t know me that I’m a professional dieter so I’m not nearly as worried about losing (at least the initial 50 pounds I know I can do). I’m way more worried about keeping it off and dealing with my un-banded head hunger (this really needs to become a double surgery). I found that even on my Last Supper Binge the choices I made were mainly so different than what I’ve done the rest of my fat life so something is starting to change in my head. Even better, during the binge I was questioning my fullness, my actions, and how scared I was. Do you think I would have ever done that before…nope! I’d feel super bad about breaking my diet, absolutely, but then I’d feel like a failure and give up and go grab more chocolate and chips and…and…and... This ‘incident’ was a good thing for me. I’m seeing that my head is changing…yep, I’ve got LOTS more work to do with the head hunger beastie, but in the thousands of diets I’ve been on I’ve never even had the courage or insight to face that beast. I’ve only actually been dieting this month, so I know this is going to take some time. That’s the good thing with the LB...it’s for life…little bumps along the way are just short-term glitches because this lifestyle change goes on forever…and I can do this…with the help of my soon-to-be-band. I’ve just got to…Get My Head In The Game!

Not to be a buzz kill, but head hunger happens even after banding. You're right though, my choices in "cheating" have changed. I know I can't have some of DH's sub sandwich because dense bread and my stoma don't play well together, so I steal just the meat! LOL! Sure, some of my choices are just plain bad, but I can't pig-out-binge until the whole bag of cookies is gone anymore.

Does such naughtiness slow down my weight loss? Yes. Does it kill it? Not so far. Yes, I'm a paranoid Scale Whore and will be for many years to come, but the NSV's keep me pretty much on the path to healthy weight and well-being.

Speaking of which, Time for me to go ride my exercise bike! I'm stiff and sore from running up and down the steps of the theatre last night. Me! Running! It's a miracle!

Yeah, I know the band isn't going to help me at all with my head. I'm only hoping I'll be able to control it more; like you said, better choices and I won't be able to eat big volumes. Unfortunately there's no band for my head, so there'll be many more 'glitches'.

The bigger hope is that one day I'll be one of those miracle banders who say they 'just don't even think about food that much anymore'...'it's just fuel'. Personally I think it's an urban legend rampant on LBT, but a girl can dream...

Good job on the running steps!!!

I understand the "Last Supper" mindset... had mine last weekend. Tried to be careful but I allowed myself some things I haven't had in a while due to I was starting my liquid diet on Monday... oh the many Monday diets I have started and failed on... oh well, that's the past. I weighed this past Monday morning and had gained 3 pds. But I started my shakes faithfully and have stuck strickly to what I'm suppose to have on this liquid diet. No cheating and I won't cheat... surgery April 8th and I want my liver to be slim and trim! I did weigh first thing this morning and SURPRISE! I've lost 11 pds in 2 days on the liquid diet!!! So don't sweat it too badly, you'll lose big time on your pre-op diet!!! And that will help get us ready for post op too! Good luck!!!

"Last Supper Mentality" - you hit the nail on the head! As the days before banding (finally) get down there - I'm finding myself doing more night eating (8-11p), which would probably be characterized as "Last Snacker Mentality". Thank goodness lapband, as a tool, will help prevent that. Keep your head up! - mscarly

Its crazy I know how you feel .. I went to the surgeons office and He had told me I don’t have to lose but I

cant gain either but I had to do a 6 month diet reg. and it seems as soon as I left that office I begin to sabotage myself I just keep saying okay this will be the last day I eat crap ! And before I knew it I had an appt. with my primary dr, and I had gained weight and she told me that I need to lose 5 lbs by the next time I see her it was a big shocker lol not really I knew if I ate crap a would gain but I really was not thinking that way I just wanted that last chocolate bar .. then one day I was looking at a u-tube video .( the incredible shrinking woman ) All of a sudden it hit me she can so can I .. so I got up and went to a whole food store and started eating Good . One thing I had to remember is that it’s a new life style not a diet

So I have been eating good . And if I carve something I’ll have it so that I don’t set myself up and go on a binge . But I just don’t eat the whole thing if I want some chocolate ill have a bite and throw the rest away

And if I want pizza ill have a slice with a salad but I’m being careful of how much im eating and im taking in the protein and all the nutrients I still need . I make e a shake in the morning and one at night for diner and for lunch ill have what I want but like I said within reason .. One thing I noticed if I eat to much carbs for lunch I crave more junk so im keeping the carbs as low as I can … its so hard though im a big carb-a-fobe . but so far so good i saw y dr. yesterday and i lost 6 lbs yayyy!!

Actually BG, I'm already feeling that "it's just fuel" mindset. I'm not there yet, but for days at a time I stop obsessing about every little morsel in my mouth.

I've got other issues right now affecting my life, but I noticed that I've forgotten to do the food diary for several days, yet I stepped on the scale as usual this morning with a small loss. I should have gained, because my DH is home and the man is a serious carb hound. Without his breads, cakes, potatoes, rice, and starchy veggies, the man would think he's starving and I'm torturing him.

Having him home is a severe trial on my nerves. Here's hoping I'm cured of the psychological reasons I'm fat, because I'm a stress eater.